"Listen my children and you shall hear,
of the mid-night Ride of Paul Revere -
T'was the 18th of April, in '75,
and hardly a man is now alive -
that remembers that famous date and year!"
"We ain't got a barrel of money,
maybe we're ragged and funny,
but we'll travel the road,
sharing our load,
SIDE BY SIDE!"
Tonight’s Estimated Maryland Jackpot Is:
$103,000,000 - With Cash Value at $67,600,000.
Just WHAT Would I DO If I WON?
1st - TAKE THE CASH OPTION -
“A Bird in The Hand is Better than Two in the Bush!”
2nd - Get a Lawyer (which I hate) - and SUE THEM -
For False Advertisement!
3rd - ASSUME ONE-HALF IN TAXES -
Leaving about $34,000,00 Balance after Taxes!
4th - GIFTS:
DAUGHTER GETS $5,000,000 TAX-FREE!
SON GETS $5,000,000 - TAX-FREE!
EX-WIFE GETS $5,000,000 - TAX-FREE!
* For Putting Up With My CRAP for 37 Years *
6 NIECES & 1 NEPHEW GET $.5M EACH.
Cathedral of Mary Our Queen Choir Fund = $10,000.
Leaving Only $15,490,000 for Lil Ole ME!
5th - DEBTS:
4th - Pay Off: My Trailer Loan = $7,500.
Auto Loan = $6,000.
Pre-Pay 10 Years Ground Rent = $43,000.
Leaving about $15,434,000 Left.
6th - PURCHASES:
1950’s Nash Rambler Metropolitan Convertible -
RED - With White Top and Continental on Rear.
Maybe $10 Grand?
Shore-Front Property w/Pier - Maybe $1 Mil ?
Small - 20 Foot Boat - Grady-White - Maybe $40 K?
New All-Electric Car - Maybe $30 K ?
Renovate Trailer - Maybe $10 K ?
Some New DUDS - Maybe $1 K ?
Custom-Tailored YSL Grey Wool Pin-Striped Suit - $1 K ?
* To be held in Abeyance for my Cremation Someday *
Balance Now ? About $14,343,500.
7th - ENTERTAINMENT:
RENT my own LEAR JET that I can SMOKE ON -
W/ Pilot - and SEE THE WORLD!
? SAY - $2,000,000 ?
RENT THE QUEEN MARY II -
Bring to DUNDALK MARINE TERMINAL -
Throw the BIGGEST BASH my Family & Friends
Have Ever SEEN! Maybe $2 Mil More ?
8th - PET PEEVE:
POST A BOUNTY OF $1,000,000 -
For the Arrest and Conviction of Certain Un-Named
WARMONGERS, CEO’S, and OTHER RAT-BASTARDS!
SUMMARY:
This would then leave me in a Quandary -
How could I possibly LIVE on a Mere Pittance
Of About $9,000,000 LEFT ?
Might have to Put a Pen to Paper to Figure this Out!
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