"What's in a Word?" Maybe a lot of money, if you are a liar, cheat, or greedy, dishonest corporate CEO! or Congress person with NO SCRUPLES!

Definitely LESS money, if you are a gullible, naive consumer! or a poor, retired, unknowing, unwilling, sick - SENIOR CITIZEN!

NEW AND IMPROVED

Copyright: January 22, 2008 - Tom Hyland


As consumers, just how gullible are we? The idea recently dawned on me that the manufacturers of many products just might not pass a lie-detector test, if pressed for honesty in advertising.

Let’s face it, we all know that many products are sold because of major ad campaigns, which put millions of dollars into the coffers of Madison Avenue agencies, right? The term used most of the time is - HYPE. Several techniques are employed, like: a catchy slogan - LSMFT - “Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco” - or “When It Rains, It Pours” -
or perhaps an identifiable logo - “Oh, What A Feeling” - or famous spokesperson, like: Wilford Brimsley - or a cartoon character is used, like: the GEICO Geiko.

Somehow, someway, sometime - you are attracted by the LURE, then the HOOK needs to be set, so that you can get pulled into the BOAT of BRAND IDENTITY. Name BRANDS, PATENTED products, the FIRST of its kind - why is this protection even necessary?

Could it be to ENSURE that this particular company or Corporation is able to BUY its way, via LOBBYING - DONATING MONEY TO CONGRESS PERSONS, IN ORDER TO GET THEIR BACKING OR SUPPORT, OR TO TURN THEIR HEADS THE OTHER WAY - in order to GUARANTEE the major market share, because they spent so much money for Research and Development? Oh, really? Or is it because they virtually spent too much on advertising, and wanted to RECOUP it - NO MATTER WHAT?

Which leads us to the other side of the proverbial coin - GENERICS. We all are clearly aware of the BOON-DOGGLE of pharmaceutical manufacturers pricing, aren’t we? Why is it that - two different medications, made by two different companies, using the EXACT same ingredients, in the same size and configuration have such different COSTS to the consumer? Would you believe avarice, or GREED?

How many of billions, or trillions of dollars have been spent over the past fifty years or more, with NO VIRTUAL FAVORABLE RESULTS? Cure for CANCER? Cure for AIDS? Cure for DIABETES? But suppose THEY don’t really WANT to find a CURE?

What if the public is brainwashed to merely keep it UNDER CONTROL? How much do those FREE Diabetes Testing Meters actually cost? Do you have any CLUE as to how HUGE this market is? INSULIN, syringes, other medications, dietetic foods and drinks, meters, strips, DOCTORS’ OFFICE VISITS AND OTHER PRESCRIPTIONS, In-patient Hospital costs, Ambulance and EMT costs - the list goes on, and on, and on.

JUST WHICH COMPANY WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO KILL THE GOOSE THAT LAYS THE GOLDEN EGGS? C’mon, gim’me a break!

As I typed this just now, Montel Williams was on TV, standing in the aisle of a supermarket, with a huge display of CEREAL BOXES behind him. Many years ago, it was reported that the cost of PACKAGING ALONE EXCEEDED THE COST OF THE CONTENTS OF CEREAL! DUH! And the public is dumb enough to continuously FALL for it.

Let us see if we can follow the cycle: manufacturer merely changes the WORDS on the box, NOT the contents - children, who really have little or no purchasing power, watch the beautiful, living color TV commercials, and then NAG Mom and Dad until THEY BUY IT - their real power is hidden in the nagging and BEGGING, and the highly educated, more mature ADULTS SUCCUMB to the pressure - the kids then PIG OUT, morning, noon, and night on SUGAR, or worse, on POISONS like aspartame substitute - they eventually become Hypertensive, OBESE, or even DIABETIC! DUH!

So now, everyone is scratching their heads, wondering WHY we are having EPIDEMICS -
DOUBLE DUH!

NEW - IMPROVED - SUCH AND SUCH ADDED - SO AND SO REMOVED - LESS SUGAR (unproven, or untested substitutes added) - LESS SALT (or now, supposedly more healthy Sea salt) - MORE CALCIUM (perhaps a silly little millimeter, or milligram) - MORE IRON - MORE VITAMINS - MORE MINERALS - MORE FLAVOR - LESS TAR - LESS NICOTINE - LESS TRUTH! - MORE BULLSHIT!

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING - WOW! IS THAT AN OXYMORON, OR WHAT? This industry should be renamed, perhaps - GULLIBLES TRAVELS?

ENRICHED FLOUR - when I was a kid, my Grandmother baked stuff using a grayish or beige colored flour, but her cakes and pies (made with a lot of loving, hard work, that took time) were always excellent! You want it to look more YELLOW? Add egg yolks! But Pillsbury, or General Mills (what war did HE fight in) or somebody else RICH and FAMOUS, decided that the flour had to be BLEACHED WHITE to make it more appealing to the EYE! It was now ENRICHED! Who cares if the process KILLS OFF natural ingredients, or healthy attributes? We can always ADD them back, and CHARGE MORE!

I fondly remember when DECAFFINATED COFFEE was invented. At the time I dumbly questioned: “if they removed caffeine, why does it cost MORE, for LESS?” Because the extra PROCESS costs more time and money! Same thing for NON-alcoholic beverages - BUT - wait a minute, why not eliminate putting alcohol in it in the first place? DUH?

How about the old news report many years ago - BACON CAUSES CANCER? Well sure, if you sit down and eat about forty-two pounds in one sitting, like the over-dosed laboratory rats! Another DOUBLE DUH!

DRUNK DRIVING CAUSES ACCIDENTS AND KILLS PEOPLE - But, that’s okay, don’t BAN ALCOHOL - the TAXES collected on sales is too PROFITABLE to our guv’mint! And, let’s face it, smokin’ WEED is illegal, and the public needs SOMETHING to ESCAPE from reality, don’t they? The NEW AND IMPROVED HIGH-DEFINITION BOOB TUBES only distract part of the population, part of the time, whereas ALCOHOLISM is now a HUGE INDUSTRY, is it not? What in God’s Holy Name would this country do, if people were totally - SOBER - SANE - THINKING - and WISED UP? DUH!

NEW AND IMPROVED - PRISON SYSTEMS - free food, clothing, shelter, education, and medical treatment is not sufficient! We GIVE them, via our tax dollars: Libraries, Exercise equipment, Sports equipment, a huge DRUG MARKET INSIDE - that’s a TRIPLE DUH!
The Ability to further their TRADE, via learning from WORSE CRIMINALS, then let them out to re-scourge the public, Kill, steal, or maim again - go back inside, and repeat the cycle, ad infinitum. DUH!

What if each FELON (serious offender) had a NEW AND IMPROVED GPS TRACKER CHIP SURGICALLY IMPLANTED? Then, whenever released they could be located quickly. Sounds a little bit like BIG BROTHER of CATCH 22, doesn’t it? Oh, to be sure, just like in futuristic Sci-Fi movies, there would be crooked doctors who would make a fortune, REMOVING those chips. Right? So it’s not a totally infallible idea, but would it be better?

Or, how about this one? How about we re-instate the old idea of CHAIN GANGS? It is my understanding that a few of our Southern states still maintain this practice. Are the statistics any better?

Instead of so much IDLE time, why not have them perform Public Service jobs every day? Digging ditches, building roads, picking up trash, doing clean-up work in areas that have been devastated by hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, forest fires, whatever. NO - I don’t mean for murderers, rapists, or child molesters to be allowed on the outside! It would not be difficult to prepare a sensible list of the type of offenders to be put in this NEW AND IMPROVED program.

Perhaps the use of muscles in HONEST HARD WORK would be more beneficial to all, rather than blowing money on exercise machines and equipment? Perhaps returning to jail after a day of physical exhaustion with a PURPOSE would have a more satisfying effect, and instill some measure of pride of accomplishment? Maybe less energy would be available for fighting themselves? Maybe even an incentive program could be incorporated which would allow shortening of sentences to those who excelled, and displayed an honest improvement in attitude?

Now there’s another, third idea that has been proposed previously, by others, much more serious than I - give the really bad ones a - Gun, Knife, Canteen, and some K-rations - and DROP them in IRAQ or AFGHANISTAN! I’m guessing that proponents of this method are really strong fans of the SURVIVOR Series. Oh, to be sure, there would be some negative repercussions - like the LOCALS over there would quickly learn the true meaning of “UGLY AMERICAN!” And the really good combatants who might survive, and maybe get pardoned; but FOREVER BANNED FROM RETURNING HOME, could be some other country’s NEW AND IMPROVED PROBLEM!

Well, Dear Readers, although I have several other suggestions bouncing around in my numb skull, suffice it to say that I shan’t post them here and now. As I have been tediously working on building a NEW AND IMPROVED - ME, for some time now, I still have to develop a plan for a NEW AND IMPROVED package design, a NEW AND IMPROVED personal logo, and maybe even a NEW AND IMPROVED catchy slogan, or rhyme, or limerick - time will tell!

Until then, I remain, Yours Truly - TomKat - That is Where it’s At!


J-PAL …