A life alone may be an opportunity for growth, further maturation and self-discovery.

Published in the Macon Telegraph in 1985.

For many of us, living alone after the loss of a spouse feels like a sentence worse than death. What is hard to see is that once we have weathered the grief, a life alone may be an opportunity for growth, further maturation and self-discovery.

Many of us marry for the wrong reasons, to escape parents, to feel whole, to take care of someone, to be taken care of or from societal pressure.

Few of us know ourselves, what we want or where we are going when we marry. It is possible to discover what is important to us, to grow and mature within a relationship, but it is much harder.

Usually, it is better to know where we are going before we seek our life's traveling companion.

Many of us marry, as we fear being alone. However, most divorced people say they felt lonelier within their unhappy marriage than living alone. Also, for many loneliness or boredom is a symptom of depression and we would feel lonely whether we were with someone or not.

Some people, without realizing it, marry and become overly dependent on their spouse. If this happens we are even more devastated when we lose our spouse. However, we also have the most potential for growth. For the first time we might have our own work, pay our own bills, budget money and make new friends. It will involve making our own decisions, which means more control over our lives and improved self-esteem.

The biggest discovery about living alone is the tremendous and very powerful value of solitude.

Most of us focus our attention on others and never really take the time to get to know ourselves. When we turn our energy inward we start a wonderful inner journey that can tap into great reservoirs of self-knowledge, creativity, power, wisdom.

Also, solitude can be a form of therapy. When alone, forgotten hurts and anger may surface and force us to face the pain we so skillfully avoid when we are too busy to think about our feelings.

Once the grief and pain has gone, we feel peace and clarity. This happens as we are much like water; the silt will clear when left alone. Many of us mistake the silt that clouds our thoughts and feelings as our natural state.

For the overly competitive, solitude can be an invaluable remedy. That's because there is no one to compare ourselves with; we just are what we are a very liberating and wonderful feeling. Also, when we learn to enjoy our own company we can spend time with friends not because we need to but because we want to. Most important of all, solitude helps us realize fully that the most important relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves.