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Valerie R Byron

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Member Since: Feb, 2012

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Kindle Edition
Amazon
Lola, A Story of the West
Amazon Author Page

Category:  Western
Publisher: Amazon

ISBN-10:  B006NRPFVS

Type: Fiction

Pages: 19

Copyright: 
September 2011

Can a proper, mature British lady write about the American Wild West? Can she describe a whorehouse in all its prurient beauty? You betcha! Our hero, Joe Carson has a dilemma. Is Lola the gal for him...or is it someone completely different?


Then in came Lola with the glasses and oh boy, did we feast our eyes on her.  I’ll say we did.  She’d ordered up a new dress for the occasion, just an ordinary sort of black dress, very short, with the thinnest black silk stockings you’ve ever seen.  But safe inside that dress, the things her figure said to us all was nobody’s business.  No, sir.  No, sir!

I guess we all went pretty quiet, and there was more honest admiration in that back room for that little girl than for many a movie star stuffed with dollars and those mink affairs.  She must have realized it too, for it’s the only time I’ve ever seen her hesitate or look a bit shy.

“Like me?” she asked with a nervous little laugh, looking a bit small and lonesome; and at that, everyone started to shout at once, and old Dan pounded the table with rye bottle and broke the neck clean off.  Luckily, he didn’t spill much of it, but it just shows you the effect that kid had on   even the toughest of us.

Then we all snatched up the glasses and drank her health like a sloppy collection of teenagers.  One or two even forgot themselves and clapped her on the back, and she must have been black and blue for days after that.

As we quieted down a bit I thought, Lola, my girl, the man who marries you is going to spend the rest of his life thinking how lucky he is.  As I said, you can see what she did to us.

 

 



Excerpt

can’t remember what happened to those glasses, son. Her head was hard back on the pillow. Her lips matched mine, kiss for kiss. I’m no lightweight, son, but she held me to her mighty strong and I forgot she was weaker than me. When she could no longer breathe, I had to let her go, but when I looked into her eyes they only said “Hurry, Joe, Hurry,” and I knew there was only one thing we both wanted. Then again she fastened her lips to mine and gave me all her strength, and all her knowledge, and everything in the world that the other fair-haired girl couldn’t have given me.


Professional Reviews

Lola
Wow, I loved your voice in this. And that opening paragraph was to die for. If you ever see a contest where you have to enter an opening chapter, use this one. Superb!

Got a little list here with comments.

My favourite line:

When talking about her figure...

'like a dream, on the last shot at the bottom of a whiskey bottle.'

Hmmmm, Sublime.

A very well written story and i liked the fact you kept the ending simple and without 'telling' it.


As good as they come
This is as good as they come:) Your voice is absolutely charming and authentic! I do believe, ma'am, that we have a new all-star short story writer.

What can I say?
A mighty fine story, pardner. You can certainly spin a tale. And an author of so many different styles. One day a proper Englishman in a gentleman's parlor and the next a cowboy on the western frontier. You are one versatile writer.


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