My life right now

I’m not sure what is going on in my life right now. I sometimes get depressed and feel that I don’t have a friend in the world. I do believe that my wife is my friend but who do I talk to when she and I have issues? Yes, I do talk to her after we have both had time to gather out thoughts but who do I bounce my thoughts off of in the mean time? Who is there when I need to vent?

I feel I have buried myself in writing. I write what I truly believe God gives me to write. I write with the intent of helping someone who doesn’t know God to meet Him. I write with the intent of helping someone who does know Him build a stronger relationship with Him. But mostly I write because I feel closer to Christ.

My writing causes me to read more, study more and to have a better understanding of God’s word before I can write anything.

Maybe I have spent too much time writing. Maybe I have made my wife feel she comes second to my writing. That was not my intent. She has so many things and so many people in her life that maybe I thought she was okay. I waste so many thoughts thinking of the right thing to do only to find it was the wrong time to do them.

I back off when I think she needs space only to find she needed to be held. I reach for her at the times she needs her space. I have placed the responsibility to comfort her on others.

What is going on in my life right now? I know I love the Lord and I know He takes care of me. I know I have my trials and I know I will be tested. I also understand that I am graded on those tests and with those grades come the determining factor of if I need to take those tests again. God is wise and I know He knows what is best for me. I shouldn’t question my life or what is happening in it. I should completely understand that God has control and knows what to do and when it should be done.

But that is my weakest link, the kink in my armor. My faith is lacking what it needs to overcome the enemy’s attack. I love my God and I do understand this walk is one of many steps, this journey is traveled day by day. But God I ask you on this day to shine your light brighter than ever to make the dark more apparent. Lord please empty me of more of myself so that I may make more room for more of you.

I also understand that I ask of this knowing I must do my part. I understand that there must be something there in order to have increase otherwise you are continuously starting over. You have shown great patience with me and a love that no words could explain. If only I could learn to treat myself as well as you have.

Lord I love you,

Sincerely, 

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