Is it possible that our own American companies are SCREWING US WORSE than the A-RABS?

En Espanole - Es possible? - Es verdad? Comprende?

Read on, MacDuff!

CAVEAT EMPTOR – BUYER BEWARE!

Copyright: 7/20/07 – Tom Hyland


These RAT-BASTARD gas station owners are all in collusion! There is an old saying – “charge what the traffic will bear.” And AMERICAN DUMMIES are BEARING up well!

Once upon a time, we were all fed the BULLSHIT that because this happened, or that happened, the cost of a barrel of oil went up – so, it was just plain old SUPPLY and DEMAND – if OPEC was SCREWING US, it was just TOUGH SHIT – the cost of doing business, right? Not to worry, it’s just a cycle.

The ADMINISTRATION ( GEE, you mean the OIL MAGNATES THAT HAVE BEEN IN BED WITH THE ARABS FOR OVER 50 YEARS NOW?) had no power to do anything about it. HE couldn’t even help the Governor of California when ENRON SCREWED the state TAXPAYERS out of 32 BILLION DOLLARS ( that’s $32,000,000,000 – NINE ZEROES, no less) – could he?

The LYING, CROOKED RAT-BASTARDS IN CONGRESS couldn’t do anything about it. That’s LIFE, you poor, dumb, stupid American ASSHOLES, just tighten your belts, SUCK IT UP – wadda ya want, egg in yer beer? If life gives you lemons make lemonade!

Guess what, Pilgrims – we are all DROWNING in a SEA of LEMONADE… while these diabolical, fork-tongued, flim-flam GREEDY SOB’s are sitting on the decks of their YACHTS, sipping MARGARITAS and LAUGHING!

BULLSHIT! BUSHIT! JUST PLAIN OLD ORDINARY HORSESHIT!

Now, pray tell, what could possibly have PISSED ME OFF NOW? Let’s go back to those aforementioned gas station owners, okay? Here in the metropolitan area of Baltimore, Maryland the PRICE-GOUGING ranges from zero to thirty-five cents or more per gallon. A case in point follows.

In order to make ends meet, and eke out a meager living, in order to be able to pay all my exorbitant HEALTHCARE PREMIUMS, I MUST WORK a part-time job, delivering prescriptions. In the course of doing this, naturally I travel all over the environs – from CHASE, on the EAST, to PIKESVILLE on the WEST, from TIMONIUM on the NORTH, to ANNAPOLIS on the SOUTH – here and there, and everywhere in between – AND – my trained eye automatically scans every DAMNED GAS PRICE SIGN I SEE!

If I start in my local areas of: ESSEX, MIDDLE RIVER, CHASE, ROSEDALE, WHITE MARSH, DUNDALK, PERRY HALL, NOTTINGHAM – there USED to be sort of an AVERAGE price, let’s say $2.85 per gallon, and competing stations on opposite corners of the same intersections usually are within PENNIES of one another, right? If prices went up a nickel or so, they ALL went up! If the reverse occurred ( RARE AS HELL ) and there was a few cents dropped, all seemed to fluctuate like a NORMAL MARKET – you know, like FREE TRADE.

Not anymore! The guy who was a nickel CHEAPER yesterday, all of a sudden is a QUARTER MORE the very next day. Now, if this process followed some pattern of RHYME or REASON, face it – people just wouldn’t GO THERE, they would make a quick U-TURN and go across the street to the cheaper guy, right? But, it is almost like the COLLUSION of controlled pricing – the next day, the two CULPRITS DO A FLIP-FLOP. You may not notice this phenomena if you only GAS UP once per week, on average. But when you have to fill your fifteen gallon tank THREE TIMES PER WEEK – trust me, you NOTICE!

The area that was generally lower than other more AFFLUENT neighborhoods, suddenly JUMPS its prices up also, almost as if to say --- SCREW THEM, I WANT TO GET RICH QUICK TOO! When you just topped off two days ago, and paid $2.74 cents per gallon at a local ROYAL FARM store ( used to always be the lowest ) and now just two days later, the very same station has JUMPED TWENTY-FIVE CENTS, to $2.99, you notice.

Then there’s the scenario where you are cruising along with your gas gauge sitting on a half, or three-quarter tank mark, and you now have to run about thirty miles to an affluent area like COLUMBIA, you think, well I’m OKAY, I can make this round trip, then fill er up, when I return – NO PROBLEMO! Then, after shooting down 95, across 100, getting stuck in RUSH HOUR traffic, making your appointed delivery, then coming back out on LITTLE PATUXENT PARKWAY – WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU MA’AM, your cute little GAS PUMP ICON on the dash blinks on, and your cute little BELL rings like HELL – OOPS! GOTTA GET SOME GAS. And there, just across the street, right at the traffic light, sits an EXXON station – OH BOY, HOW CONVENIENT! So you tool right over, insert your credit/debit card, take a quick engineering course on how to work THIS FRIGGING DIFFERENT COMPUTERIZED PUMP, and VOILA, you happen to notice that you are being RAPED $3.06 for REGULAR GAS!

Then you think to yourself, using some quick easy math – well that’s only 30 cents more per gallon than back home, TIMES 10 gallons, is only THREE BUCKS, so 15 gallons is only about $4.50, that’s not too bad, is it? And after all, I DO NEED GAS, and it is SO CONVENIENT…

CONVENIENCE BE DAMNED !!! Remember the GOOD OLD DAYS, when one TEXACO ( does that name have anything to do with rich OIL MAGNETS IN THE LONE STAR STATE? ) FIRECHIEF EMPLOYEE jumped out and WASHED your windshield FOR you, and ANOTHER EMPLOYEE promptly and courteously filled your tank FOR you, and get another young WHIPPER-SNAPPER rushed over to check the air pressure in your tires FOR you? And they were all neatly dressed in crisp UNIFORMS, with SNAPPY HATS on each helpful, smiling countenance – WOW! WHAT SERVICE!

Not today, PILGRIM! You must consider yourself fortunate that the FAT NASTY BASTARD behind the BULLET-PROOF GLASS counter even SPEAKS ENGLISH! NO HABLO INGLESS! WHAT A COUNTRY!

MY FELLOW AMERICANS – IF I MAY BE SO BOLD AS TO PROPOSE SOME CHANGES IN OUR GAS-GUZZLING SYSTEM, HERE THEY ARE, FORSOOTH:

1. ALL Petroleum Companies should be NATIONALIZED IMMEDIATELY – ERGO, the government now OWNS them, ERGO, WE THE PEOPLE, OWN ALL GASOLINE STATIONS EVERYWHERE, IN EVERY STATE AND TERRITORY!

2. ALL gas prices within established areas – States, Cities, Counties, Burroughs, Townships, whatever, are SET MONTHLY AT UNIFORM RATES. You know how some states have State operated LIQUOR stores, where the price is the SAME, no matter which store you choose – it is an old antiquated concept called FAIRNESS!

3. ALL AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTURERS MUST produce engines forthwith, forever into the future that ALL run on UNLEADED REGULAR GAS – PERIOD! This is another outmoded, planned obsolescent concept known as STANDARDIZATION!

4. UNTIL NUMBER THREE ABOVE HAS BEEN ENACTED AND UTILIZED ON A NATIONAL LEVEL, ALL GAS PRICES ARE RATED BY WHICH ACTUAL CAR OR TRUCK YOU DRIVE – TO WIT: If you happen to be a poor, dumb SCHMUCK like me, driving an economical 4-cylinder, you pay the LOWEST PRICE… if you are a RICH SOB who drives a STATUS symbol gas guzzling, $50-60-75-100 K – FRIGGING HUMMER, you pay the Maximum HIGHEST PRICE… WHY? Because your FECES doesn’t emit malodorous fumes, now do they? You can AFFORD it, and you need to FLAUNT IT! This rather antique premise was once aptly referred to as – STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES!

5. DRIVER IDENTITY PROGRAM --- have you ever seen a BIG-ASSED PICKUP TRUCK sitting in front of you while stopped at a traffic light, and noticed that there in the center of the rear bumper, right below the STANDARD OVER-SIZED TRAILER HITCH ( oh, yeah, this is a dead giveaway that they MUST OWN a BOAT, or other expensive piece of equipment which basically puts them in the same category of the HUMMER-DUMMIES ) – there, suspended PROUDLY DANGLES A PAIR OF BIG BALLS!
I LOVE THIS ONE – if they are BLUE, or GREEN, or match the color of the truck itself, then the owner is from MARS – A BIG, BADASS MACHO MALE --- but if a cute, delicate shade of PINK, then there’s a BIG, BADASS VENUSIAN FEMALE behind the wheel – NOTE: I wouldn’t mess with her EITHER! This phenomena is probably as old as the HILLS, in fact, there are some soft-spoken meek drivers who would refer to this class of driver as REDNECKS, or even HILL-BILLIES ( I understand that in some Western and mid-Western areas they actually have fully loaded GUNS mounted in GUNRACKS in their cabs ) – you definitely don’t want to ever insult these MAVERICKS!

So, my Fellow Americans, as SOL slowly sinks into those beautiful, panoramic Western skies, you now have my TAKE on the old Latin admonition, CAVEAT EMPTOR – BUYER BEWARE. Although we all may be both weary and wary of THE GREAT AMERICAN GAS RAPE, one can not help but wonder, is there really anything that we can actually DO about it? Well, Gals and Guys, that is another ancient, almost forgotten control tool of the masses. It hasn’t been utilized now for many decades, but it was once a proud American tradition known as BOYCOTT!

If you don’t like the price - DON’T BUY IT. If you don’t like the company, or its underhanded methods - DON’T DEAL WITH IT. If you don’t like the person, or sales rep, or agent of the company - DON’T BUY FROM HIM OR HER. If someone even gives you a gift that comes from some person, place, or thing that you don’t like – TAKE IT BACK AND TAKE THE MONEY! Then go shopping where you truly like the excellent, courteous, FAIR SERVICE RENDERED…

THAT, Dear Friend, is The American Way…

As twilight now slowly approaches, in these, my rapidly advancing twilight years, some favorite lyrics from an old song come to my mind:

“Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight? Does your Mother say don’t chew it, and you swallow it in spite? Can you catch it on your tonsils? Can you heave it left and right? EH – EH – Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight? I wan’na love you Darlin’ and I wan’na hold you tight… Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday night… on the bedpost overnight… a dollar is a dollar and a dime is a dime, he’d sing another chorus but he hasn’t got the time…

ON THE BEDPOST OVERNIGHT ……….. !!!

J-PAL --- Tom.