living under thumb,
i failed to feel connected,
unable to reach inside to out,
barely able to feel my own pulse.

under constant scrutiny,
nothing ever taken at face value,
everything taken to the extreme,
i lost touch with the real world.

grieving this self loss,
i dropped crumbs for the dead,
and because i didn't care
to clean up any further mess.

once a multi-tasker,
i failed in my ability to regulate
even one vital sign at a time,
not sure if i was even breathing.

faint and falling backwards,
i landed hard in harsh reality,
knocking the wind back into me
with the sudden urge to breathe again.