Paddle whipping is a fine art. We use scrap leather to make a removable paddle sleeve to protect the shaft of the paddle from scraping against the gunwales. This is when cordage and the hand become One. Whipping twine and saddle string are in some kind of rivalry to ensure the bottom of the leather wrap is even with the shaft. We snip a 4-inch length from the tip to the edge, and then soak it in water to wet it. Then we tack the thin edge onto the shaft just above the throat. Basically, we stretch as much of it as will go, and press the tack in with our thumb to mark the spot. We put a clamp on the working end to prevent it from unraveling leaving our hands free to do other things. We treat it with beeswax, a waterproofing agent that we give our commission to because she damn well earns it. The beeswax works ideal, and smells the tastiest of all. We heat it up with a hair dryer, and then apply it on with a brush, one that has an ivory handle to remind us of a past many waters ago. The pores open with heat. The saturation seethes throughout the process. We take a short trip on her lake to test out the wrap. We can see the water beading, the whole project supposed to be dampening the sound of the paddle strokes. The screams have silenced the fish!

Sage Sweetwater, Celebrity firebrand lesbian novelist