Almost every griever I have spoken with has heard this myth. Another version of the same myth is...”time heals all wounds.” There is also the phrase...”this too shall pass.”
I believe the mind is searching for an answer to the pain of grief. Grief is difficult not only for the griever but for those who are watching the griever as friends and family. If things will get better with time, then somehow there is hope.
The mind means well, but what is hurting is the heart. In my experience time is not the focus of the grieving heart. That hurting heart needs to be acknowledged, with no expectation or time limits. Each person experiences grief in their own way and in their own time. Focusing on time expectations is not helpful. Time is not the focus of the grieving heart. Grief is not about time. Grief is about a hurting heart.
What experiences have you had with this myth? How did you feel when someone seemed to be implying that if you just waited long enough, that grief pain would go away?
The grief process is so complex, and each person moves through it in their own way and their own time. In a sense, it is a timeless process. Grief usually puts the griever more in touch with that which is beyond time. I know I felt somewhat suspended in a space between time and the timeless quite often during my grief process. Sometimes it felt like an attempt to escape. But sometimes it felt quite different--like I really was living in 2 worlds.
I learned a great deal during that 2 world experience. It seemed to be a very significant part of my grief process. It was about experiencing the infinite while trying to somehow keep one foot on the ground.
My feeling is that this experience of other realities opened up for me more of what it means to view time as somewhat irrelevant.
While I definitely did at times get caught up in the so-called schedule for grief, it was not at all helpful. Allowing for my own process to unfold on my own schedule is what helped.
