My question to myself today.

Ok, here I am approaching my sixties. My best friend told me yesterday that he has more respect, and love for me than anyone he has known.
But, my problem is that I am always giving. Sometimes it was obvious to him that the other person was only taking advantage of my kind spirit.

How could I rebutt that, I couldn't.
All I could say was, "I know you are right, and a lot of times that has worked to my detriment. I have been known to whip a dead equine until it was bloated."
Ron has known me all my adult life, and if anyone has any insight into me it is him.
I knew what he was saying was true , but therein lies my conundrum.

Carl Jung said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

I tend to agree. However whenever I do examine my life I sometimes feel like I haven't done enough for my fellow man.
On the other hand sometimes I feel very good about myself and just love me to death.
Another conundrum. Remember we were told by psychologists in the 70's that "I'm ok you're ok?"
Now they are telling us all that we are selfish, egotistical, narcissistic (the latest psychobabble diagnosis) bastards for putting ourselves above others, and we should strive to be more giving.
I have no answers, for myself especially.

Sometimes I feel that I am not appreciated for the mind that I have. However, when I do get compliments, honest heartfelt statements praising me for my accomplishments, and abilities, I find it hard to believe. Because I am just me. I act no differently around anyone. But to some I am a caring, giving person and to others I am an egotistical SOB.
Maybe the problem really is everybody else and not me. But if that ain't a denial, egotistical, narcissistic statement I don't know what is.

I'm confused, dazed, and disoriented.
I pray each day the Lord will show me the way, and his answer is always the same..."Hold on, I'll get back to you on that one." I continue to wait.

So, as any good therapist would say, "I'm sorry our time is up. See you next week."

Walt