Well this particular topic may not be a 'hot' one for all of the Venusians out there, but I'm bettin' that most of the Martians may say: "I HEAR YOU!"

I've been driving for 48 years now, and this has been a 'pet peeve' ever since we watched the first MAN WALK ON THE MOON VIA LIVE TELEVISION!

AUTOMOBILE DRIVERS UNITE! BITCH TO SOMEBODY! OKAY?

GAS GAUGE


Copyright: 3/15/2007
TOM HYLAND


How come we have the engineering technology to shoot a Space-ship all the way to the moon, or even Mars, for that matter – and can do all the sophisticated things necessary to have two-way communications with Astronauts, while they are thousands of miles, way out there – and can do “All The Right Moves” to bring them safely back to Mother Earth – BUT – we can’t install accurate FUEL GAUGES in our automobiles?

Did you ever get totally frustrated by simply paying attention to that stupid gauge on your dashboard? When you ‘fill ‘er up’ that wonderful arrow points to the letter “F” for FULL, and you drive – and it stays there, and you drive some more – and it stays there. Then, somewhere between Full, and Three-quarters of a tank – all of a sudden it drops like a ‘lead balloon!’ Then, from one-half to a quarter, the sucker PLUMMETS like a Dive-Bomber, and you become so stressed that you almost panic, realizing that you need to stop and get gas PDQ – Pretty-Damned-Quick! Why is this so? You may ask.

Mainly because the manufacturers are TOO CHEAP to do it right. The gauge operates off a FLOAT. Said float is mounted somewhere inside your gas-tank, and is naturally subject to the motion of the vehicle. Haven’t you ever noticed that when you are sitting still on a sharp incline, with the front of the car facing uphill, miraculously, you have MORE gas? But, if facing downhill, you have LESS gas in your tank. Well now – isn’t that SPECIAL?

Now don’t get me wrong, in the past fifty years or so, the carmakers have made a little improvement. HOW? Well, while the dashboard is nicer, better laid out, maybe even fancier colored lighting, with pretty green lettering and benchmarks, with bright flaming red arrows or lines, the principle of the ‘float’ is still the same. TOTALLY INACCURATE! And, Dear Friend, Heaven forbid that this float mechanism should ever become faulty, because the dealer will charge you ‘an arm and a leg’ to pull out your gas tank to replace that SUCKER!

Just for fun, and to test my memory, I decided to take a stroll down ‘Memory Lane’ and list all my vehicles. My very First car was a 1953 Mercury, Monterey, two-door hardtop, and was only six years old when I bought it in 1959. I think I only ran out of gas about three or four times! Back in those days, when gas was about twenty-five cents per gallon, us ‘Rocket Scientists’ always carried an EMPTY gas can in the trunk, so that when you DID run out of gas, and had to ‘hoof it’ or ‘thumb’ to a gas station and back, you had something to carry the GAS in! That was quite sensible, was it not?

Oh, to be sure, there were in fact times when we actually had gas IN the can, in the trunk. But, because there were no SAFETY LAWS yet written about PROPER APPROVED CONTAINERS --- the FUMES permeating your car, as you drove down the road in the hot summertime, with no air conditioning was a constant reminder that you DID have spare gas – maybe no spare tire that was actually inflated – but plenty of gas! There was never any real fear of the car EXPLODING, was there?

Well, the ole Merc was sold to a buddy for one hundred and twenty-five dollars, and in 1961, the Second car was a 1957 Chevrolet Belair, four-door hard-top, V-8, with four-barrel carb, and Dodge Lancer hubcaps! WOW! SHE WAS CHERRY – AND COULD SHE SCOOT! Only recall running out of gas once, or twice with this BABY! Needless to say, same kind of ‘float’ gauge.

She was traded in for a 1959 FIAT 1100 for-door sedan in 1962. I needed a 4-cylinder ‘economy’ car to commute daily from Baltimore to The University of Maryland at College Park. Although I loved my Chevy, she was a ‘gas guzzler’ and I was also STUPID at the time!

As a footnote, this little guy sounded like someone had installed a washing machine engine into a square box on wheels. And it had a really CLEVER windshield washer mechanism. In the center of the dash was a big black rubber button, which was directly attached by two hoses to the washer sump. When you pressed it in with your thumb, the direct pressure forced the water up onto your windshield. Well, there was a teensy problem in winter, when sub-zero temps hit – the whole damned thing FROZE UPSOLID! About a half hour later, when your heater had warmed the car, and you were already at your destination – VOILA! The washer THEN WORKED! Same inaccurate gas gauge!

Then, in 1965, I traded this in for my very first, brand-spanking NEW car – a 1965 Dodge Dart, 4DR sedan, slant 6 engine, with automatic transmission – also a first for me! In the interest of brevity, will now just list vehicles owned, without all the ‘who-struck-John-BS! Next came a 1969 Honda Civic Hatchback.

Then came a used 1963 Rambler Station-wagon (2nd car, married with children now). Next was a used 1960 Ford Squire Station-wagon, then a Dodge Omni Hatchback, a 1963 Volvo, 4-CYL, 4DR sedan (I rebuilt the engine on this Dude, and it would outrun any 6-cylinder on the road). A 1979 Chevrolet Citation Hatchback was purchased new, but after six months of STALLING, and DISGUST with the dealer, was traded-in for a used DEMO 1979 AMC Eagle. ALL SAME INACCURATE GAUGES!

Then came a Nissan Sentra, Nissan Stanza, a Nissan Altima, a 1986 GMC Star-Craft Custom Van, and lastly, but not leastly, a 1997 Honda Civic, 2DR Sedan --- this was just traded in TWO WEEKS AGO, with 130,000 miles on it. T’was the Best Dog-goned little car I ever owned!

Now, I am proudly sporting a 2004 Chrysler PT Sports Version. I LOVE IT! And guess what it has a DIFFERENT added feature to the GAS GAUGE. When the pretty RED line, or arrow reaches the bright RED marker right next to the BIG “E” for empty – LO AND BEHOLD! A cute lil ORANGE GASOLINE PUMP ICON LIGHTS UP! After you drive a couple more miles, then an AUDIBLE WARNING CHIME STARTS DRIVING YOU NUTS! You guessed it, Pilgrim – the SAME INACCURATE FLOAT DEVICE DOES THE SAME DAMNED THING AS ALL OF THE ABOVE!

You are FULL – FULL – FULL ---- THEN SWOOOOOOSH ---- ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU ARE ON FUMES – FUMES – FUMES!

Now, beings I’ve never quite yet managed to SELL any of my writing, and never actually earned a PROFIT from same, I’ve never had the pleasure of owning or driving an expensive – Cadillac, Jaguar, Mercedes, BMW, Rolls-Royce, or other such vehicles --- and, I’ll bet that SOME of them may have an actual, digital, honest-to-goodness REAL GAUGE THAT TELLS YOU THE EXACT AMOUNT OF GALLONS/LITERS LEFT IN YOUR TANK! IS THIS A STATUS SYMBOL, OR WHAT?

So, as the Sun Rapidly Rises in the East, I leave you with the same question – why can’t DETROIT, or JAPAN, or KOREA, or GERMANY, or SWEDEN… OR SOMEBODY ---- INSTALL AN ACCURATE GASOLINE GAUGE IN EVERY AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTURED? PLEASE? PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE? WITH SUGAR ON TOP! TK.