In the haunting melody "The Story" sung by Brandi Carlile we hear the repetitive refrain "I was made for you."
Sounds magically simple, doesn't it?Yet in many published works and in the international church-sponsored program "Marriage Encounter," one learns that love is a decision. First comes attraction and infatuation followed, perhaps, by loving another.And this love you may keep and have for the rest of your life if you decide to make it last and if the person you decide to love by commitment and dedication makes the same decision.
I think it's wonderfully romantic to say "I was made for you." In a statement tantamount to marital heresay, I admit that I've been attracted to dozens of women and have been infatuated with at least a couple along the way. But I never made the decision to love them, that is, commit and dedicate myself to any of them.
Now hear my one exception: When I was fourteen years old, I was attracted to a young woman also fourteen. The attraction led to infatuation, and that was followed a few years later by my decision to marry her and to love her, as exemplified by my decision to dedicate myself to her and commit myself to our lives together. On March 13, 2012, we celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary and a lifetime of having, sharing and keeping a loving relationship.
Oh, there have been several times when ending the relationship entered by mind. But when I acted to marry her, it was because I admired and respected who and what she was. I "picked her," so to speak. And I don't second-guess my own judgment. She is still and always has been someone I admire and respect.
Finding someone to make love with is rather easy. But making love is not the same as having a loving relationship. Having and keeping love, that is, maintaining the relationship, takes dedication and commitment. You decide to commit yourself to loving someone and act on your decision. Save and except that person having a psychotic breakdown or other major relationship catastrophe such as one partner developing incurable alcoholism or drug addiction, nothing has to change.
In my experience, one thing stands out: It appears that the longer it takes you to find that love of your life, the less chance you will have of succeeding in an enduring love. The reason for this may well be "you." You look for perfection, thinking that God is going to magically make the perfect person appear.
Does the perfect love relationship exist? I don't think so. We are human beings with individual likes and dislikes and individual personalities that for certain do not exactly match another's. Trust, understanding and forgiveness are essential to an enduring love. Enduring love takes work. It takes commitment and dedication. You can do it or not do it. Enduring love is a decision.
Some things help your chances of having and keeping that love.For example, it may be a wise and supportive act when I leave a note for my beloved now and then saying something like, "Dear Heart, let's sneak away together for the weekend. Okay? But don't tell your husband. It'll be more exciting that way."
Do I have answers of certainty to the questions posed? No. But I've found answers that work for me.With a sincere heart, I offer my approach for your consideration. Love is worth the risk for what else in life can make you so giddy you declare, "I was made for you!"
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