If you're an adult child of divorce in a marriage that's been struggling, you can learn good marriage-building skills to keep your relationship from going the divorce route. Here are three tips to help:
1. View your parents as examples of what not to do.
If your parents were not good role models of how to keep a marriage healthy and strong, you can learn from their example. If they fought, become determined not to. If they didn’t communicate, learn how to solve problems. If their sex life was bad, work to make yours good. If one of them was angry, or depressed, addicted or emotionally suffering, make sure you’re not, and get help if you are. You can always learn how to do it in a new way.
2. Find other role models for marriage.
Look at other family members, friends, neighbors and even characters in TV, movies and books to get an idea of how it might be done different. Did that couple in the cop drama resolve an issue in a healthy way? Mentally replay it and learn from it. Is your sister’s marriage happy? Don’t be envious – follow her example. Many self-help books can teach you better skills. Don’t hesitate to try new things.
3. Get some counseling.
Ask both your parents what went wrong. If they blame each other, assume they both made mistakes. Do what you can to improve on their record. Get individual counseling to overcome early programming, couples counseling to correct problems before they become tragic.
Maybe you can visit my article, "How to Grow Old Together."
I like how you've grouped your suggestions into three topics, knowing it could easily have been three hundred.
Richard
You have given some good advice here and I hope that anyone who is
going through or experiencing any of this, take heed and try to do
as you have instructed them. This is very valuable information and
is most certainly good sound wisdom for anyone involved in such a
situation to be able to follow. Thanks again for such great advice!