Is Violence Winning Out?
By
Bill Cottringer
“Nothing good ever comes of violence.” Martin Luther.
Psychology started out with an intensely dedicated focus on pathology and human failures. After that ran its course and ended up as a relative failure in not coming up with any genuine answers or permanent cures, the human potential and positive psychology movements got some momentum and traction by shifting focus from negative human pathology and failure to the positive human healthiness and success. Now, and maybe thanks to the media, this pendulum seems to be swinging back in the other direction and may need a nudge for some creative balance to be restored. Also in question, is whether there is a violence epidemic going on or whether the media has made more of it than it really is.
But, just like the sensibility of doing what we can to diminish harmful human influence on global warming, regardless of your belief one way or the other, the same is true about doing what we can to curb the seemingly increasing human violence. Violence is such a complicated phenomenon having too many likely causes that only the most widespread effort possible, can begin to make a dent. In thinking out loud, here are a few ideas on how to nudge the middle third of our population—the so-called silent majority—to lean in the direction of hope and optimism that violence isn’t winning out. This is the group in our society that is most subject to being influenced and also doing some influencing.
1. Stop rewarding the media’s gory glamorization and glorification of violence, by stopping spending hard-earned money to watch, listen and read the products that are way out of balance in this regard. You will never leave this industry broke, because whether they believe it or not, good news and positive stories sells just as well. The idea is to not stop the medias misguided life line, but just to restore some healthier balance.
2. Stop passing on angry political e-mails that perpetuate pre-violence anger. Just delete these without the normal sarcastic retort or sympathetic support. These political e-mails serve no useful purpose and won’t generally be missed if they are even read anymore, like car alarms in Miami falling on deaf ears.
3. Stop your normal, natural violent reaction to violence and use that wasted time more productively to learn something about it that you don’t already know and may need to know to stop inadvertently contributing to it in perpetuity. Anger begets anger and quickly escalates into violence and destruction and throwing gasoline on the fire just makes it spread. The quickest way to stop bad behavior is to ignore it, but unfortunately that is usually the reaction of last choice because it is so difficult.
4. Stop thinking about or doing bad things altogether and stop thinking about doing good things without actually doing them to help restore some much needed balance between the positive and negative. Good thoughts without follow-up actions to carry them out never amount to a hill of beans. We may have all slipped so far out of balance on this one, that it may take two good deeds to overcome one bad thought.
5. Stop trying to change your basic nature from being cynical or pessimistic and just be the way you are and it will all work out to be a 50-50 proposition at the end of the day, like everything inevitably turns out to be; and whichever side of the fence you are on, it is always a good idea to have a back-up plan or two, just in case your side doesn’t come through for you. The safe bet is to expect the best but prepare for the worst.
6. Stop thinking that only some people are capable of violence because the truth be known we all are. There was an early psychology experiment where students were easily talked into pulling switches to deliver what they thought was fatal electrocution charges to victims. And then of course there was the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment that had to be stopped because the prison guards and inmates both got into their violent roles too fully.
7. Stop holding frustration and anger in until you are ready to explode. Practice expressing these bad feelings gradually and assertively before they fester, so that they are getting better understood and relieved, instead of just making someone else defensive and angrier than you. Expressing frustration and anger assertively always dissipates the harmful contamination of non-verbal connotation that always speaks louder than words.
If these seven suggestions aren’t your cup of tea, then react by coming up with your own.
“Violence can only be concealed by a lie, and the lie can only be maintained by violence.” ~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.
William Cottringer, Ph.D., Certified Homeland Security (CHS) level III, is Executive Vice-president for Employee Relations for Puget Sound Security Patrol, Inc., in Bellevue, Washington, and adjunct professor in criminal justice at Northwest University. He is author of several business and self-development books, including You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too, The Bow-Wow Secrets, Do What Matters Most, ‘P’ Point Management, Reality Repair, Reality Repair RX, and Thoughts on Happiness from Covenant Books.
I know that I can become angry and act on it, but I seem to be gifted with a rather mellow disposition that has kept me from getting in stupid fights or doing something stupid as result of my dislike of this or that. I still dislike this or that, but I address it in as positive way as I can, like talking about it for writing about it rather than acting on it foolishly.
About a month ago while at a doctor appointment I ran into Larry when he approached me very happy to see me. I knew Larry's father before him as an excellent engineer and project manager. We even spent a week together doing technical training where he told me about his early alcoholism, cancer in his jawbone, and his facing discrimination. A very gentle and reasonable man of much knowledge.
His son, Larry, on the other hand was a brilliant engineer who worked for NASA until he was fired. He came to work with us largely because of his father's, now retired, reputation. He was given responsibility for the central plant and ran it like Hitler. He picked arguments with many of the staff, some reaching near blows. When I tried to befriend him, he turned on me. One day over something that he didn't understand, he called me on my speakerphone and ranted loudly for half hour with the sound of the speakerphone going up and down the hallway, while I went to the clinic to have my urine bag emptied. When I got back, he was still ranting, not knowing that I wasn't there listening while everybody else was.
Even though Larry threatened the human resource director and many others, he stayed on until a year after I retired when an executive vice president he tried that anger on had him escorted off the workplace by police. I often felt that he might come back with a gun and shoot people… Larry was that angry and paranoid. I thought perhaps he had been addicted to cocaine.
Anyway, a month ago when he approached me, he was very happy and told me that he was working for a major corporation. I certainly hope he has toned down his anger now.
Ron