My Love, In Comparison To ...

The muggy heat no longer registers,
ridiculous annoyance, in comparison to ...
... the fires raging, floor to ceiling, in your world.

My fatigue, seems almost folly,
whining complaint, in comparison to ...
... the weariness that rips and snags your marrow.

The ache in my heart, missing you,
seems selfish now, in comparison to ...
... the flames shooting through, surrounding you.

My love for you is the constant,
full mirrored measure, in comparison to ...
... but never falling short of, your love's full return.

Please, Love, just return, must return,
as I am here all ways, in comparison to ...
... and matching you, stride-for-stride, this journey.

...My emotions today are about a dozen-fold.  Having just read the most recent AP report on the challenges and losses in the firefighting in California right now, I am reminded of the above piece, which I penned this time last year when a loved one of our own was involved in this same fight.  Paul was pulled from a nonburning forest where he was working in Alaska, flown and dropped into a heavily burning forest in Oregon to fight the wildfires for long hours, weeks on end. 

The work was grueling with little respite, and the worry on the homefront was enormous.  The firefighters lined up at the available phones at the end of the day for brief contact home and we managed to stay in touch every day, ten minutes at a time.  

If he called, and we were here to answer, the brief time on the phone was a treasure for all of us.  In the background we could hear the busy bank of phones and the other fightfighters shouting the same, "I'm fine.  I love you.  I miss yous," etc. 

If we were afraid we wouldn't be here to catch the calls, we adjusted our outgoing answering machine message, digitally mastering some kind of message for him to receive when he called home, never minding that all other callers would also have to listen to the same outgoing message.  Those that did would leave messages of there own urging us to let Paul know they were rooting for him too. 

Above and beyond that we rallied at home, making our best efforts to be less affected, our manner of thinking was that our own strength would renew his.  We sent care packages every day, overnight mail (cough syrup, gum, photos, candy .... whatever he asked for) and at the end of the summer, the postmaster actually made a point to meet Paul and shake his hand for a job well done in something even the postmaster said was "worse than war."

My heart is lurching today in many directions, for the firefighters, for the families, for nature's losses and for the losses suffered emotionally, financially, home and life-wise for the many involved in this current firestorm.  Personally, I can relate to the horrible nature of loss during a fire, no matter the fight spent.  This poem goes out there to everyone involved, because it really is a war, the enemy a real terror on wheels, and the fight ahead still long and hard before there is an end ... at which point it will seem to many that beginning again is just too difficult.

To my three brothers, I remember our own fire fight, the devastating loss and our strength in finding the new beginning ... and for Four Horns, in memory of last year, this is in honor of and in the hopes that the losses now, for everyone involved, lead to new beginnings.