Grief begins in your center place,
Where heart and soul are one,
And spreads equally throughout,
Like a wave washing through a pool,
With the reminder
That a part of you is gone.

I am lost:
With the tragic reality before me,
That he is truly gone,
And a silent scream erupts
Deep within,
Stifled by the need
For strength,
And the human compulsion
To put one foot in front of the other,
Because life goes on,
And weakened by his loss,
But strengthened by his enduring presence,
I hope to break even,
When all is said and done.

“If only you could know”,
Is what he said to me,
Honoring our time together,
A perceived sacrifice,
Which was really an act so small,
And no sacrifice at all,
But he was pleased with simple things;
Time together,
The scent of the morning air,
As we watched the rising sun,
Together,
And marveled at the miracle of companionship,
Father and son,
Side by side,
At the break of day.

In the days of my life,
I longed to make him proud,
Often failing,
If perhaps only in my own mind,
For with him there was grace,
And he gave me more acknowledgment,
Than surely I deserved.

But what now, Father,
As I hear your words upon the wind?
How will we share our days,
So important have they become?
Like those before me,
I would ask for one more day,
A day to tell you I loved you,
And what you mean to me,
But those were words we seldom spoke,
For so rarely was there a need.

I hope that I have learned well,
Lessons imparted to me,
And I hope that I have the strength,
To do always what I know to be just,
I pray for vigor,
To carry the family name,
So that he can forever remain proud,
And perhaps, I will do the same.

For now,
Let me tell you how grateful,
I am for all that he has ever done,
For the guidance, the patience,
And the sacrifice,
For the joy of being his son.
He will forever be the master,
That I’ll emulate,
Each and every day,
In my relationships
I’ll remember the example,
And follow his lead in every way.
But for today my heart is broken,
And the tears so freely flow,
As to when my broken heart will be mended,
“If only I could know?”

My father and best friend, Ed Whyte, died in a tragic accident Friday morning February 1, 2008. It happened before my eyes, a vision that I can never escape, and my life has been forever changed because of it. Dad was the finest man I’ll ever know, talented beyond my ability to describe here, and possessed of an independent spirit that made him unique and special. There is a mighty hole within me and my spirit is so forlorn. I will miss him in so many ways – if only you could know…