I wrote this to mourn the passing of a friend.

July 29 , 2001

Eight days ago,
I lost a friend.

She passed away
due to massive cardiac arrest ,
a day after she attempted
to end it all herself.

Since then,
many “if”s and many “why”s
remained unanswered
in my head.

If
I was given the chance 
to be there for her
when she
was wrestling with her psyche  ,
would she …
still...
be around today ?

If
I really took time out 
to let her know
that we could pray together ,
would it have helped …
in any way ?

Why
was I able to lift hearts from afar
yet unable to reach my friend
who was just nearby?

Why
was I accessible to others ---
some across the miles ,
some even across the net ---
yet unavailable
to one who was just …
within the same workspace?

Until now,
I have no concrete answer.

What I do have
is a certain knowing.

A certain knowing
that my friend
is free at last
from the sorrows of this earth.

A certain knowing
that my friend was given the grace
to make peace with her God
at the last moment
before she totally left
this valley of tears.
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