It Breaks My Heart…

Everywhere I look I see the needs of so many. I see people of all ages, races and religions struggling to survive. It truly breaks this simple heart of mine…I mean I have tried, I really have. I have often paid a stranger bill at dinner; I have paid for their groceries and all this with them unaware of how it came to pass. I have given of myself until I am give out.

Yet still their number increase in a world that becomes more self absorbed every day. I see a young couple struggling to come up with enough change to buy 3.00 plus kerosene just to keep warm at night.

I see an old man not have enough to buy a loaf of bread. I slip the difference to the cashier and a family stays warm and an old man eats another day.

I don’t know what has come of me, I now find myself buying when I cannot buy for myself. I buy cat food and travel to where the strays hang out and feed them. I weep inwardly when I see and animal crushed by a car and I find my heart reaching out to the needs of many. I can’t go on like this for I have given until I have given out.

I have missed a lot of work this year due to the economy being like the economy is. My pockets are now empty where once bills filled their lining. I see a need, I reach in to deliver and realize that there is nothing left to give. My heart breaks once again. How can I help others I ask, when I can’t even help myself? Why is there so much need? Why do so many people struggle to survive? Why does it hurt this way?

I now that the Christmas season has come and gone and I know that many to good cause did give…but there remains fifty-one weeks and the spirit of giving takes a back seat until another year. I don’t know what else to do, I give not expecting anything, I give because there is a human need, I give because I love.

When I told Leah my wife that things had to change and that I was going to resolve to harden my heart to all things great or small, she replied with a simple “don’t” …”you can’t”….I guess she is right, but I still know not the answer as the need continues to knock on my hearts door.

God Bless us all the coming year…God Bless those in need.

J. Allen Wilson 12-25-2007