TENTATIVE CONCLUSIONS
by
William Cottringer


I think I have gotten to the point where I can make some tentative conclusions about life. At least these things seem to be holding their own as far as being true over time. Here are ten tentative conclusions to consider:

1. Life is one big behavior modification program. Over the long haul, “right” actions get rewarded whereas “wrong” actions get everything else. This is the most consistent operating principle in the whole universe—and it is the clearest and quickest feedback to let you know whether you are on the right or wrong path. The degree of your success is directly related to how clearly you see this principle and how well you apply it. Oddly, this first principle of life is often the last learned. The bottom line is that we all agreed to accomplish a particular mission a certain way in exchange for this opportunity to live, and any straying away from our obligation doesn’t give us what we want. The inevitable reality to which we all eventually have to surrender is that we are all actors in a play directed by God. We are all stewards charged with managing His resources for a maximum harvest.

Life is one big test. We are all born with unique talents and gifts and given opportunities to acquire helpful knowledge and skills along the way—all for one purpose—to help others improve the quality of their lives. We are graded on how well we use our gifts, talents and opportunities to accomplish the harvest for the Master, who shares it with us and others. Why do we resist this reality to the last possible moment with everything we have? I don’t know about you, but I want to get an A+ of this exam!

2. Everybody is learning and growing at his or her own private pace. It is the differences in people’s paces that are at the root of most problems. Sometimes our slower paces keep us from understanding someone going at a faster pace and vice versa too. Trying to tune into the gaps between people’s growing paces is a full-time job, requiring the best thinking of which you are capable. Meeting someone else at the same place and time is an unforgettable, magical moment of serendipity. Unfortunately those peak moments are too few and far between. Or is there something you can do to make them more prevalent?

3. We all have a natural, invisible growth mechanism. The object of growth is to cultivate healthy behaviors and eliminate unhealthy ones. The only way to do that is to let go to a natural process that is already going on—gradually becoming more aware of unhealthy behaviors as they occur, recognizing the discomfort of their consequences, thinking of reasons not to continue them, and replacing them with healthy behaviors. The real trick of growth is to transform our negative, unproductive thoughts and feelings into more positive, productive behaviors. We were all given a special talent for doing this. Why does it take us so long to see how to do this?

4. The greatest challenge to growth is in relationships. You can make great progress learning and growing on your own, but get in a relationship to really test and push yourself past any boundaries you ever knew existed. Relationships are where the most painful conflicts are bound to occur—between nonnegotiable expectations, values, needs and desires—which will stretch you past all know boundaries. Such conflicts are opportunities to grow exponentially and each successful conflict resolution builds important skills to get through the more difficult ones that are sure to come your way. Why do we try to avoid the very thing that can help us the most?

5. An important milestone in growing is in understanding the importance of balance. When we finally see the value of striving for balance—between thinking and doing, talking and listening, taking and giving, and working and playing—we free ourselves from many of our unbalanced, unhealthy behaviors. This freed energy can be used to strengthen and practice healthy behaviors. Being more balanced helps you to see many more alternatives, choices and solutions to problems than you can see when you are lopsided. Are we all so far out of balance that we can't see that reality?

6. Another milestone is timing. The best relationships seem to occur when two people are close to one another in their growth pace. And the best communication occurs when people slow down to really listen—to understand—where the other person is speaking from in his or her own present growth level. The more time you take to slow down and try to understand and accept people better, the more friends you make. And in turn they give you valuable clues as to how to be more successful in what you are trying to do. In anything, timing is everything. Is your mental concept of time what keeps you from having enough of it?

7. Only life experiences can build empathy. Empathy—understanding other people’s thoughts, feelings and perspectives—is the most powerful tool to get along with others better. But only when you suffer, struggle, fail and then succeed against all odds, can you really understand someone else’s viewpoint in a similar situation. It is the powerful life experiences you have that increase your sensitivity to recognize when others need your compassion. Sharing compassion builds lifelong friendships and helping others in times of their need always helps you to feel better yourself. Empathy is really love--what is more important than love?

8. Our greatest challenge is to learn how to communicate. The enormous Tower of Babble is formidable obstacle in human relations—much more than most people acknowledge. Rarely will other people’s ears hear what our mouths say our minds mean, without considerable effort to avoid misunderstanding. Effective communication is a valuable tool to use in growing from good to great. But such a skill is only developed by a commitment of lifelong learning and continuous improvement. How can you learn to communicate about your miscommunication, without making the same mistakes that got you in this mess?

9. We are all progressing. Wherever you are in the growth process, it is training and preparation for the next leg of the journey. When you are being disciplined or pruned for unhealthy behavior, it is painful and uncomfortable, but it turns out to be good for you in the long run—always taking you to a better place. When you start being able to accept whatever unpleasant situation you are in and learn positive lessons from extreme adversity, you have found the door to infinite greatness. Everything is unfolding just as it should be, and slowing down to see this reality is a reality that has no limit in applications for being successful in life. Do you need to pay more attention to your unconscious sense of progress than to your inaccurate conscious observation of it?

10. The gap between good and great is infinite. Becoming good at what you are doing is a struggle, but it is only training and preparation for the Big Show—becoming great in closing the gap between who you are and who you can be. We are all destined for A+ greatness at our own pace, but the closer we get to greatness, the more we realize is out there. This is the moment of going from the sidelines (limited view) to the game (unlimited view). The outer boundaries start dissolving and your potential is truly unlimited once you start arriving at your own tentative conclusions and building your life around them. Why do we spend so much of our lives hiding this ultimate secret from ourselves?

Verify these tentative conclusions from your own experience, or better yet, write down your own list. At any rate, by doing either, you will probably notice that the gap between where you are and where you want to be isn’t as far as you imagined.


William Cottringer is a Business Success Coach, College Teacher and Writer from Collinsville, IL 62234. He is also author of You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too. He can be reached at ckurtdoc.charter.net