An endearing story of what if, one man's irreverent yet heartfelt quest to cope with the dysfunctional midlife crisis that has suddenly enveloped him, where romantic fantasy and the reality of marriage collide.
A place where what is what is not.
Two hapless heroes.
A flirty secretary.
Devious administrators.
A paranoid football coach.
Conniving coeds.
A dimwitted football player.
They make Famous Union College a slow moving train wreck.
"The characters are all interesting and well developed - and many would be great study cases for a psych major." - HAMPTON REVIEWS
"It's light and humorous with a bit of a wink and a lot of wry puckish humor." - Pop Bop, Top 500 Amazon Reviewer
From the author of the endearing story THE SURVIVAL OF MARVIN BAINES.
EXCERPT
Marvin Baines was not one to be easily fooled. He was reckless, but in a cautious way. He determined to hold his silence on the talking for the time being. He would have to be absolutely certain this time before he went about telling his story.
He took his yellow Mazda wagon out for an early afternoon spin. His windows unrolled all the way; his left elbow leaning out the door; his frame resting luxuriously against his vinyl seat cover; the wind whipping his hair about his head; his eyes focused through his not-so-dark sun-glasses, on the road ahead; his radio turned up loud to the station that played only country classics from the fifties and sixties, blaring out the tunes he loved so; his car churning along at thirty miles an hour in the fifty-five mile an hour zone--Marvin Baines was king. King of himself. Of his feelings. He was happier than can be.
And the sky overhead kind of blue, the breeze rather cool, the music good. Everything was perfect. The way Baines liked it. A relaxing drive in the country was real life. It was living, the way living should be. For Baines. Just Baines, his car, and his music--and of course the breeze, and the lovely landscape. That's all he needed to be really content in the moment.
The singer on the radio was telling Baines about how he, a lonely man, had stepped into a bar and had met a delectable little woman, whom he had shared a drink and a dance with; but then, just as he and the woman were about to leave the bar together, the man had suddenly looked down at his hand and he had seen the wedding band on his finger.
A classic! thought Marvin Baines. A real classic!
Excerpt
Marvin Baines felt happy. He was smiling. And he walked fast. He always walked fast when he was happy. He couldn’t help it. Ever since he was a little kid. He swung his arms back and forth and whistled. He whistled “You Are My Sunshine.” He liked the song. Then he quickly switched to “Don’t Fence Me In.” Something he believed in fully.
Marvin Baines walked right across the cement patio and stopped onto the grass.
“Watch it, buddy!”
Baines turned to see who was talking to him. No one was in sight.
“Careful now.”
Baines looked again. Still there was no one around him.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. It’s a matter of survival,” the voice said.
Baines grinned. “What the hell?” he said.
“If I go, you go. It’s that simple.”
“Jesus Christ,” said Baines. He was neither cursing nor praying.
“It’s the truth,” the voice said. “Unfortunately… for both of us. You and me!”
Baines looked up. He looked down. He looked to the right, to the left. He turned and looked behind him. He looked the other way. This way. That way. He looked everywhere. But he could see no one; no one was around. He stood there all alone.
“Wow,” said Baines. That’s all he could think to say.
“You and me both,” said the voice again. “Survival.”
“Survival?” said Baines.
“That’s it.”
“Wow,” said Baines. He was grinning again. He couldn’t help himself. “Wow. Wow.” He still couldn’t think of anything else to say. So he looked about him again.
Still no one could be seen.
“Don’t kill me,” said the voice.
Baines grimaced. “Who are you?”
“If you do, you’re killing yourself. It works both ways. Mutual survival. Our survival. And it’s all in your hands.”
“Shit,” said Baines. He stood there and looked around for a while; then he began walking. All alone. No one else about him.
“Please, please,” he heard.
Marvin Baines shook his head back and forth in wonder. Then he began whistling “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” as he walked. And he really didn’t like the song much, either.
Professional Reviews
What fun!
5.0 out of 5 stars What fun!, July 30, 2011
By KC - See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: The Survival of Marvin Baines (Kindle Edition)
What a refreshing read! I loved the references to country music. I loved the man who was driven to improve everything he saw that was wrong with the world...the grass, littering, etc,. Marvin Baines is a man who is wrong about a lot of things, but he finally figures it out! You'll laugh out loud, you'll see yourself or your friends in this light, yet a true-felt story! I recommend this book if you like to laugh and possibly cry at the same time!
I know guys like Marvin
Nick Russell "RVing Author" (Travel fulltime in my RV) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
This review is from: The Survival of Marvin Baines (Kindle Edition)
I know a dozen guys like Marvin Baines, and saw a bit of myself in him as well. It took me a few pages to get into the book, but once I did, I really enjoyed it. There is humor, regret, longing for experiences never lived, questioning the choices one makes and wondering "what if" and all of the things men feel at a certain point in their lives. At times I wanted to say "Man up, Marvin, deal with it." And in the end, he does, in the way that works best for him, as we all must do as we follow our own paths in life. An excellent book by an excellent writer who's work I have learned to appreciate.
One of those books you'll find yourself thinking about for a long while after you've read the last page
Karen Luellen (Texas) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Survival of Marvin Baines (Kindle Edition)
**possible spoilers**
Marvin is losing it. Oh, yeah. He's making irrational discussions, bases life-altering decisions on whatever song pops into the air waves around him, talks to inanimate objects, and basically treats those things around him that should be his most precious points of light like the litter he's determined to clean off the side of the highway. I kept shaking my head at this protagonist, begging for him to wake up and be the man I knew he must be just under the surface of his misfiring actions. Like I said, this book will stick with you like a healthy meal leaving you feeling pleased with yourself for eating, savoring, and thinking,... yeah, it was a good one.
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Reviews for "The Survival of Marvin Baines: Humorous Midlife Fiction"
What fun!, July 30, 2011
By KC - See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: The Survival of Marvin Baines (Kindle Edition)
What a refreshing read! I loved the references to country music. I loved the man who was driven to improve everything he saw that was wrong with the world...the grass, littering, etc,. Marvin Baines is a man who is wrong about a lot of things, but he finally figures it out! You'll laugh out loud, you'll see yourself or your friends in this light, yet a true-felt story! I recommend this book if you like to laugh and possibly cry at the same time!
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