The disease grows ever-steady
mental barriers weakening against the dark
Its insidious tendrils taking me over
whispering that madness is a source of stability
The seduction of it all wraps me in a cocoon
casting all away leaving just a hermit in a shell
it cannot be fought because part of its deception
Tells you it is where you belong and who you are,
robbing you of any motivation to escape.

You would not know me any longer
The child sleeps so soundly not even a breath can be heard
Giving doubt that there was a child in the first place
I would be immersed in the darkness entirely
if it were not for my last remaining shield

You are that Shield
More specifically the memory of You is
I fear to actually call to you, not wanting to pull you into the vortex
So I use the fragments of past to fight the emptiness.

Although there are times the dreams betray the intent
where I can feel myself holding you again
looking into your eyes as we lay side by side
communicating that which cannot be expressed through language.
feeling the connection more than what can be gifted by memory.
a simple dream and infrequent dream Yes, but no less powerful.  

Unlike a dream a remembrance can be controlled
Such as

First meetings when in a moment
truth was given to assumption.

Concepts of time and space redefined
In a bubble of our own existence

An awkward moment before the kiss
melted as lips opened the path to convergence.

The opening of a door with you standing there
and the Gasp and heart flutter every time I saw you

The ecstasy of physical love
commingled with the spiritual blending.

Immeasurable Intimacy in all we experienced,
fading all perceptions of surrounding environs.

Thoughts of the purity of a love
that continues still.

I bathe myself in each and every memory
Savoring the moments like they were precious gems
It is only then that I can hold the reaper at bay
But I also fear that this too might create a pull on you
where none is wanted
if this is the case I can try to stop
but I cannot stop loving you it is in the deepest part of me
a place I cannot alter even with all the applied logic and rational
or the voices saying you must let go
it is like it is embedded in my DNA
and the yearning and desire to see you again never ceases

I use to be able to sense you but that gift I no longer have
therefore I do not know if this springs from ego
or just projected thought,
but I feel that you are in the same place.
needing just a bit of infusion
to pass through what must be endured
so I write to you trying to tell you
that in a way I am still beside you
Trying to hold your hand and let you know
you are Loved in the true st sense of the word
Of course I also write for myself
because when I am writing to you
all else goes away