During my career as a high school student, I was well-respected by most of the students in my class, as well as in other classes. I didn’t gain that respect until my sophomore year though. During my freshman year, and throughout junior high, I was considered a nerd. The way I got out of the hole and gained respect is beyond me, but I did it. When I did, I started getting involved with school plays, extracurricular activities, and girls; one of those girls happened to be Stacey.
Stacey was the most beautiful girl in the world as far as I was concerned. She had beautiful blue eyes, a fantastic smile that made me get butterflies in my stomach, and the waviest soft brown hair I could ever remember seeing. She also had the privilege of being my first date.
The first time I ever saw Stacey, I was a little nervous. One of her best friends was my locker partner, so when she found out I was attracted to Stacey, she introduced us informally. We all were in theater classes that hour. I was running errands for my teacher, and had to go to the room the girls too Theater Arts in. When I walked in, my locker partner started talking to me and Stacey walked over to us.
“Oh Stacey,” JoAnne looked me in the eye, “this is my locker partner Matt.”
Stacey looked at me with such a heart-warming smile, I felt like getting stuffed so I could be her teddy bear. She reached out to shake my hand and I felt a chill come up behind me. “Hi I’m Stacey,” she said.
I was too scared to respond with more than a “Hi!”
After that, we made ourselves good acquaintances and we usually said hi to each other at least three times a day. I was too shy and embarrassed to say much more than that, but I was pleased overall with our relationship. JoAnne took the liberty of ruining it all for me though when she told me I should try asking Stacey out. JoAnne wasn’t going to let me keep things the way they were.
I started giving Stacey goofy little hints that I liked her. My goofy little hints were more like goof-ups though. My first hint was the worst. I started sitting across the room in English class from Stacey. When I found myself looking for something to write or think about, I would stare at my dream girl. I held my stare on Stacey until either the teacher caught me and asked me a question, or Stacey caught me. Stacey usually caught me, and I could see her fluster, look away, or fidget uncomfortably.
One time when Stacey caught me giving her google eyes, she gave me a beautiful smile in return. It was like she suddenly was daring me to do something, say something or take action. This time I flustered. Instead of wanting to get stuffed, I wanted to hide. I could feel my face warm as I blushed. I had no idea how to respond to her. My eyes started to burn with tears. I didn’t really want to cry, but I was upset that I wasn’t thinking very fast. I was angry at myself that I didn’t know what to do. She locked that smile on me long enough to fluster me into dropping my pencil, losing my place in the book we were supposed to be following along in and finally form a goofy almost maniacal grin.
When she saw my grin, she lost her composure and started giggling. Her shoulders shook and it was obvious she was trying not to get in trouble for being off task or disrupting. I must have looked pretty dumb, because her friend JoAnne, my locker partner, started laughing too. I was so embarrassed. To this day it feels like the whole room saw me transform from mushy creepy gawker to clumsy ridiculous idiot. I actually have no proof anyone actually noticed our exchange though.
Since I had never done anything like that before, so after getting past the awkwardness of it, I thought I had made a brave move.
My pre-date encounters with Stacey were not really daring, adventurous, or filled with guile. Still I continued planting little hints. I would follow her down the hall even though my class was in a different direction. I would get in the same lunch line as she did, just to go back after buying only a milk to get the rest of my food in a different line. I would stare at her all the time, which probably made me out to be more of a creep than anything.
“Hi Matt,” Stacey interrupted one of my strategies once. I was in more shock than ever before and I awkwardly flustered hemming and hawing like a perp interrogated by a police officer. She knew I was gawking at her, and exactly what part of her body I was staring at. I blushed. When I finally spoke up, it was more like squeaking up.
“Hi Staytee,” I bumbled her name. “You look pretty and nice toady.” Kill me now! I felt like dying.
She was good about it though, and pulled me out of my shame. Her voice softened to a pitch and tone shyer than my own. “Why thank you Matt. You look nice yourself today.” Her eyes sparkled like stars and she smiled again. I felt my face glowing redder.
I flubbed that moment too by hurrying off without saying thank you.
When I realized I had left her hanging I literally hit myself in the head and threw my books own in a chair as soon as I got home. I was so befuddled around her. I didn’t know how to act, or what to do. I couldn’t even control my tongue around her. She made me feel so good, but I acted so bad.
I finally decided I should ask Stacey out. JoAnne helped with that. She wouldn’t stop insisting. I thought she meddled too much, but it was obvious I had to do something. So I waited at her locker. As I stood there, heart racing, knees knocking, and tongue swelling, I thought of what I could, or should say to her. She arrived at her locker before I had really planned my speech. I started anyway.
“What are you doing tomorrow night Stacey?” That’s right, I took the deceptive road. If she had plans, I could play it off. If not, she had to say yes right?!
She just smiled. Panic flooded my mind. She was waiting for me to go on. How dare she usurp my whimpy strategy. She was definitely far smarter than me and probably already knew exactly how to play this game.
It wasn’t fair. I was a beginner. “Nothing,” she finally said stepping closer to me, “why?”
“Well, would you like to go see a movie, I work at Dickenson Theater and I can get us in free and we can get free popcorn and soda and we can see whatever movie you like.” I rambled like a giddy little toddler talking to a brilliant shining hero. When I finally realized I was speed talking through the whole plan I cut myself off and said, “I’ll pay.” Ha! Pay for free stuff. Real gallant!
My face burned for the next few seconds as I watched her eyes and lips and hair, and.… ”Sure, I’d love to.” She said it so cheerfully and sounded so excited I slipped into kindergarten enthusiasm and clapped my hands. Again I was too giddy to finish the conversation until the next day.
She stopped me in the hall and gave me her address. Of course I was all eyes and ears and I just repeated everything she said like a stupid parrot. We agreed on five or six o’ clock. She told me I would have to meet her parents, and that if I wanted to I could eat at her house. I gracefully declined the dinner invitation, there was no way I wanted her to see me eating. We would have to go to the 8 or nine o’clock movie because her dad had to talk to me first.
I was so excited that I forgot to give her any details about my car, or my phone number or decide what movie we would see or anything. I just went home floating and thinking about nothing else. Her smiling lips saying my name. Her sparkling eyes dancing at me. Her beautiful arms wrapped around me as her teddy bear. Her perfect legs. Her hair, soft and wavy warm in the sun. Stacey, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
On the night of the date I scrambled to get everything she might want or that I might need. None of it was at all appropriate. My step-dad told me to take her flowers. He also advised me to be careful and not to worry too much, but have fun.
Mom on the other hand had an entire inventory of things I should do which started with showering, brushing my teeth, rolling lint off my clothes, getting gas in the car, checking the oil, and a thousand other things. She liked the idea of the flowers too. So I definitely planned on getting those.
Halfway to Stacey house it started to rain. I was driving a 1974 Ford Mustang II. It was baby blue. Stacey called it “cute.” I didn’t vacuum it out, nor did I change the oil or get a new car freshener. When I tossed the flowers on the passenger seat, they leaked out water on the seat. I didn’t know that of course until much later.
I parked on the street, too nervous to pull the car in behind her parents in the driveway. What if my car leaked oil on their beautiful driveway. What if the neighbors saw my used car next to their nice new one. I didn’t think about how much more walking I was making Stacey do by parking by the mail box instead of in the driveway. If I had been a knight, I’d have forgotten saddle pads for my princess.
I rang her door, and I think one of her parents answered it. I remember sitting in the living room as her mother took Stacey’s flowers into the kitchen. Her dad looked at me like he might eat me. I had no idea I would look like he did when I reached 46, but surviving this conversation was really on my mind more than anything else.
“So tell me about yourself Matt,” he had the advantage. What if I told him something he didn’t like.
“I work at the movie theater. We’re going to go see a movie.”
“Stacey will be right out,” her mom interrupted. “Can I get you something to drink?”
Drink? What? Should I? I don’t know. Will I come off as greedy? “No I’m fine.”
“What is your favorite class in school,” her dad had already re-commandeered the conversation.
“I like English. I like theater. I don’t like math. I hate math.” I caught myself speed talking again. And I was starting to say things I shouldn’t; what if he only let his daughter date people who were good at math?
“How are your grades?”
Silence. I fidgeted. “They’re okay I guess.” Lies. he can tell. He is friends with the principal. Oh I’ll never get to take her out again.
Stacey came out and sat down with us after getting the flowers from the kitchen. I couldn’t believe I let her mom give her the flowers. Oh what a dope I am.
“These are so pretty!” She smiled. Her dad let her coo a little longer before he started asking us serious stuff.
“What movie are you going to see?” I hadn’t even thought about it yet. I didn’t even know what was playing. How could I not know. Improvise dammit!
“There are a few, I hadn’t decided yet.” I should have told him his daughter hadn’t decided yet, but that was beyond my wit level.
“Well as long as you are home before 11. What is your driving like? Have you ever been in an accident?”
Stacey got up to take her flowers back into the kitchen. I guess she didn’t want to see her dad interrogating me.
“No, no accidents.” I didn’t know how to steer the conversation to friendlier territory. He started asking me about church and my mom and my dad. And my brothers. Then he started telling me the rules of his house. He told me about how when he was dating he had to be careful about sex predators and stuff like that. It was completely awkward. I know he wanted me to be careful with his daughter, but as he started asking me more pointed questions, I got even more flustered in how I answered.
Again Stacey rescued me. “We better get going dad.”
He stood up, gave his daughter a hug and walked with us to the door.
“You drive slow and have her home before 11.” He warned me one last time. Hi look implied all the rules about touching and feeling and groping his daughter. I think he knew by then that I was in way over my head though so he just smiled as his wife pushed past to hug her daughter.
Stacey walked me to the car, and I had to scramble around to the passenger side, in the street, to hold the door for her. At least I remembered to do that. The rain seemed to fall harder as we pulled away. I was so nervous about the conversation with her dad, about forgetting what movies there were, and about everything else that I started rambling again. This time I talked about myself.
Stacey listened and made a few small comments and interjections here and there, but I totally dominated the conversation. I was so occupied with the conversation and so flustered about not having the movies that I hit something crossing the road. I think it was a cat or a dog, but Stacey said it was an oppossum. Either way, I had hit an animal with my car.
Mortified I pulled to a gas station and looked at the car. I don’t know what I would have done if there was animal fur or blood or a little collar that said tinkerbell hanging off the bumper. I got a newspaper and some candy and took that out to the car. I couldn’t see anything and I told Stacey to look with me and see what was playing. Had it been 2017, she would have pulled that up at her house when I was talking to her dad, and we would have even had the tickets on her phone. It was only 1988 though.
When we got to the theater, the only movie we could see because of the curfew, was Moonstruck starring Cher. It was a great romantic comedy, but I was no great romantic. I sat through the movie beside Stacey, not saying a word. I didn’t put my arm around her, hold her hand or even touch her. I was terrified I might hurt her, break her, or violate her in some way. My step-dad never coached me on the right moves. He just warned me on all the wrong moves.
The drive home was probably worse than the drive to the theater, because I really had nothing left to talk about. Repeating stories about me, quoting lines from the movie, and talking about school were all lame conversations. They are all I had in my repertoire though. I should have asked my step-dad for tips about that too. When we pulled up to Stacey’s house, I could tell she wanted it to be over quick. She started to open the car door by herself.
She was sweet about it though, and let me open it for her and walk her to the door. The good night conversation was sweet and as sexless as my moves in the theater though. I sounded so desperate when I asked her for a good-night hug. She obliged me though and cautioned me to drive home safe. I flustered again thinking about some animal cursing me from the side of the road with a hemorrhaging brain.
I drove home thinking next time I will do it right. I would have a better plan, I would have stuff to talk about and I would at least put my arm around her in the theater. Though I tried, Stacey never let me have a next time. She was sweet, but started dating David a week or so after my foible. I guess my courage had some polishing to do. I’m still thankful I got to spend an evening with Stacey, even if I never got to spend more than that with her.
Book three in the Megan Martin series finds Megan, May, and Brianna trying to find the missing parents of a homeless girl. In addition, the girls are introduced to the local homeless shelter and do their best to make a happy Christmas for all their
Shine is designed to help you build a firm belief in yourself and your abilities and empower you to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience
