Sleeping for Consciousness

It happens only when I sleep
this continual visit
persistent natal hex
but who beyond my mate
who is the one within the one?

How blurred the window
where beyond exists but penciled outlines
where wings fold into scabbards
a believed blessing
turns to derision
an ethereal voice ruptures

Its residue that of peace and love resolved

My own faceless Venus of Willendorf
peering down one last time
this empty picture above my milk home
such delicate whispers
from infinity's shadows

Might darkness follow?

Like a hex upon this desire
an innate need to connect
with the maternal essence of one
finding all too often delusion's solace
union seduced with rings
becoming but melted gold
beneath battlefield's delirium

I close my eyes to wonder

So many nights before

Of requited desolation

Why pleading tonight's slumber to bring peace
to deliver redemption's sweet breath
finds only deeper excavations
beneath epiphany unknown

When I try to pry open
the hands of my own scream pressed tight
curated nightmares continue their echo
rejection’s history following behind
like a looming prescient shadow
a gas chamber's taunting
revealing reason further
my once swaddling rebuff
of long ago

The ever-present blurred window persists
allowing my adoptive mother
to hold tight the rejected bundle
peering up
suckling my bottled containment
my home of another kind
providing survival's meaning

How soft the vanishing repose
How brief this embracing heart

Yet the redemption of this lifetime

She

The muse made real for this repentant man of errors.

It happens only when I sleep