It's Okay to Cry!

The other day my family watched the video 'Across the Universe.'  For our 20-year-old twin girls, the movie was packed with Beatles songs, excellent choreography, and historical tidbits.  For my wife and I, it was a haunting and powerful roller coaster ride of emotion and memory.  We'd lived through these turbulent times, and relived some of the joy and elation, pain and sorrow, anger and reconciliation used as a backdrop for the scenes.

As a generation, we thought ourselves far different from our predecessors, and thought we knew so much while we knew so little.  Now, seeing what stands before our girls, I see that this must be the cross of every new generation: this knowledge, this lack of vision.  (If only I'd gone ahead and solved the world's problems when I was eighteen, and knew how.)

I remembered my own burning patriotism, as I volunteered for a war that I knew nothing about, but would soon learn far too much about.  I relived the fear of Viet Nam, the rejection of my peers upon my return, my anger and resentment at the memories of friends I'd left behind, strewn across the battlefield.  I'd always been a bit of a loner, this just drove me farther away from peace within my soul.  I drank heavily, and had difficulty keeping a job, or caring whether I worked or not.

I relived the horrific night that my best friend committed suicide while sitting beside me in the front seat of a VW Beetle.  I remember the headlong race through an unfamiliar town, searching for a hospital, running red lights, reading directional signs on the fly.  It wasn't until we arrived at the emergency room door that the police caught up with us.  I remember the crushing news, hours later, that he had died; and the long wait for my Father to arrive to drive me home.  It was on that drive that I related the whole tale to my Dad, and the storm-surge of my emotions was bashing at the levee of my mind.

Dad turned to me, and said, "It's okay to cry, son!"  That was when the dam burst, and I bawled like a baby all the way home.  It was good for my soul!

This is not a religious essay, and I don't intend to espouse any particular religion or denomination ... but it was through God that I found relief from my self-destructive downward spiral.  I discovered that I was a product of not only my genetic make-up, but also of all the teaching of my past, and the trauma/ecstasy of everything that had happened to me through life.  I was a one-of-a-kind product, created not by the external pressures and conflicts, but by my response to them.

I was the Caregiver for my daughter, who fought Leukemia for years, and our whole family had to learn to live with suitcases packed, and an emergency plan in place.  We almost lost her a couple times, before she finally won the battle.  Through it all, we all learned the value of tears.  It's okay to cry!


A Simple Tear

There's not a drug
can allay your fear, or
heal your soul
like a simple tear:
the eyes are cleansed, and
stress released,
your broken heart
finds a haven of peace.
It can ease the pain,
will show you care;
even work a miracle
in a mother's prayer --
it reveals a friend by
it's shining trails, and
exposes love,
when all else fails.
So spend a tear,
they're free, today;
let it's sweet balm
wash the stress away.

DWD 96

I am an imperfect vessel, but I'm all that I've got to work with.  I have learned to accept myself for what I am, and not for what I have done.  I have no great and enduring accomplishments, and probably never will have -- but accomplishments, no matter how great, are fleeting.  What lasts forever, is what I am.

I've learned to accept myself for what I am, and to respect others for what they are.  I've discovered that life is too short to spend it in anger and resentment, burning myself up inside.  Forgiveness is much easier to give when one realizes it is for our own health.

So ... what is the focus of this whole long essay?  There really is none, I guess.  Just airing out those old memories, and wondering if there might be just one more soul out there that needs to hear those simple words: "It's okay to cry!"

Dallas D'Angelo-Gary 08