“The biggest gap in your life is between what you know and what you do.” ~Bob Proctor.

Whether you are on the giving or receiving end of any kind of management, educational, medical, sports, vocational, mental health, or personal-development help, there is a trap we can all get easily caught up in during our own personal and professional journey. The trap is trying to do too much or be everything to everybody in solving problems or resolving conflicts. And we often do this by not realizing the large gap between our hopeful reaches and our actual grasps.

     The sensible solution is to focus on the main influences under our control that can provide the most relief from the effects of the problem or conflict situation. In many cases, it is simply managing the best response to the next uncomfortable situation with which we are confronted. Here are ten good reasons for focusing on less to gain more, in becoming more of the driver of our own bus. Like most any type of help, the bus is always moving and you have to jump aboard and work while moving.

1.       The main Gap. There is one main gap that can get in the way of any helping relationship. This is the perceived gap between what the giver knows and has the skills to do and those same counterparts of the receiver. It is essential for this actual gap to be processed accurately, with due consideration being given to these other gap contributors. Like the thought-feeling-behavior sequence, these gaps are all inter-related, where it is not clear where one starts and the other stops.

2.       Over or under-reach. It is important to see the gap for what it is. When we over-reach by shooting for the stars, all we often get to grasp is a small piece of the moon. And when we under-reach by just going for greener or taller grass, we often miss the opportunity of grasping a tall Oak tree. The reach has to be just right.

3.       More is not always better. In practice, one quality is usually better than four quantities. Besides, focusing on fixing too many problems at once may result in pervasive mediocrity, even with serial multi-tasking. In other words, if something is worth doing, it is worth our primary attention, one thing at a time until it is finished right or a needed pivot is made.

4.       Wants vs. needs. There is an important distinction between what our wishes and wants are and what our actual needs are. Often, our needs turn out to be much simpler and easier to meet, when chasing our wants can leave us empty-handed. Also, meeting our most important needs first, can save time for going after the most desirable wants. One other thing to consider is that meeting our needs can be more rewarding than trying to satisfy our wants.

5.       Enough is never enough. Getting more of anything never seems to result in contentment. The more we have, the more we want, and that finish line keeps moving ahead of us, just like trying to keep up with ever escalating inflation. Realizing when enough is enough is a really good way to start closing the gap between your reach and grasp. Winning any race can happen by either running faster or moving the finishing line closer. Doing both is better yet.

6.       Results can be disappointing. When the helping goals are too lofty for either the giver or receiver, over-achieving efforts usually widen the gap between our reach and grasp. And when we set the bar too low on goals, the under-achievement efforts do the same thing in reverse gear. The result is undue disappointment, frustration and even exhaustion, which can all widen the gap further for the giving and receiving sides of the help.

7.       Time is our most important resource. We know this to be a self-evident truth. So then, why do we want to waste time chasing after elusive wants at the expense of missing real needs, or focusing on too many things that seem to need our attention, while missing the more important stuff that demands our attention? This does not make any sense.

8.       The point of no return. Success in anything is often a matter of good timing. The best timing is becoming more sensitive to the point of no return before the opportunity to do that comes and goes. Course corrections, such as shifting focus from all the possibilities to the most important probabilities, is an excellent time management practice to employ in closing these gaps.

9.        Missing core problems. Too often, maybe in the interest of time, we may be focusing too much attention and effort on the noisy symptoms of a problem, when we should be asking more “why” and “how” questions in digging deeper below the surface. This is also a good way to understand the value of distinguishing wants from needs, as well as becoming more sensitive to the point of no return.

10.   The gap is vicious circle. The bad news is that all these gaps can compound each other to spiral downwards and make things virtually untenable. But the good news is that the same process can be reversed and used positively, in working together to close these gaps collectively Working to close any other gaps will save valuable time to work on all ten gaps, especially starting with number one above. 

    When helping means trying to do too much or being everything to everyone, care can become unsustainable for the helper and less useful to the person receiving it. In any form of helping profession, neither the giver nor receiver needs to finish in a worse position than with which they began. Understanding and working to close the gap between your reach and grasp is essential in giving or receiving successful help that improves the quality of your life.

“Good photographers close gaps be seeing what is outside the frame.” ~The Author.