Reflection on Luke 10:38-42

“How to Love your Messy Home”
Reflection on Luke 10:38-42


In my role as a counsellor, something that I often hear women say is “I just can’t relax when my home is messy.” This frequently follows with: “…Unfortunately… I can never get on top of my cleaning.”
Other related comments may be: “I never have time to relax,” or, “I just don’t have any time to myself.”
Their accompanying emotions may include: feeling run down, short tempered, frustrated, stressed, even depressed.

Whenever I hear such comments, an image of Martha and Mary springs to my mind, from Luke’s gospel 10:38-42 (New International Version (NIV)).

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a]Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”


I can envision Martha looking tired and stressed, finding it difficult to relax due to her to-do-list hanging over her; and feeling annoyed about the perceived lack of support that she is receiving. I can also envision Mary’s care-free adoration of Jesus, despite the many chores that still await her in the kitchen.

Mary made a choice to make time to connect with what was most nourishing to her spirit-being in the presence of Jesus, over attending to the tasks of the material world (which to most families, seem to be without end…).

Martha found it harder to step outside of the social expectations of the hostess role, and may have missed out on receiving spiritual nourishment, from being in the presence of Jesus and listening to his wisdom.

I find the story of Martha and Mary replaying itself over and again in the lives of many women today. A common presentation of a client who comes to me for counselling is a woman who l finds it hard to relax and feels pulled in many directions.

Very often, her family’s, society’s and culture’s expectations around the role of “wife,” “mother,” “daughter,” or “daughter in law,” can distract her from attending to what she is experiencing on the inside; and sever her connection with what gives her nourishment and inspiration, for example quiet reflection or prayer time.

While I admire and appreciate the hard work that’s involved in creating a comfortable and clean living space for one’s family, I find that many women associate their sense of worth and esteem with how clean their home is. Or, experience a sense of social judgement around the tidiness of their house reflecting their worth as a woman, wife, or mother.

Within my own family, the account of Jesus’ visit with Martha and Mary challenges me every day.

While I am writing this, I have a pile of washing stacked on the sofa, right behind me. There are also building blocks on the floor and a few scattered toys around. Also, the kitchen floor has not been wiped for two days. I can continue…

But, that’s okay. When my 3 year old son wakes from his nap, I doubt that he will notice the pile of washing on the sofa or his blocks still scattered on the floor. He will most likely see his mummy smiling back at him, feeling re-energised from attending to something other than picking up after him.

When my husband comes home, our son will see his mummy and daddy: fold the washing together, help one another; take responsibility, as a family, for the cleanliness of our home.

He is a witness to a relationship which strives to model mutual support for, and consideration of one another, by allowing all family members their share of leisure time, in which every person has an opportunity to connect with what is most nourishing to them and attend to their self-development.

Keeping our family’s focus on our spiritual development as individuals and encouraging each others’ growth is one of our most important goals, this gift of life is too precious for anything else.

Mary knew it well.


By Bozena Zawisz