Foreword: I have mentioned on other occasions, in other articles or stories, that when the "seed" of an idea just "pops" into my head - I MUST WRITE! My Muse's juices just flow! It's compulsive! But, what if I'm driving down the road in my car, or busy waiting on customers at work, or in some other inconvenient situation? What can I do? Many people do carry a notebook, or a small pocket secretary (that phrase has always struck me as an oxymoron, and sometimes brings on a brief stage of horniness) - anyway, it is not a bad idea to scribble down a few words on anything that's immediately available, even if it is only a napkin, or the back flap of an envelope (remember "Honest Abe'?), or if you happen to be really totally indisposed in "The Toilette Zone" so to speak - yes, even on a scrap of the "Musical Roll" -toilet paper! The point or gist is simply to CAPTURE that sucker (the IDEA - NOT the TURD!) somehow, for future reference, KAY?

Can IDEAS Be COINED?

Copyright: February 5, 2006
Tom Hyland


Well, Dear Reader, this particular idea just happens to deal with Language, in this case, the American, or what we tend to call, the English language. Now, while our fond 'cousins' across "The Great Pond" may often take grievous offense with our colloquialisms, and feel that we have 'bastardized' their beautiful and impeccable "Queen's English" - be that as it may, we 'Yanks' tend to somehow think we are unique, or perhaps 'Mavericks' - anyway, whether it is arrogance, or just stupidity, we ARE different. "Vive la Difference!"

When we were kids, coming up, we learned there were words that had special significance, and accordingly they were assigned labels, or names, or 'tags'. They were called: Synonyms, Antonyms, and Homonyms, right? Nowadays, modern advancements may have given them newer names or meanings, which I never bothered to learn, Kay? A synonym was a word that had the SAME meaning as a chosen specific word, but was spelled differently. An antonym was a word that had the OPPOSITE meaning, and a homonym was a word that SOUNDED the same, but had a DIFFERENT meaning - right?

Well, Pilgrims, as long as we are merely writing PROSE, this system works swell - but what happens when we try to switch gears to POETRY (or POESY, as I prefer)? All of a sudden - many, many, many of our English words present a problem, especially when dealing with RHYME. We have a preponderance of words that are SPELLED the same, but have different PRONUNCIATIONS! Sights and Sounds - Sounds and Sense - Unsightly NON-sense? Let me demonstrate:

Consider just a few spellings of: O-W and O-U-G-H --- okay?

"How now brown cow art thou?" That certainly works for rhyming, right?

But - wrap your tongue around this 'twister' - KAY?

"I coughed as the rough plough plowed through the wrought bowels of fowls
and dogies wrapped in dough - although, the foul odor of sewn down, sown in
rows, fought through the throes of the mooing cows' trough!"

HUH? SAY WHAT? Sure, it is nonsensical !!! But the phrase was created to prove a point! That I am an idiot? MAYBE! Is there any redeeming merit in my supposition? "What supposition?" You may ask. That, perhaps, "Poetic License" should not be restricted to an 'either/or' situation of rhyming, versus 'Free Verse'? HUH? Again!

What if a writer purposely USED words that were spelled ALIKE, but had totally DIFFERENT pronunciations to create a VISUAL anomaly that did NOT rhyme? Could it be HUMOROUS?

"Mary had a little Duck, and it was FOWL,
so she cooked it in a pot, and ate it in a BOWL.
Although she wrapped it up in some DOUGH,
it's meat wasn't tender - rather, it was TOUGH!"

OUCH! TOUCHE'! Is that a "Foul Ball" or what?

OR - what if she/he (the writer) USED words that had dis-similar SPELLING and SOUNDED the same, but had totally different MEANINGS?

"Smokers who do too much coughin'
May wind up in a coffin -- OFTEN!"
At the Viewing, his face held a SCOWL,
'Cause he's headed for Hades, on a SCOW!"

Now, now, Folks, be gentle and gentile, for I am, in fact, a DIE-HARD SMOKER - for REAL!

Does any of this make any SENSE yet? Or, have I confused everybody, including me? What in the HELL does any of this 'crap-o-la' have to do with "COINING" - you may ask! My sole purpose in 'penning' this diatribe by 'pecking' it into my lil keyboard is to ATTEMPT to coin two, not one, NEW words, viz:

VIDEO-NYM - a word that LOOKS right, and is properly SPELLED, but has a totally
WRONG meaning! Used on purpose to intentionally confuse the hell out of a reader!

AUDIO-NYM - a word that SOUNDS right, and is properly SPELLED, but also has a
a totally WRONG meaning! This one however, is used just for the sheer FUN of it!

Well my Friends and Fiends, this concludes our most Recent Repartee' of Radical Writing!
NOTE: I think that last phrase is called "Repetition" - BUT - I've been RONG B-4 !!!

OH! For your sheer pleasure and personal edification I am listing below a prefabricated personally 'pecked' pre-operative non-voluminous VOCABULARY - these are the first, hand-written GEMS, from whence cometh the GIST or PITH of the ORIGINAL IDEA, or thought process. As is self-evident, they are first penned (using the now infamous BALL-POINT) in random order, and then alphabetized for the utility and SENSE of it all:


ALTHOUGH - Pronounced - all tho.
BOUGH - " - bow (as in the dog said: bow-wow) OR Curtsy.
COUGH - " - coff. (as in the drink coff-ee).
DOUGH - " - doe (as in ... a deer, a female deer...).
ENOUGH - " - e-nuff (as in rhymes with snuff).
FLOUGH - " - fluff ( OOPS! Another 'coined' word methinks!).
GROUGH - " - gruff ( Bloody Brit spelling?).
HUFF - " - as in a 'Hissy-Fit'.
I & J - " - SORRY - drew a blank!
KUFF - " - that was the name of a movie, but it was plural!
LUFT - " - as in LUFT-WAFT (G. For Lightning War).
MUFF - " - as in 'Mons Veneris'
NAUGHT - " - as in Nil, or Zilch, or even Dread-
OUGHT - " - as in should.
PLOUGH - " - as in PLOW, not PLOFF, nor PLUFF.
QUAFF - " - as in throwing down some ALE.
ROUGH - " - ruff, not row (roe), nor row (a fight).
SOUGHT - " - as in looked for.
SEW-SEWN- " - as in stitching.
SOW-SOWN " - as in seeding.
THOUGH - " - tho'
THOUGHT - " - as in OUGHT, or an idea.
THROUGH - " - threw, not throw, nor throe!
UOUGH - " - as in EWE, or YOU - (and yet another SCORE!).
VOUGH - " - as in view, or vue, not vow!
WROUGHT - " - as in IRON, or "What miracle hath God..."
X - OUGHT - " - as in X-OUGHT-X (hugs n' kisses).
YOUGHT - " - as in 'you ought to' or you should!
ZAUGHT - " - G. for 'looked for'?

WHEW !!! There you have it! A complete Vocabulary from A to Z ! Who'd a THUNK?


As I sit here in the Buff, waiting to be Cuffed,
scratching my Duff, sure Enuff,
Don't gim'me any Guff! Nor go off in a Huff!
Where, oh where is Mein Luff?
(Gee, that G. keeps sneakin' in, don't it?
Must be my Mother's side, 'cause Dad was all Irish!).
Mary's Muff was soft as a Powder Puff,
but her skin was Ruff, sew I rubbed in some Stuff.
It was a Tuff job, but somebody had to do it - WRITE?

How dew ewe spell INSANITY? Have I lost all my marbles?
Or - were they sewn inside my Tummy, like in "Mr. Roberts?" Or was it "Ensign Pulver?" WHOOOOO NOSE? "Their coming to take me away... Hay-Hey, Ho-Hoe, He-Hee!!!"


NO WONDER NOBODY IS BUYING MY BOOK! WHAT BOOK?

"Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The HONS" --- ISBN 1-4137-7704-X