Marriage is some serious stuff. If it wasn't, would we go through the whole song and dance of a wedding with all the trimmings and taking the vows that promise each other eternal love and fidelity? Probably not.
The reason that marriage is so difficult is two people are no longer the soul master's of their own fate. They must discuss and analyze every aspect of their world with a partner who more often than not has completely different views than they do. Let's explore that in a little more detail.
It is impossible to get to people with the exact same upbringing. As a result, you now have two totally different worlds colliding. At NASA, they call that Armageddon, here on earth, we call it marriage, go figure.
One person is always going to think the peanut butter should go in the refrigerator while the other will always want it in the cupboard so it stays nice and soft and spreadable. One will always install the toilet paper under and the other will always install it over. How, then, do these two completely different philosophies in life resolve themselves to complete harmony.
The answer is, you don't. Anyone who thinks that marriage is conflict free and you will live happily ever after has, apparently, watched WAY too much "Leave It To Beaver". It just does not happen. The trick is to take each conflict as they come. Husband and I do not always agree on everything, however, I have learned to save my opinions or my battles for the times that really matter. So, I put the pancake syrup in the cupboard, rather than in the refrigerator where it belongs, I buy his preferred brand of toothpaste because I really don't care, as long as my teeth are clean. However, when I finally DO voice my opinion and I actually say, "no, we have to discuss this." My husband knows that I am serious and is much more ready to listen to my what I have to say.
Marriage is a work in progress. No one gets it right the first time out. The problem is that our society has conditioned us to value instant gratification and only concern ourselves with what we want. No one wants to work for the pay off anymore, and to top it all off, traditional family values are breaking down. Instead of solving the argument, many couples are opting to end the marriage over their wounded pride. I have an excellent story to cover this example.
Not too long ago, I had a seriously bad day. Nothing went right, everyone under the sun made demands of me, and by the time I got home, I was so exhausted that I did
not have the energy, strength or will to do any household chores. Now, Mind you, I am a work at home mom. Somehow, to other people, that translates to, "oh, you don't have a boss telling you not to be late, so you can come and do everything for ME!" Hardly the point, just wanted to put that out there.
My husband calls to tell me that he is running late. I say fine, pick up a few things at the store and give him a specific list. Not a half hour later, he is calling me to say they did not have the brand of one of the items I wanted. I melted down, blamed him and slammed down the phone. Was my reaction mature? No, I should say not. Was my reaction human? Most definitely. However, it is what I did when he got home that has made the difference.
You see, too many days like that, and my husband would most likely be taking me into divorce court. However, I sucked up my pride, admitted I was wrong and apologized for taking my bad day out on him. We had a dialogue and figured out what I could do to lighten my load. This is what makes marriage so wonderful. Two heads really are better than one. He can see things I cannot because I am far too close to the situation.
Why is marriage so hard? Because any thing worth having is worth working towards.