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The night Dad died, July 4, 1953.
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Although we didn't go to church as a family before Dad died (because Mom thought Dad was an atheist), she truly didn't understand his believes. As a Native American, Dad didn't feel God was confined to a church or building; God is everywhere around usin earth, the air, the water and our bodies are temples unto Him.
"Close your eyes open your heart, and the love in your soul will pour out to Him. Seek Him and He will be with you so long as you believe in Him." Daddy said as we'd stroll, hand-in-hand, work in the shed or weed the flowers as his 6'2" muscular body loomed, like a gentle giant, over my five-year-old body.
The night Dad died, July 4th, 1953, I admonished God for taking Dad from me. I cried and carried on so that my mother slapped my face
to quiet me. Shocked at her action (and whispered words, "He never wanted you in the first place
neither of us did!"), I called Mom a liar and got slapped again. Tearfully, I ran out to the shed to hide but, since then, I've always trembled somewhat when upset. It was the only time I felt totally alone
totally unloved by God and everyone else.
As a child, I'd sit in our backyard on top of the picnic table pretending I knew how to play the guitar. I'd sing (horribly so) and pray so long and loud that the neighbors' dog would howl. Once the dog started howling, he wouldn't stop until I shut-up
so I did.
What does God look like? I have no idea. It's His spirit, love and companionship that keep me company wherever I am, however I go. Besides, His appearance is irrelevant! The strength He shares with me causes me to believe His nature leans toward the masculine gender but, again, that is irrelevant to me.
Have I heard Him speak? No, I haven't. I'm deaf so that, too, doesn't matter.
What race? Petty stuff like that has never entered my head to even 'think' to ask. When you truly love something or someone, love is enough! Nothing else matters!
Everywhere I go, He is with me though unseen, unheard and possibly unfelt by anyone other than myself. How do I know He's there? I feel the beauty of His smile and the comfort of His shoulder walking in unison with the patter of my step.
When near the ocean I rise at dawn, when fewer call upon Him, and we walk together in the soft, foaming waves lapping the beach. I marvel at His creativity, sensitivity and the beauty of all He surrounds us withthe powerful, fluttering wings of a seagull, the oddities of aquatic life, the fluid whispers of the wind, the glittering sand ever-shifting, sifting between my toes. As dawn peeks, first light, tears fall in astonishment at the birth of another day, the continuing gift of life to all things, the never-ending love He has for us
the joy of it all.
Air, seasoned with salt and chilled with the morning mist, eases into me
refreshes my body and soul. I deeply inhale this newborn day and reluctantly exhale as who knows what tomorrow will bring?
The pulsating wind on my face washes away the grime of yesterdays' mistakes, the sorrows, the pains, the weariness of living years and years.
My soul aches to stay beside the ocean forever but it is not my home, not meant to be. God is in the desert, mountains, streams, rivers, valleys
everywhere. We have but to look deeply to find Him wherever we are but know this
before you look in nature, look within. When He lives in your heart and soul, you will find Him everywhere in everything.
Know that though He walks with me, He, being a spirit, encompasses everything and can walk with everyone at the same time
if only you believe.
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email: sillysal47.msn.com
webpage: www.corona-ebooks.com (go to) SillySal's Ramblings forum
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God Bless
Michelle!