Throughout my younger years, I had always dreamed of happily ever after, as I am sure every has. To find that special someone and share the happiest of moments, as your love is magical.                                                                                 

I sure believed my life would turn out that way, especially as I witnessed the undying love between my grandparents who were actually my parents. They had been married fifty-six years to one another and the magic still remained, until he sadly passed in 07 at eighty three years of age.                                                                                   

However, I would not be this fortunate and as soon as the romance sparked it would suddenly become washed away. Furthermore, what changes someone, as they go from a true romantic to a horrible monster within a short time?                                                                                                                                   

I was only seventeen years old at the time and met this incredible person at the church carnival, as he won me many stuffed teddy bears including a huge stuffed heart.                                                                                                               

Little did I know or suspect my heart would become broken, as our relationship moved along and rather quickly. Soon followed me expecting our first child and at that point is when the drastic changes in him started, as I was even kicked out of the car at seven months pregnant.Since I discovered another females phone number in the glove box. 

Furthermore, his own friends would tell me that he was trying to choose between me and another female, as I was going on my eighth month now.  After the birth of our first child, a precious daughter, that was born premature due to certain abusive events, as my mother told him, if anything happens to the baby you are sure to blame.                                                                   

This is when things really fell apart and he became more verbally abusive and very controlling.                                                                                                               

Sad to say this miserable life would remain for thirteen rough years, and I tried to leave numerous times, as they promised things would change and once I became weak and gave in, change only lasted a week or two at the most. He was harsh on the children and they seem to live in fear always.        

It had been my birthday as me and my daughter who was eight at the time went on a girls afternoon out event and I wanted a new look.                                                          

Therefore, I had got my hair cut into the latest style  and soon as I stepped into the door of our home he back handed me and shouted in my face, “Why did you cut your hair ,you knew I like long hair, who gave you permission huh?”                                                                                                                 

He started shaking me as my daughter hurried off at that moment.

My daughter had always been a finicky eater to add and at dinnertime, he would force her to finish every bite or she would not leave the table. One time it was almost nine at night and if I stepped in, suddenly I would crumble to the kitchen floor. It was defiantly like living in a nightmare and no escape out.                                                                                                                           

Moreover, he put me out the front door in the middle of one cold winter, as I was in my pajamas and bare foot. I ran freezing through the snow to the next door neighbor and called for help. Furthermore, help would come to the aide numerous times, as I was badly beat to the point of unconscious.                                                                                                            

Since he was also very controlling and it was his way or the highway. He had control over everything including our funds, as this one incident at the grocery store took place as he knocked the whole shelf of cookies down onto the floor angrily as I had put a pack into the cart and he shouted, “We do not need junk food!” Instantly tears flowed down my red face of huge embarrassment.                                                                                                           

However, when I finally did walk away and filed for divorce, another abusive relationship would follow shortly and many of the events were similar, as the second relationship was more verbal and mental anguish. They were defiantly a doctor heckle, as one minute I was called babe and the next very unkind and foul words.                                                                                                        

The put downs were endless and I had been called filthy names daily, as he even put my family down constantly, as they were involved highly in the church and still are to this day. I also had grown up with strong faith and beliefs, as I have collected Angels from young on and always will. I feel that is who had helped me through the roughest of times, the mighty one above no doubt.                                                                                                                      

Furthermore, I had met this person in church and they sure did not follow the way or belief .                                                                                                              

Every time I talked on the phone, he listened on the other phone, as he would suddenly come up and swing at me. I had no friends at this point nor would, as I could not even speak to the neighbor, as he became hysterical saying, “Oh were you talking about me or telling them I hit you!”                                                                                                                        

I even went a year without talking to my sister as he banned her from my life and told me she was against him and will never step foot in the door. My life had become worse than a nightmare and a prisoner I sure become.                                                                                                           

He would even turn off the actual power box in the basement and literally terrorize the children and me in the pitch dark. If driving in a car he would speed up and then slam the brakes suddenly and hard as the little one actually bounced out of the car seat onto the floor. While I hit my head onto the dash board, as he jerked my head up by my hair, as blood rolled down my face.                                                                                                                    

Furthermore, he actually pushed me out of the car at that moment and sped off, as I stood there in a daze and bleeding .When I than went to hurry into the store near by, as he had my child with him and I feared the worst. While he came speeding back and yanked me back into the car speeding off. Then things really fell apart, as he become unemployed and would not be able to supply his daily habit.                                                                                                        

Although he would sure find a way, as my big screen television had been sold and the computer, as he even went as far as selling or trading in the children’s video games and system eventually.                                                                

My oldest son was only in the seventh grade at the time and heartbroken, as he come home from school and noticed his game collection gone. Of course my child confronted him and he put my son to the wall by his throat and screamed in a child’s face, “Do something about it if you’re a big man”                 

My young son literally shook with freight and lowered his head not responding a word.                                                                                                               

On the other hand my daughter that was the oldest and always looked out for the younger children many times as the abuse took place. Comes rushing to her brother’s time of need.                                                                         

She and he had words at that intense moment, as he shoved her down to the floor and went busting her new stereo that she had just got for Christmas all into pieces.                                                                                                      

At that point, things really crumbled and I had my nose broken twice, along with bruises and even a few scars that will always remain.                                           

One time he actually made me get on my knees and tell him sorry for something he done, I resisted at first saying, “No I will not”.                                                             

Until he came at me swinging and quickly I bowed down in such humiliation as a human being.There were many incidents that took place and unreal in fact.                                                                                                                       

I do recall this one time that I made him leave and this infuriated him very much. When he went as far as calling child services on me, telling them all the things he was actually.                                                                                               

However, after I passed the drug test and an investigation was over, the female worker handed me the domestic violence chart and told me to walk away before it’s too late. I remember I actually hugged her and told her thanks for such kindness and support.                                                    

Nevertheless, every time I did make him leave or call the law for help, he turned around  putting the blame all on me ,as I would face child services a few more times.                                                                                                                 

Until child services finally caught onto him doing this out of spite and revenge. They also warned him that if he called one more time on me they would go after him now.                                                                                                                       

All those awful events that took place throughout the hard years had taken me a long time to open up and talk about this subject as it defiantly affected me.                        

I felt maybe it was my fault and sure made me feel less of a person due to all the putdowns, as I did not wear make up no more or feel good about myself. Since I had been called a worthless nothing far to long.                                                                                                    

I even lost dramatic weight, as I could not eat after going through an emotional roller coaster ride all day long and actually ended up with a peptic ulcer from stress.                                                                                                         

Furthermore, after such a rocky journey,