Dear unsuspecting children, here's coming a visit to your party, the missus don't aprove of your shenanigans and send me to give you a good guidance, but what shee don't see.....

An old geezer like me always have something
up his sleeve to give them dumb folk surprises
because Halloween was made to scare fools
that to a sham of a Canuck party are invited,
calling himself Grande Master of Dread & Dead,
a ninny over the border that should apologize.

Oh! what an unexpected arrival I will be doing
arriving at Feet’s House with the drags of Santa!!!
a little early I would admit but what the hell
that bunch of schmucks deserve a good agonize,
after all that witch doctor is well and forever gone
thinking that a dragon would be a brother’s demise.

Yes folk, don’t tell, is me, old Edvard the Elder
that not even my dumb brothers would recognize
one jumping around like a mad little kangaroo
the other, a frog, his long tongue a sexual device
which will get a Bobbit treatment if he’s caught
by Mean Tall Woman which happens to be his wife.

I aiming to have in my shaking bony knees
that Queen of the Night for a spanking like
was a lot of naughty-naughty during all year
and I am horny after all that “blue” revitalize
been too long in my skis down from the Pole
and need a helper beauty willing to be nailed.

To the host, that ugly back alley cat of a Felix
I bring a present that forget he won’t on a while
a richly cushion of silk and gold embroideries
with a mean steel jaws bear trap hide inside
to get the family jewels so no one pilfer them
he will be known afterwards as Fee in-vise.

So boys and girls and other disgusting things
be good in Halloween because here’s Santa!!!