Christmas Office Party

Christmas party season is upon us with a swing

What will I get in my cracker? Great…a plastic ring!

The boss is on form snogging every girl in sight

Thank God I’m in the little girl’s room, replacing snagged tights

What a spread we’ve laid on, from corner shop to Market stall

Oh no! Roger’s back from the pub, legless. Yes…what a fall!

The drinks are going rapidly down everyone’s neck

The director’s just walked in with the most ridiculous pair of specs

Great! Dave’s got hold of the mistletoe, the only thing he’ll pull

Is a hole in his hand knitted sweater of Fair Isle wool

I keep looking at the clock. Isn’t it time to leave?

Oh God…here comes the boss. Time to bob and weave

Think I must be the only one who’s sober here

Tempted to drink the do dry; even tempted by the beer!

“Hello Gorgeous.” I hear the lame chat-up line

This affair is akin to a badly scripted pantomime

Simon’s definitely up for the ultimate shag-fest

What’s up with the guy’s? Is this really their best?

Can’t believe it, Alice’s cleavage is totally displayed through her vest

Still, nobody’s bothered;she’s slumped in a corner. Passed out! Probably best!

“The Christmas spirit is here,” I hear the boss say

More like the spirit is inside him. What a drunken display.

Is every office party such a farcical mess?

It’s Christmas and so “yes,” is my educated guess

© Andrea Coltman