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2nd Lives Club
Category:
Biography
A story of rebuilding one's life after leaving a marriage of 20 plus years. A former SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) the life she must rebuild is 2000 miles away from her sons. Intrusting their father to over see their 2 teen age sons comes with deep pain. Many unexpected realizations come about concerning traditional marriage are revealed. A journey of choice, transition and wholeness comes at a steep price and with many uncertainties.
Having given herself permission to begin to live from her own conscious choices instead of society's isnt for sissies. New revelations and choices often painful and challenging are now hers to discover deal with and grow from.
One woman's journey of grace and insight as she lives a new and uncertain way of living.
This memoir begins 3 years after the author's divorce from a successful trial lawyer.After two decades, she Let it all go and is now finally back in the land of her dreams, as well as her childhood state, California. Feelings of aloneness and sadness are often overwhelming. This second chance comes with new and seemingly over whelming challenges and experiences. Yet, she comes vibrantly alive (at times) while learnig a new way of being and doing life as a single woman. But how did she get here? Exploring her hopscotching childhood, parental expectations and her marriage all become necessary pieces of the puzzle of her life. Baby boomers will relate!
Daily challenges are dealt with through writing. The most harrowing question of "Can I support myself? " Most women who marry and are 'taken care of financially' fear this potential situation. Discovering the reality of the business world and how it works- takes its toll. It shakes her sense of knowing where to go next. Each experience leads her to continue an ever deeper spiritual journey; truly learning to trust what she cannot see.
With the naivety of a 23 year old (at 50) but the experience and compassion of a woman who was a full time mother, she is often gets tripped up on life. Insights as to why she so easily allowed her life to go 'the man's way'. for much of her life, must be asked. Interesting answers do come, along with some outrageous fun and new experiences! The only certainty seems to be that she is truly living from her heart and in a land that she loves.
Can she find her true authentic path of creativity and create income? Ah! the plight of the over creative soul and her newfound respect for living completely responsible for herself. What now awaits her? Traditional married life sure wasn't like this.
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Excerpt
As I sit in a local coffee shop, in Southern California, my childhood state, feelings of overwhelming gratitude well up deep inside me. Thirty two years later, I’m back; finally living in the land of my dreams. Not a day goes by these last 3 years that I don’t thank God. At the same time, as I sit here attempting to learn how to program a palm pilot, feelings of deep sadness creep over me. I can feel fall in the air. This always triggers me; remembering the twenty plus years of putting out fall decorations, anticipating Halloween and Thanksgiving.
I must push away such thoughts or I will break down and cry once again. Memories drift in unwelcome. My teen age sons are 2000 miles away. They are 15 and 17 and living in Texas with their father, in the home I created. Halloween is coming. My mind drifts back ….I am making my 5 year olds Peter Pan costume and his older brother’s batman costume. The black cape with the yellow felt, perfectly cut, batman symbol. All types of fabric is spread out on our guest bedroom bed. What a mess! No matter how creative or for what purpose, these projects never seemed appreciated by the X.
Another Halloween memory; I start to recall. My youngest is 10. He and his 4th grade buddies, all in the hot tub after a neighborhood raid for candy. Steam and mist arise and swirl around in the dark; bobbing heads fad in and out of my sight. Yes, fall is coming and I can not escape my deep feelings of sadness.
Am I now an X mother? This is what I feel like at moments. My boys, my home, 22 years of creating both, is it really gone? I still ask myself this rather obvious question. I spent years pouring out my heart and soul to carefully think out every inch of the home I had lived in for 15 years. There wasn’t a wall, a piece of furniture or duvet that I did not choose with much forethought. I made all our bed covers and bed skirts myself; all with love and careful scrutiny. Oh, that’s right, I did give it all up; my family, my home, my marriage and my source of income. It still feels over- whelming and scary, three years later. Was all this loss really necessary to save my soul and spirit from dieing? Was this major change the only way for those boys and I (and their father) to have a chance, at a future that would not be full of resentment, regret and stagnation? I know the answer, but it is of little consolation. These painful memories and feelings flow through my being, unexpectedly, but each fall they only seem more intense.
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