Amazon merryjones.com Category:  Family Publisher: iuniverse.com, Inc. ISBN-10:  059500637X Type: Non-Fiction Pages: 297 Copyright: 2000 ISBN-13: 9780595006373 Birthmothers presents intimate and stirring accounts of more than seventy women who surrendered babies for adoption. It follows their lives long-term, from the discovery of their pregnancies through the present, and identifies the Birthmother Syndrome--a pattern of behavior and emotions resulting from surrender and the effects of closed adoption records. With heartwarming candor, it reveals the stories of the invisible side of the adoption triangle, and touches everyone involved in adoption, as well as anyone interested in motherhood, family and women in our society. Excerpt Sonia was 23, in graduate school, studying foreign policy. She'd been seeing a high-powered attorney for almost two years. Although they had never discussed it, she hoped that one day, careers permitting, they would marry. "I told him at dinner, in our favorite little restaurant. In our private, candle-lit booth. I knew he'd be upset, because he liked to be in control, and the pregnancy was certainly not part of his agenda. But, truthfully, I thought he'd marry me. I never could have anticipated what actually happened or how stupid I had been. After I told him I was pregnant, Michael let go of my hand, looked away and said three things, only three. "First, he said, 'How do I know it's mine?' Next, while I gaped at him, stung by the question, he said, 'Well, it's basically your problem, Sonia, not mine.' I was stunned, speechless. But, finally, I managed to argue that it was not merely my problem and to suggest the idea of marriage. He looked at his linguine and shook his head and said the third thing. 'That's impossible, Sonia,' he told me. 'I'm already married.' "After that evening, I never saw Michael again. He never even called to find out what I did about the pregnancy. And I never called to tell him."

Booklist
With so many situations involving adoptive versus birth parents in the news lately, BIRTHMOTHERS is timely. The subject is awkward and delicate, but at least not the fact of having "relinquished" (the term Jones uses) one's child carries less stigma, and here it's handled with both tact and great detail. Dreams, unexplained fears, and marital problems--say, if the birth father was not the husband--are among the issues Jones discusses, along with those difficult, feared yet longed-for meeting with the grown children of relinquishers. Most disturbingly, Jones writes of birth parents who became sexually involved with their sons and daughters. Now that birht mothers are more able to come out of the closet, it is estimated that there are six million in the U.S. This fascinating book will surely be read by those considering adoption and, one hopes, those considering relinquishing their children.
Jo Peer-Haas