When I looked for repressed anger when the migraines started I discovered that I felt used by my sister and brother-in-law.
I wove my spirit into a negative relationship with my sister and brother-in-law. To recover I had to pull my spirit back and retreat for awhile.It all started when my stepfather, who lives in South Africa, asked me to buy John Sarno M.D.’s book titled "Healing Back Pain" after seeing him interviewed by Larry King on CNN. I read the book before putting it in the mail and learned that stress, tension and psychological factors can cause back pain and other problems such as migraines. His thinking is of course outside mainstream medicine.
Since I have chronic migraines I bought his second book titled "The MindBody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain."
Sarno found that strong emotions generated in the unconscious mind, particularly rage, cause the mind to create a more socially acceptable physical distraction. The brain does this by reducing the blood flow and oxygen to the tissues involved. He says the change in the muscles, nerves and tendons account for 90% of the pain. He calls it TMS—Tension Myositis Syndrome as it is a physical disorder caused by tension in muscles, nerves, tendons and ligaments.
The pain from the TMS takes our attention away from the emotional trauma. Instead of dealing with the repressed feelings we focus on our body.
Sarno found that structural abnormalities in the spine such as a compressed disk are common, are a part of the normal aging process and rarely cause pain. The brain is usually aware of the structural abnormalities and will locate the symptoms in the proper area.
Treatment involves remembering what went on when the pain started and identifying repressed feelings.
A past experience made me believe Sarno. When my sister and her husband lived with me for five months they bought a car to tour America that got only seven miles to the gallon. I was concerned about their purchase but did not say anything.
I developed severe neck and back pain and could not turn my head for a week. I shared my concern about their car at a Co-Dependency group meeting and to my surprise I became very tearful. As I spoke the ache in my neck disappeared. I later jokingly told them, "You’re a pain in the neck!"
I seemed to fit the personality characteristics common in people with TMS— conscientious, responsible and perfectionistic with a strong need to please, be helpful and good. As Sarno says these tendencies have lead to tension, anxiety and physical problems.
When I looked for repressed anger when the migraines started I realized that I felt used by my sister and brother-in-law. Once I identified the anger I started to grieve.
I believe there are no victims only volunteers and I allowed it to happen. We had different expectations for our relationship. I thought we were a family. They wanted to immigrate to America and I believe saw me as a ticket to get established.
They socialized and took trips with my friends and I when they first arrived. A couple of my friends gave them jobs and I helped furnish their new apartment when they moved to America. One friend even loaned them a car to tour the country. I bought a second canoe for them to use.
I was devastated when they started having dinner dates, parties and trips without me. When I invited them for dinner or trips they said they did not have time.
My sister said, "Oh rubbish! Stop it!" when I told her I felt rejected.
Since I had a negative relationship with my mother I wanted my relationship with my sister to work.
I believe we store our emotions in our bodies and that our biography becomes our biology. To improve my health I needed to place my power and self worth inside me. I told myself, "I brought myself down—I can bring myself up. I have nobody to blame but myself." When my father heard I was angry with my sister he suggested I float my negative feelings in a paper boat down the creek near our house.
Sarno’s ideas were more helpful. He said, "We are frail beings with brains strongly influenced by childish, illogical, reactions and dependency needs. Most of us carry feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, humiliation, shame and anger at ourselves for not living up to our own expectations and rage at others for perceived hurt and betrayals. The brain-mind is a conglomeration of thoughts and feelings that are often at odds with each other. It is not the neat, well organized, logical organ we would like it to be."
Sarno helped me acknowledge my illogical, childish self and accept that it is universal and a part of being human. Admitting I had a problem was the first step towards solving it. Sarno encourages us to recognize that our mind, rather than a physical abnormality is the source of pain. His treatment programs involve lectures, group meeting and if necessary, psychotherapy.
Patients are encouraged to discontinue all physical therapy, resume all physical activity, and review the 10 daily reminders: I have no structural abnormality only mild oxygen deprivation;—I have a harmless condition caused by repressed emotion (mostly anger);—TMS exists to distract me from emotions;—I have nothing to fear;—my physical aching is not dangerous;—I will not be concerned or intimidated by pain;—I will shift my attention from pain to emotional issues;—I intend to be in control—not my subconscious mind;—I must think psychological, not physical.
Sarno has treated more than 11,000 patients with chronic pain—many of whom have suffered for years. He estimates he’s cured more than 90% of them and has helped thousands of patients overcome pain without drugs or surgery.
When the study and practice of Sarno’s work did not get rid of my migraines I thought I might be among the 5% of people who actually have to experience their grief and rage and saw a psychotherapist. Although the therapy did not stop the migraines I am happier and more at peace. Sarno’s books empowered me to take control, become more honest, release my unrealistic expectations and focus on friends who love and inspire me.
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