Is it anger I feel?
Suppressed inside, and churning?
All to often I feel numb.
To what ever my surroundings.

I don't believe in anger at the world,
Not in my conscious mind.
This lack of emotion confuses me,
What feelings, do I hide.

Am I in mourning?
And living in denial?
Am I angry at some forgotten past?
Old history, lost in time?

Am I worried? Or filling up my mind
With unimportant issues?
About my life and where I live?,
bills?, or where I am going?

Perhaps these questions,
I ask of myself, will help me on my way
Back to who I had been before,
And the values I believed.

What happened to my gratitude?
For my life and my surroundings?
What happened to my compassion?
My desire to help all others?

What happened to the Joy I knew?
The light within my heart,
That with the slightest touch of the wind
Worries were set to right.

It has become so quiet here.
I can no longer hear the whispers
Voices that once spoke to my heart
A silent jail, I live in.

The day light hours, Now tortuous.
I pray for each nights fall
When once again I can close my eyes
And sleep away, it all.

I don't believe in anger at the world,
Not in my conscious mind.
This lack of emotion confuses me,
What feelings, do I hide.


Copyright 2003 D.Enise
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I believe in Life is what we make of it.
That there are times when we become so caught up in everyday life problems, that we can loose sight of what we have right before us. Things that we know we love, and or enjoy. Or even that there is light at the end of tunnels.

We all have tourmoils, tests of character, strength that we have, or will have to face in life.
Tests that may at one point become tiresome and our Spirits will give up.

My way of resolve when I loose my way, is to not hide behind inner walls I may create for myself. Once I realize that, that is what I am doing.
It seems to me, that I have been building these walls since last Summer at a time when I lost my best friend.
And had been struggling since that time to find my way back, thinking all the while that I was "dealing with it".
I just lost my father at the begining of this month, and have yet to "really" cry. When I realized that, I realized that is has been years since I have cried, which tells me there are harbored emotions behind these walls.
So in my quest to be honest with my self, and bring down walls, I am sharing this piece.

I have not really been able to write much at all since last Summer. I am hoping that what ever it is I hide from my self, I suspect pain and anger, that I will allow myself now to feel it.