This poem is pulled from my soul from "Shadows of the Past"

I came to them one September night
A child unwanted, Neglected for sure
Eyes a dark rich brown
Hair the color of corn silk
To a woman that refused me even her milk
My fathers time was better off spent
With buddies and booze
That’s where most of the money went

I was the oldest
More baby’s came each year
Stair steps to share their pain
Until you ran off and left us
away you went....

They came and took us all away
Four little girls
full of pain and hurt
The home they said
Would care for us
Give us everything we would need

But no one was there
They never saw
the dog food
we were forced to eat
Or the bed on the floor
where I slept
They never saw the dog
full of flea's
Or the pain of the child
crying out in me.

I remember the Dairy Freeze
And the ice cream we were refused
I told my Sis not to cry
We would be here for only a time
I wiped the tear from her eye
And wondered if we might really die

I was the oldest and took the blame
The many spanking that I got
Were nothing compared to
the pain in my heart

I was lucky or so they said
I just looked at them
Full of dread
What now would lay ahead

It took me years to find even two
After I was separated from you
But I never forgot those words that I said

"don't cry
oh please don't cry
I'll find you someday
I'll keep you forever
Here in my heart"

So they tore you away
They tore us apart
But they couldn't take you away
From big Sis's heart

Thirty some odd years passed
And we each moved on
Before we were to reunite
I was spurred by those memories
From early on

A good mother I vowed to be
Nothing like the one
that gave birth to me
A good man I sought to find
To father the children I had in mind
One that never took a drink
and would never hurt his child
But those memories from early on
Still tore my world apart


It took me years to come to terms
With all those childhood fears
To let them go and learn to live
Not in fear
Not in dread
Not in the past
For those days are gone
They did not last
To learn to live just for today
And thank God for those lessons learned
from those shadows of the past.


© 2003 Tina M. Clark