Do we give to take because we want to or are we expecting the rule of "reciprocity" to prevail? Are we angry and miserable if the recipient does not reciprocate?

Do We Give to Take?
A good friend of mine suffers incessantly because she considers herself a “good, selfless person” who, for a lifetime has given, given, given not only of her time, self and resources yet “nobody ever gives back”! She’s angry, miserable and does not understand the simple, realistic “rules” of human nature: While we generally engage in the practice of reciprocity, expecting your efforts (gifts, time, resources, support, affection, etc.) is a huge mistake.
Ideally, giving “should” be a selfless act – one of choice (unless someone is holding a gun to your head!) and rejoice in the fact that you are choosing to make someone happy – without expecting the recipient to reciprocate in kind. It’s really a good feeling to make someone happy; it makes us happy to do so. We’ve all heard the adage “It’s better to give than to receive,” and there’s a lot of truth to that. The holidays are a good example; think about that.
This business of giving and expecting is something worth thinking about.
I happen to be a “giver” who truly enjoys giving and sharing because it gives me great joy; I just like to do it. I’m blessed in that regard; truly blessed and lucky. I give flowers, gifts, cards, clothes, books – whatever strikes my fancy – and in the humblest way I simply give – without expecting reciprocity. I learned from the best: Mom. And, my best California girlfriend, Cheri: The Queen of Giving!
Cheri is the most generous person I have ever met. A Santa Monica resident, she takes great joy in giving gifts to just about anyone she knows, especially her friends and neighbors. But she doesn’t stop there: She takes gifts and pastries from her favorite shop to doctors, mechanic, firemen, police officers – and just about anyone who is within her orbit. When I once asked her why she was so generous, she simply said: “It gives me great joy!” When I asked her if she had any expectations of reciprocity, she said: “Never! It’s always nice to hear a “Thank you,” but I do not expect anyone to reciprocate. I adore her, emulate her and have even “kicked up a notch” my own giving practice. I love to give!
It’s most interesting to note (according to psychiatrists) that, in order to give, a person has to feel full inside. As well, in order to be open to receive, a person has to feel worthy. Not too many people feel comfortable even receiving a compliment – much less a gift. It’s all in what a person has inside. Upbringing has much to do with it: Growing up with a feeling of abundance (even if poor, like Dolly Parton and others) as opposed to a sense of lack that can follow you the rest of your life.
If one can’t either give or receive, there’s a problem! The good news is that there is a solution staring us in the face: Talk it over with a therapist or begin to read about it. It’s amazing what you will discover about yourself!
I wish you, with all my heart, that you will learn the incredible joy that giving – for the sake of giving – will bring into your life. It is such a great feeling that leaves you warm all over, tingling with joy and every cell in your body smiling!
I challenge you to start by giving a compliment – a sincere compliment, dropping a note to your neighbor simply to say: “I’m so glad you are my neighbor!” Or, next time you visit your doctor, drop an email or the best: an old-fashioned note (I do that all the time) of thanks. You will blow them away, I promise you! I’ve even had doctors call me to thank me for my “Thank You” note; that’s how shocked they were!
Get going and good luck! Let me know how it works for you.