I told you last week about my Identical Third Cousin Arthur, ‘Don’t Call Me Art’, Dekko’s untimely brush with the long arm of the law over in Fairy Butte. Untimely in the sense that at this (un)time(ly) Arthur has no money to pay the accusing party, one City of Fairy Butte Traffic Bureau, for his alleged crime. He responded immediately putting half  a mind to work in an effort to arrive at a scheme where he could make quick money quick; without actually having to work for it of course.  Money is what he needs...’cause it’s money that will be required to hire an ambulance chasing truth manipulator to aid in his plea for a not guilty verdict, due to his innocence (also alleged, if you ask me) regarding the traffic violation citation he received for speeding in a no speeding zone.  Allegedly.

The first thing he did was call up the New Monia Junior Jr.College, where he took Artin’ I last semester, to see if he might get a part time job tutoring the hoards of obviously curious educationally deprived individuals hungering and thirsting to death for knowledge if they can come by their education paid by the G. I. Bill or other type programs.

.  As it turned out the school needed one more summer class to fill so they could be eligible for the Fed Funds that sponsor their Lesser Learning program.  They were eager to inform Arthur that he could pick any subject he’d like to teach. 

 Way ahead of the game, Arthur had his resume ready as well as a course syllabus.  I helped with the spelling part and changed a few words around so the whole thing made sense to a degree or two.  I am to inform you that there are a few spaces left for the class to be held soon.   See course description below.

Muditation I

A one day intensive course unconcealing the joys and magic of bankside mud to include river, creek and pond varieties.  Become as one with Mother Earth by experiencing her in all her textures using only your bare feet and a desire to learn from a master of the art.

Transport your unconsciousness as Professor Arthur guides you on a journey of tactile discovery.  Learn to identify from little more than a glance the oozy from the course, the warm from the cool. Unleash your mind and explore your senses employing mud to create objects d’art, or, as we call it, toe statues.

Depending on the speed of the class, we may spend the final few hours ‘Dancing With Minnows’ one of Professor Arthur’s nearly patented methods of relaxation techniques.  This workshop will require that you be willing to stick little hunks of white bread between your toes, hang them off in the creek and let the minnows and other little fish grab the bread while brushing your toes. Be warned that if you are on the ticklish side you will find yourself in the creek actually dancing with the minnows and screaming with laughter.

The class will go on rain or shine so wear appropriate clothing or lack of.  You will need footwear only to get across the pastures to the water.  There are a lot of stickers and briars out there right now!  Sunscreen is optional depending on how many clothes you insist on wearing.  No sunscreen is allowed on the toes or feet so as not to further contaminate our pristinesque lakes and streams.  Contact Arthur ‘Don’t Call Me Art’ Dekko for more information.

You know what?  I think I’m going to sign up.