Hell Boxes and Handbaskets

What it feels like ...
a monster tumor,
a kind of malignancy,
as if someone
has gnawed my bones,
splitting through to red marrow,
feasting on my insides,
a hunger beyond my reach,
defying me, stealing my might
spitting the acid mess
of woulda-shoulda-couldas
back into my open wound.

Worse yet ...
the wound is me,
but does not become me,
hard-scarring assault on my being,
burning worse than fire,
cryo'd, shards of skeleton,
me-mulch, like broken china,
pieces to small to repair,
dust that burns my eyes,
stinging my tongue,
burning past my throat,
gut rot, hemorrhaging free.

I am choking ...
I cannot breathe,
unable to draw life
betwixt-between broken ribs,
pithy meat gone acid-burn,
useless feed for my blood,
what's left of what has been let,
circulating in bloodless cold hell,
as I feel the curse now
acutely aware, chronically burdened
by a cure hurting worse
than the original disease.

I am left ...
reeling from strong medicine,
side- and after-effects rotting me,
occasional bouts of overdose,
for quick and certain relief,
in order to clear all margins,
the inner mending painstaking,
a deathlike, anemic winter,
hurting to the healing bone,
until finding the strength
I unlay blame, kill the shame,
reweaving heart to soul again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hell·box
n. Printing
A receptacle for broken or discarded type. The trough that runs between the aisle of the heavy metal carts into which dead pages are thrown. In the old-time printing world, this was a place for "discarded type," a recycling bin for "broken type." 

"Hellboxes" are also used by soldiers, with the box holding the detonation switch for the wired explosives at the other end of the long fuse line.

hand·bas·ket
Function: noun
: a small portable basket -- usually used in the phrase to hell in a handbasket denoting rapid and utter ruination .... or not!  :)