A brief look at conspiracy theories
40 Years Later: Kennedy, Elvis and Paul
Forty years after that gloomy Friday in Dallas, JFK is still
the victim of a massive conspiracy, Elvis is still alive and
presumably eating fried chicken somewhere, and Paul
McCartney is still dead. What got me started along these
lines was a website that stated that McCartney really did
die all those years ago.
For those that don’t know, Paul was supposed to have expired
in an automobile crash in 1966 and was replaced by a double.
The new Paul or Faul(Fake Paul) has been impersonating him
for lo these many years. And this website
(uberkinder.5u.com/paul/) not only has all the usual clues
from the Beatles albums and music, but now they are
comparing voices, comparing and super-imposing pictures of
Paul at various times during his career, comparing noses,
chins, bone structure etc. And, I have to tell ya, there
really is a lot of evidence to support this theory. The idea
is presented cogently and backed by mountains of evidence.
Like so many theories, it is neat, plausible, but
nonetheless wrong. I’m not going to debate it here, but the
original Paulie lives! Yeah...yeah ....yeah.
The reason this subject is important is that we exist in a
world awash with virtually endless conspiracy theories.
Kennedy, the origin of the AIDS virus, our supposed faked
moon landing, the death of almost anybody famous(Lennon,
Princess Di, John Kennedy Jr., Elvis etc.) the government
being involved in inner city drug conspiracies and on and on
But some might inquire, what difference does it make if
people believe falsities, fairy tales? We obviously dwell in
a world where fairy tales and fictions are already the norm.
According to articles I’ve pulled from the Internet, 70%
believe that there was a vast conspiracy to kill JFK, 80%
believe in the existence of UFO’s, and some 95% believe in
supernatural beings such as ghosts, gods, devils, angels,
poltergeists and presumably werewolves.
In effect, whatever is isn’t, in the world of conspiracies.
Everybody saw JFK die so you can’t say he’s alive, so they
go for the next best thing, massive conspiracy. McCartney,
who’s really alive is dead, and Elvis, who’s really dead is
alive. Whatever is, isn’t. Whatever reality you don’t like,
you’ve got a handy eraser on the end of your pencil to take
care of it.
So what difference does it make? I would maintain that one
of the reasons the world is in the jolly shape it’s in is
that we have liberal amounts of the population believing in
and, more significantly, acting upon, things that are simply
not true .(Killing infidels, bombing towers, wars, fighting
for “holy” lands etc.) When we believe in fairy tales we
keep ourselves timorous little children afraid to grow up.
We weaken and de-empower ourselves. We lose our individual
strength and begin looking to other things outside of
ourselves for strength and guidance, when we are the ones
that should be making decisions for ourselves.
Or we spend literally billions of dollars and collective
man-hours chasing after the paranormal and supernatural
salvations when real, tangible solutions are available to us
right here and now.
Or we simply accept various theories because they provide us
with comfort and absolution (blaming inner city drugs on the
government) or they help to assuage our fears (the
government started AIDS, and thereby targeted certain
groups, since I’m not in that group, I’m safe). Conspiracy
theories, superstitions, the paranormal are really all
simply variations on the same theme. We invent them to in
some way bring us comfort, assuage our fears, or bring us
understanding where we are otherwise lost.
Let’s look briefly at the most famous conspiracy theory, JFK
assassinated in Dallas. 70% say it was a conspiracy. To not
believe it is to seem naive, gullible, well lets face it..
downright stupid. Well......
Much is made of the grassy knoll, the place that was to the
front and to the right of Kennedy. Many people have opined
that shots came from there. Oliver Stone in his movie “JFK”
intimates that the shot that killed Kennedy, the horrific
head shot, came from there.
Eeeehh..wrong. As a young boy my father took me out hunting
probably hundreds of times. I shot hundreds if not thousands
of animals(something I no longer do). In any event all of
the animals that met their deaths from my gun (deer,
rabbits, squirrels, birds) died the same way, small little
holes where the bullet entered, perhaps a minuscule trickle
of blood, and, if the bullet hit bone, massive crater like
holes in their bodies where the projectile exited. Simple
physics. No bullet ever made has the ability to tear large
holes where it enters, only where it exits (Because the
bullet is intact when it enters and then explodes or
fragments upon hitting bone).
And the same is true with JFK. As anyone that has ever
hunted extensively could tell you, the head shot that took
the front right part of Kennedy’s head off could only have
come from behind. There is no other possibility. That head
shot had to have come from behind. Scratch the grassy knoll.
The second thing I would like to broach is the following,
which I have never, by the way, seen addressed or answered
in all my years of reading about the Kennedy case. Stick
with me here, I’ve got a short one act play:
Me: (entering the room) Okay gentlemen, what’s your
Them: Chris, we’d like ya ta kill someone.
Me: (Being a ruthless sociopath I ask) who and how much?(I
have a way of getting to the point)
Them: We’ll get ta the dough later....we’d like ya ta whack
that sumbitch Senator Bill Jones.(Don’t worry, purely
fictional) Need it done now.
Me: Okay, I’ve got a plan, here’s what I’ll do. I’ll go to
downtown L.A., get some menial job somewhere up high in some
high-rise building, let’s say on Wilshire Boulevard, and
then I’ll just wait for the Senator to drive by and when he
does I’ll drill him. That will be one hundred G’s, half now,
Them: Wait a gaddamn minute here! Dhat’s da big plan? Ya
just gonna wait round hopin’ he just happens ta drive by! Ya
know how many towns dere are in dis cun-try? What hunnerds,
thousands, millions, who knows? How many streets? Millions
and millions. What makes ya think he’d even drive by dere?
He’s never driven by it before, problee never will. Wait til
he happens ta just drive by? You could be waitin’ dere a
hunnerd years, maybe more? Makes no damn sense! It’s just
Me: Worked for Oswald.
Fade to Black.
Thank you, thank you(Oh no really, you shouldn’t, you’ll
make me blush)
I have never read or seen the above question addressed. If
Oswald was part of a grand conspiracy, and was ordered,
commissioned, paid to execute the president, is the method
of getting a job in a building and then hoping you get lucky
with the target actually driving by a viable hitman plan?
Obviously Oswald didn’t go to Kennedy as all other hitmen
do, Kennedy came to Oswald. Does this really sound like a
conspiratorial hitman plan to you? Or does it sound like
what it was, not a crime of CONSPIRACY but a crime of
By the way, Kennedy wasn’t scheduled to go to Dallas until
just a couple of days before. His staff made a last minute
change for him so he could go stumping (helping democratic
congressional candidates). Nowhere in the years since the
shooting have I ever read or heard that anybody has ever
suspected his own inner staff of setting him up. They
question every other aspect of the case, from A to Z, but
I’ve never heard or read that anybody, official or
unofficial, has suspected his own inner staff within the
White House of setting him up or being part of a grand
conspiracy. His being rescheduled to Dallas was just one of
those things that comes up all the time in partisan
The thing that caught my attention about the McCartney
conspiracy case was that it did, in fact, have so much
detail, just like the Kennedy case. There are literally
hundreds and hundreds of pieces of “proof” that McCartney is
dead. His height changing in different pictures, voice
analysis, picture analysis and on and on. The same with the
Kennedy case, there are endless pieces and tidbits here and
there that can be combined to make it look like a strong
What I would like to say here however is that anything,
anywhere, anytime can be made to look like a conspiracy if
that is what your agenda is at the outset. There is such a
thing as inductive and deductive reasoning. In one(deductive
logic) you start with a premise or hypothesis(conspiracy
killed Kennedy) and then you look for and modify all the
information that suits your hypothesis and throw out all
It’s what we have in our adversarial legal system. One side
scours for what they want to find, and so does the other, to
support their diametrically opposed theories of the case.
What it really comes down to is modern day sophism, where
you have parties spinning theories and then finding,
spinning or cooking up evidence that supports what they want
to believe. (It is, in my always humble opinion, one of the
principal flaws in our legal system).
Deductive logic is one way of thinking, by far the most
prevalent in our society. The other method is using
inductive logic. Withholding judgment or theory, looking at
all the evidence and then formulating your belief or theory
on all of the available evidence, regardless of what you may
prefer the evidence to say. This is actually scientific
Our society as a whole is built upon labyrinths and webs in
varying degrees of lies and fictions. It is how our whole
world functions. We decided long ago that reality was just
to painful and so we began spinning a world of endless
fictions and tales to ease our pain and soothe our psyches.
Conspiracies are just another part of this legerdemain that
we cling to so desperately.
So in closing here’s the woebegone laundry list. Of course I
can’t cover them all, because they really are perpetual, but
here are a few. Kennedy was shot by Oswald acting alone. We
did go to the moon, inner city drugs were not the result of
a massive government conspiracy. Lennon was murdered by a
lone religious nut.(Crazy but nonetheless, religiously
motivated by Lennon’s remark about being more popular than
Jesus) Princess Di died in a drunken car crash (happens all
the time folks) JFK Jr. died when he bit off more than he
could chew and flew into dark cloudy skies without being
instrument rated. Elvis died from too many pills and too
much fried chicken. No the government didn’t start infecting
us with AIDS on purpose(ya see it could easily spread to
their own children) There is no “secret” cure for cancer the
government is sitting on(again remember, their own children
can die from cancer).
And while I’m on this subject of “government conspiracies”
let me add this. We have spent our lives watching James Bond
and hundreds of spies and secret agents battle the forces of
evil. We’ve seen hundreds of detectives and cops and P.I.’s
crack cases. We’ve seen government agencies operating
flawlessly. We have probably witnessed thousands of screen
and TV bad guys being nailed by super sleuths running around
solving crimes. Currently on TV we see it many times every
week(Alias, Threat Matrix, The Agency and the mother of all
conspiracy shows, the X Files)
Folks....it’s all fiction, make believe, TV. I don’t say
that all spies and agents are incompetent, because they’re
not, but many are. Government agencies? Think Waco, think
Ruby Ridge, think about the fact that all of these brilliant
James Bond-like agencies combined didn’t have a clue as to
the 9-11 attack.(Well actually they DID have some clues, but
they were overlooked) Think about that for a minute. At the
time of this writing (Oct-20-03)Osama Bin Laden and Saddam
Hussein are still at large. They couldn’t find the Unabomber
for 18 years. 18 years. Not all but many of these agents are
closer to being the gang that couldn’t shoot straight. This
is why I find it hysterically goofy when I hear and read
about these great conspiracies that presumably include
hundreds of people over the span of many decades. They’re
going to keep hundreds of witnesses, investigators and
agents “quiet” about the Kennedy case? Kill the info about
UFO’s? Hundreds of people over decades? There are no James
Bonds here. No Moriarty and no Holmes, not even any Watsons.
Or Goldfingers. This is the gang that said security guard
Richard Jewell was the Olympic Park bomber. Folks, grand
In point of fact, my only “concern” involving the government
in this area is that someone will plant a bomb right on top
of the Statue of Liberty’s noggin and the “agencies” will
mistake it for an alarm clock.
Of course....what if I’m actually an “op” of the government
hired to write articles like this to throw people off the
scent? But I bet I didn’t fool you one bit, did I?
One final caveat. Lest I start sounding like a
conspiratorial theorist too, I actually do believe THERE IS
something to the whole Paul being dead scenario. Let’s face
it, there are to many clues and messages to just be a
coincidence or a mistake.
For instance, you can hear them saying “I buried Paul” at
the end of Strawberry Fields. The cover of Abbey Road does
have the license plate saying “28 IF”. Which would have been
Paul’s age at that time had he not supposedly been killed.
What are the chances of that just happening out of the blue?
And many many other very clear clues and messages. Just pure
coincidence? Nonsense. The messages these people talk and
write about WERE put there. But only as a joke. The Beatles
having a joke on the world. It has long been my belief that
the Fab Four decided to put on the world and so created this
myth as an inside joke.
So, in summary, yes folks the clues are there, but they only
add up to one big gag. And finally, this is what Lennon said
in the Beatles Anthology, “We’ve always done dirty little
things on records. In “Girl” the Beatles were singing
“tit-tit-tit-tit” in the background and nobody noticed.” Who
knows, maybe someday one of the remaining Beatles will
actually admit to the “death of Paul” gag.