THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE
By Bill Cottringer


I recently came to the conclusion that the greatest lesson I have learned in life is how to adopt the right perspective in the way I look at each new situation that comes my way. This commitment seems to be helping me redirect my general perspective of life to a better one than the 50-50 proposition I believed and expected in the past.

This slight change is bringing about much better results, especially in getting more of the positive things in life. I had always been extremely optimistic about getting past the negative situations, but maybe I wasn’t focusing on the right perspective. This is a major gain worth talking about because all the research on the benefit of total optimism is compelling. Basically it gives us everything we want and bypasses all the rest.

Getting the right perspective is the worst of all catch-22 paradoxes I have ever tried to solve. A perspective, or viewpoint, includes the expectations we have for the similar outcomes we have already experienced. It is a vicious circle in which we really can’t see which causes or effects the other. It is very much like the pretzel in which our thoughts, feelings and behaviors get hopelessly mixed up. It is hard to see where one stops and the other starts.

Getting the right perspective is a smart skill to figure out how to find and use, because the quality of outcomes you get with it are much better than what you get from a wrong perspective. What is the right perspective to have? Consider this definition:

Right Perspective = Seeing things neutrally past the flavor of their this and that differences and your own biases, beliefs, feelings and expectations, so that you can see the potential good in the situation and choose how to proceed in the way that benefits you most.

Last year my youngest daughter Abby was in the predicament of having to transfer to another part of the country in the middle of her senior year in high school. One of her instructors—her philosophy teacher—required her to take a final exam in order to get transfer credit. The single question was the best I think can be asked of anybody. The question was, How do you know what you know is so? In other words how can you be sure about something?

After much epistemology research in perceptions, intuition, critical thinking, and all known (and unknown) forms of knowing, our conclusion was disturbing. You really can’t be 100% certain. There is always a leap of faith about the certainty of what you know and the validity of the source from which the knowledge comes. But this is one of those right perspectives I am referring to. Optical illusions will prove you can’t trust your eyes!

Knowing that you do have to let go and take a leap in faith, you can then wait and find out if you were right or not by the way you feel—positive or negative—about the consequences or results you got from the choice you made. Then of course we get down to the core insecurity from which none of us can escape. We have to have faith that the positive feelings we have are correct when they tell us “yes” you made the right decision, or the negative feelings are correct when they tell us “no” you may need to re-think your approach. Herein starts the crazy catch-22 of the perspective from past experiences and future expectations. Round and round.

Are you getting dizzy yet? Here are a few simple solutions to this conundrum.

• Consider redefining “right” and “wrong” and “success” and “failure” as having nothing to do with you, but more with the information you act on and the results you get. Do the flavor of these words get you headed in the wrong direction?
• Slow down and notice the connection between what you are doing, the choices you make and the results you get. Are you continuing to re-apply a failing prescription over and over again?
• Consider both the short-range and long-term value of adopting a neutral, wait-and-see attitude without prejudging outcomes before they happen. What have you got to lose?
• Listen closer to your positive and negative feelings and what they are trying to tell you. Is there anything you can trust more?
• Start noticing the difference between the multiple-choice answers your psychological conscience shouts out as opposed to the simple yes-no answers whispered from your moral conscience. Isn’t it true that what you resist persists? (refer to the second bullet-point!)

Now I remember a key question I was asked and had to answer correctly to gain admission to a graduate school in counseling long ago. The question threw me off but I must have winged it correctly because I was admitted and graduated from the counseling program. The question was, Do you believe people are born basically good, bad or neutral? My answer was, “My religious training says bad, my heart says good, but my mind says neutral.” Neutral was the best answer because helpers have to learn how to separate themselves and their perspectives from the situation they are trying to improve. A good of bad flavored perspective affects outcomes in the direction they are headed.

With all this being said, I think I prefer to lean in the direction of hoping for positive outcomes with the choices I carefully make, and also hope for the ability to see some positive value and purpose in the negative adversities that I know I can’t avoid. Do you think that is the right perspective?



William Cottringer, Ph.D. is President of Puget Sound Security, Inc. in Bellevue, WA 98005. He is also a Success Coach, Sport Psychologist, Writer and Photographer. He is author of “P” Point Management, Passwords To The Prosperity Zone, You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too, The Bow-Wow Secret and Doing What Matters Most. He can be reached for discussion at either (425) 454-5011 or bcottringer.pssp.net