This article is written with the hope of helping someone deal with the loss of a love one through death. There are steps in the grieving process and we need to understand them as we experience them if we ever hope to be "whole" again and reach that final stage of acceptance to our loss.

August 28, 1994 and September 30, 1994. These dates would introduce me and my family to a hell like I had never known before. These dates represent the sudden deaths of my mother, Arcadia "Grace" Alexander and my seven and one half month old infant son, Jalen Michale Johnson. Death has been an intricate part of my life ever since I was four years old.
The first occurrence being the death of my baby sister, Glenda to pneumonia, followed by the death of my eldest sister, Thereas in a car accident while coming from her a high school prom. Even though the images of these deaths are burned in my memory, it seems forever, they would not send my world upside down because I was a young child then and as a child we are so resillient. I would also encounter the death of my grandmother, my boyfriend and then the death of my two and a half year old neice, Dorianne Monique Boudon, on Mother's Day, 1989. But time was able to help heal my wounds then also. But the deaths in 1994. Well, I would need more than time to heal from these.
How often we hear the saying, "Parents aren't suppose to bury their children." Well, I am here to say, it isn't any easier for children to bury their parents either. My mother had not been ill that we knew of. "A massive heart attack," the doctor's said. I don't think it is any easier if the loss is due to a terminal illness or not. The only thing that you do comprehend is that your love one is no longer here on this earth with you and there isn't a thing you can do that will bring them back to you. And then to lose my son thirty-three days after losing my mother.
Well I am here to tell you I practically lost my will to live. Yes, I still had another son to raise, but my pain was so deep that I couldn't rationalize my thoughts of despair. I desperately wanted to be with Jalen but because of my upbringing, I knew I couldn't take my own life and that if I did, I surely wouldn't be joining him in heaven. That was the only thing I knew for sure. And surely enough my other son, Haven who was only fourteen years of age at the time, started mimicking my, "I don't care about anything," attitude.
My husband, Welton recognized I needed help and immediately call on his friend, David, who worked at one of the nearby health care facilities. David recommended that we join a grief counselling group. The group eventually allowed me to recognize the feeling and emotions that I was having as being stages of the Grief Process (Disbelief, Anger, Bargaining, Depression/Sadness, Acceptance).
Being in a group setting showed me that I was not alone in my grief. It allowed me to be able to talk when I wanted to, cry when I wanted for myself and for the others who shared their loss and eventually come to terms with my losses. But I emphatically tell you I could not have reached that final step to acceptance without the Grace of God.
Whenever I saw myself beginning to slip into my bouts of depression or sadness, I just called on him and asked God to give me strength to handle my loss and I can tell you, he has never forsaken me yet.
As African Americans, I think that we feel we have to be strong all the time and because of our pride, we don't admit we need help in dealing with life's stumbling blocks for if we admit we need help, we are weak. That is so far from the truth. I feel if we can admit we need help, it is truly an indication of how strong we really are.
We, as African Americans, have had hundred of years of dealing with life's stumbling blocks, but if we go back to these early struggles, we will see that our ancestors were able to carry on because of their belief in God. And it is because of this in closing I would like to remind you, life is not perfect. But for all the imperfections, God is an on-time God. He is there when you need him. All you have to do is call on him. He will be there, and will carry you if he needs to, through all of life's stumbling blocks.