Hidden Love….

My eyes are closed as I write this

Now they open with fear of mistaken words-

I type in metaphors so that the truth is still veiled.

I don’t want my deepest feelings to invade my heart

For if they do-

My vanishing soul will glow-

As does a star right before it dies

There are words I wish to speak

but cannot for fear you’ll hear

the jumpiness in my throat

and see through the disguise-

the one I wear

to keep safe from you.

And to think-

You and I are so much alike.

I’m not sure what to think

You are confusing

Constantly changing

What do I do? No way - not again

You’ve changed faces

Will it ever end?

I can’t play anymore.

Time to end this chapter in my life

Maybe one day we will meet again

But just not right now.

Why can’t I just come out and say it?

Why is this so hard?

What is stopping me?

I loved you then and I love you now

I wanted you then and I want you now

When your arm brushes against mine

All I think about is being embraced

in your strong arms

And  feeling your warm lips upon my neck

When your eyes meet mine

I cannot breathe

Then you smile

And my whole body shivers

You tease me

I can’t respond

You are my future

You’ve always been

You always will

I loved you then and I love you now

I am vulnerable

I am weak

Your so strong

Your so collected

I have nothing left

Just a hope

That maybe you’ll mean it when I see you smile

And maybe

Just maybe you will take my hand

Draw me in close

Grab me by the chin

Ignore me as I shake and try to push you away

And hopefully you will just kiss me

Let’s pretend

For just one day

That we’re in love

And have secrets that only we know.

Numb

I thought about you all night long

Couldn’t sleep

Nor feel anything except numbness