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  Home > Poetry > Poetry        Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry        Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

Kalikiano Kalei

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Books
· Coruscated Confabulations: Oh! The Humanity!

· Marooned on Moloka'i: Coconuts, Dreams & Death

· Saunas and War Toys

· Falling Off the Mountain (poems)

· Santa Cruz Sargasso, Berkeley Fog (poems)

· U S Chemical and Biological Defense Respirators


Short Stories
· The Jade Compass

· A Plethora of Papas

· A Great Many Moons Ago...

· Catenary Roe, a tail (sic) of Old Monterey

· The Great Venuezuelan Beaver Cheese OODA Loop

· The Saint Valentine's Day Mass Accretion (a short story)

· Everything you know is wrong...(part II)

· Everything you know is wrong...(part1)

· An Arrow for Amaterasu

· Outdoor Bob and the leaf-blower from Hell...


Articles
· Field Notes on the Species 'Homo sapien'

· Iaido: The art of Japanese sword draw...

· Obesity: To be or not to be?

· And now a word from Our Heavenly Host...

· Joseph Pujol, Le Petomane, star of the Moulin Rouge (1887)

· NorCal Coastal Cold Water Reflections, 1989/2007

· The Gold and Azure Frontier

· We the Pimples... (or) a Child's Garden of Constitutional Verses...

· Welcome to Californication, suckers!

· Confessions of a 'Yellow Fever' afflictee...


Poetry
· Solar fire of the Heavens...

· Find her in everything...

· Petrushka's Remorseful 5-Year Plan...

· The starward path: A tribute to Laika and Gagarin

· Merely a turn of the wheel...

· Crush depth

· The Doorway, twixt Heaven and Hell...

· Puddle Worms

· Happy Saint Valentine's Day Mass Accretion

· Here's to Twenny-Twenny-Six, replete with all its pending tricks...

         More poetry...
News
· Every writer needs egoboo (an ego boost)

· Two new books of poetry now released and available

· Santa Cruz Sargasso, Berkeley Fog (poems)

· Marooned on Molokai (a Hawaiian travel journal)

· Local Writer Not Slated to Receive Steinbeck Foundation Recognition

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Hair today, groan tomorrow...comrade

by Kalikiano Kalei — Read all 118 poems by Kalikiano Kalei

Soviet dictator Josef Stalin wanted to emulate his chief mentor, Karl Marx, by sporting a bushy beard. He was infuriated to learn that writer and poet Boris Pasternak, one of his most stringent critics, thought he would look better with a trimmer, more benign look. Pasternak's opinion was not well received by the Generalissimo, who was on the verge of sending him to the Gulags, and that is where this bit of impious and counterrevolutionary doggerel begins...in a Kremlin tonsorial parlour... [Yet another pome, of four stanzas, by my esteemed friend, A. Nonie Maus, of the Suckatomato Bad Potes Society]

Sunday, April 12, 2026


Poem Artwork

Boris Pasternak made a crack
About Josef Stalin’s beard
That when Josef heard, he thought absurd
But allowed he might’ve concurred,
“Had Boris joined the chorus
And admitted he adored us,
I’d have shared my finest tobacco
And skipped the whole prison fiasco.”

 
But Boris was a stylist
With a very discerning eye,
He found the Great Man’s bristles
A bit too much to justify.
“It looks,” he told a candle,
“Like a hedge that’s lost its way,
Where a family of sparrows
Might decide to spend the day.”
 
The Generalissimo scowled
And he gave his snout a scrub,
He didn't like a mere poet
Acting like a grooming schlub.
“My whiskers are for tractor-drivers,
And the men who forge the steel!
Not for sensitive aesthetes
Who care how velvet jackets feel.”
 
So Boris kept his distance
And he wrote of Doctor Z,
While staying far away
From Joe’s facial topia-ry.
For though the beard was prickly
And the Party line was grim,
It’s safer to stick with verses
Than to give the Boss a trim.

 

 

 

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Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on April 13, 2026
Your friend seems stuck in the last century… Particularly, the Russian one. Even the current generalissimo is clean-shaven, right down to his bare chest.

But I must give him credit for humor. It was a rather quaint and corny piece. But the real guys in history were all about very serious life and death matters. Shaving was a luxury that they did not partake in. Too busy throwing insults and in the case of Stalin, killing all of his adversaries.

Ron


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