What is with this “Girls Gone Wild”?  Have you ever seen one of those videos? Me neither. But where do they GET all those girls going wild? And why are they going wild? I’d be happy for just one girl gone wild.   Even one girl gone slightly wild.   Even an older woman feeling a little less reserved.

I hate to admit it, but there is a part of me that is always on the lookout for a girl going wild.  But I have long since given up hope.   It would never happen.  I guess my life style is not conducive to randomly running into a girl going wild.  I mean it wouldn’t happen in a supermarket… “woman going wild in aisle 7”. 

I never actively avoided girls going wild, but I guess the answer is that there are designated areas for going wild that I am not privy to.  There is probably some code word you have to use when booking the cruise. Like “single” or something.

And what type of girl actually goes wild?  Could it be someone we know with a secret life?  Someone who sneaks out at night and “goes wild”?  Or someone we think we know like the woman who rents us the DVD’s.  “Where is Sheila tonight?”   “Oh, she’s going wild tonight. She’ll be back in tomorrow.”

One thing I worry about, and it makes me a little nervous….is the blurry nipples.  You know on the commercials.  It makes me worry about today’s boys who see this as they grow up.  When they finally get a chance to see a real nipple, they might freak out.  “Wait  - that’s not right!”.   That’s why Janet Jackson might have performed a public service. It was like saying: “This is what it really looks like. Don’t be fooled by the blurry ones”  It even had a little star around it, for emphasis…..

It’s like when I used to try to watch the porn channels that were scrambled.   It would get all wavy, but occasionally I’d get a glimpse of something exciting, just enough to keep me interested.   But then when I was finally dating, I’d be asking my girlfriend, “Could you just like wave your entire upper body left and right real fast, and turn like the reverse color or  something?”

It is also interesting that you don’t see: Men gone wild.  Women really do not want to see men going wild! I don’t care how good looking he is, if he goes wild, he is creepy.  I think we would rather see the opposite: “Men who used to go wild gone shy and reserved” or “Men having no intention whatsoever of going wild” -  get the DVD!.