Some people are givers and others are takers. Learn why we are attracted to certain types.

A few years ago I read a great book, called the Givers and the Takers. It discussed the two different mind-sets of people who are in relationships together. Let me explain.

Givers in relationships are always looking for ways to help, support, give and be a benefit to their partners. They give because it is in their nature to be generous, kind, giving or supportive. Takers on the other hand always take - stuff, help, support, kind acts, recognition. They take because it is their nature to do so. Now lets put a taker in a relationship with a giver.

You see givers need a taker to give to so tend to attract them. And, takers need a giver in their relationship so tend to attract them as well. This is where the problems begin for both in this type of a relationship. (Please keep in mind that these relationships can work, they just tale a lot of work)

The givers give and give and give and the takers take and take and take. So what’s the problem? Well, after a while the givers begin to resent the takers for never giving anything back and the takers also begin to resent the givers for always gibing. Both parties will deal with their personal agendas in different ways but the outcomes are the same. Anger, resentment, feeling taken advantage of, and often guilt, yes the giver will feel guilt but for different reasons than the taker. Are you in a relationship with your opposite? Are you the giver or the taker? What can you do to ensure your relationship doesn’t escalate in a negative fashion? Here a few pointers.

A. If you are a giver: 1) give to yourself sometimes more than your partner. 2) when you do give, do it without an expectation for any type of return even a thank you. 3) Manage you expectations more honestly. 4) Learn to accept you partner for who they are. 5) Rise above the emotional game playing of who is giving or getting more. 6) Learn to handle taking better. 7) Recognize that your taking partner needs you to give to them.

B. If you are a taker: 1) recognize that sooner or later you will begin to resent your giving partner. 2) Learn to be verbally appreciative of the giving your partner does. 3) Try to give once in a while, and don’t expect a big brass band when you do. 4) Recognize that you giving partner wants and/or needs to be able
to give. 5) Try little acts of thoughtfulness or kindness more often. 6) Don’t expect anything from your partner, and when they give it see it as a real gift of themselves they are sharing.

Givers and takers are not right or wrong, it is just the way they are. They can change if they choose to.