This is a painfully true story...
In March a longtime friend of mine got kicked out (again) by his wife. He called me (collect...argh!) and asked for a place to stay. I told him if he could make it out here (Boston to Syracuse), he could stay with me and my wife and daughter. He came, and we set him up in the basement with a bed, small tv, stereo, keyboard, laptop, etc. He joined us for meals and recreation and we assumed he was trying to get his life back together and look for a job. After three months of sulking in our basement, we asked him to get a job to help himself (he had stated he wanted to get a job, save money, fix his car, find a place, etc.). He said he would try, and went out on a regular basis to look. After a couple of failed attempts (he said he got fired at one job right before pay day because he broke some inventory and they withheld his pay as a result), he told us he found a job as an assistant deli manager at a Price Chopper grocery store the next city over from us. He got up every day at 7am, left the house at 8am, and came home around 6:30pm. He did this every day for about a month. When we asked him about his pay (and helping to pay for himself around the house), he said his first week's pay would start at the end of his third week, but he had set-up a direct deposit bank account, and as soon as they sent him his bank card and checks, he would start paying for himself. More time passed. In the meanwhile, his Dad and his new wife (mom passed away) arranged for a visit with us in the beginning of September. They day before his dad (who had plainly stated he wanted to kick my friend's ass around a bit for being so lazy) visited, my friend disappeared. He went out one morning like usual and did not come back. We called where he said he worked, and they told us they had never heard of him. No one by that name worked there. Other little inconsistencies started to make sense once we figured out he had been lying about things. He had a real problem, his wife had thrown him out for legitimate reasons, and now we were becoming concerned for his safety. We called the local hospitals, Sheriff's Office to see if he got arrested, and finally filed a Missing Persons report. A few days passed, and meanwhile I found a few leads in the basement: 1.) He had a notebook with some sad, lovelorn, depressed poems. 2.) he had collected some religious pamphlets, 3.) he had written down the names of some shelters. A female detective found him in a local shelter. He did not want to talk much, and his problem with habitual lying was greater than I had ever imagined. I saw him once more after that, when he came to pick up his stuff about a week ago. He said he was getting help, had found an apartment, had met a girl...but I just had a sinking feeling that most of it was a lie.
I wrote the following poem in frustration shortly after I discovered the extent of his lying:
The Hopeless Stink
You have left a hopeless stink in my basement
of your lazy dreams and broken words—
a pillow soaked with grease from your hair,
a sad attempt to buy some time.
You have left a hopeless stink in my basement
of your self-defeating circles—
a stack of bus schedules and some scribbling,
a depression deeper than your honesty.
You have left a hopeless stink in my basement
of your time-wasting daily habits—
a half year's worth of opportunities squandered,
a chance each day yet you missed the call.
You have left a hopeless stink in my basement
of the lies you told even to yourself—
a list of things you'll never do,
a million lives you've never lived.
You have left a hopeless stink in my basement
of your half efforts and flagging energy—
a peek at the next stage for you,
a future met while looking away.
* * *
Here are the original IM transcripts from March, when he wrote to me asking for help:
Silverdew7 [4:15 PM]: a ten dollar phone call?
SirGanelon [4:16 PM]: Hey dude sorry about the collect call but I need to talk to you
Silverdew7 [4:16 PM]: how about 1-800-collect or something...lol
SirGanelon [4:16 PM]: Sandy is upset about me not working I have been looking and she doesn't seem to think so My unemployment stopped coming and she wahts me to leave tonight
SirGanelon [4:17 PM]: I have no where to go any advice
Silverdew7 [4:17 PM]: let me think
Silverdew7 [4:17 PM]: you've asked your Dad?
SirGanelon [4:19 PM]: She thinks I sit on my ass all day and do nothing but I am online looking for a job everyday and I fo out at least twice a week Yes he doesn't even have enough space for himself really
Silverdew7 [4:19 PM]: okay, I don't suppose Sandy's family would be receptive to hosting you for a night?
SirGanelon [4:20 PM]: I don't think its going to be for just one night I think it will be a lot longer than that but I don't think they would
Silverdew7 [4:21 PM]: well, if you can get here, you're welcome to stay. What did you want me to do?
SirGanelon [4:21 PM]: nothing but give me some advice
Silverdew7 [4:22 PM]: I would be hard-pressed to find someone who was still friends with me enough in MA to take in a friend of mine, and My parents are like 80 and they would just say no, I think, but I'd like to do more than just offer advice..you know
Silverdew7 [4:23 PM]: but maybe I have an idea
SirGanelon [4:24 PM]: I know and the offer is greatly appreciated I might take you up on that but I won't be there till like saturday I think I will be getting some money tomorrow or saturday Hopefully tomorrow so That will help me get there
SirGanelon [4:24 PM]: whats that idea
Silverdew7 [4:24 PM]: well, just because you may agree to it does not mean that Sandy has any legal right to throw you out of an apartment you both share, correct?
SirGanelon [4:25 PM]: Yes she does because when we were separated I was taken off the lease and we never changed it back so Technically I am not on the lease
Silverdew7 [4:26 PM]: wow...you didn't say you wanted it changed back, and she never offered?
SirGanelon [4:26 PM]: I thought we took of it a long time ago but apparantly we never did
Silverdew7 [4:27 PM]: she's been holding it as a trump card to kick you out whenever she wants
SirGanelon [4:27 PM]: basically I guess you can say that
Silverdew7 [4:27 PM]: I'm still not sure about how legal it is for a spouse to do that to another spouse
Silverdew7 [4:28 PM]: Lauri might know
Silverdew7 [4:28 PM]: I ran it by her and she is thinking...said it will take a few minutes
Silverdew7 [4:29 PM]: man, did you just dial the operator? it's crazy that they wanted like ten bucks
SirGanelon [4:29 PM]: If I moved out She can take me off the lease so that only her checks get charged for the rent and then When I moved back they never adjusted it so basically she can do it in public housing anyways
Silverdew7 [4:29 PM]: I'd like to think there is some marriage clause
Silverdew7 [4:30 PM]: but Lauri would know better
SirGanelon [4:30 PM]: no I called your number and it came on and said collect call to
SirGanelon [4:30 PM]: when I heard the price I was like Whoa
SirGanelon [4:30 PM]: sorry about that
Silverdew7 [4:31 PM]: as soon as you heard that you could have hung up and done10-10-220 or 1-800-collect or something...I'm going to have to call the phone company after this
Silverdew7 [4:31 PM]: that operator was rude
SirGanelon [4:31 PM]: yes she was wasn't she
Silverdew7 [4:32 PM]: what do you want to be there's going to be a ten second call on my next bill that costs about a dollar a second
Silverdew7 [4:32 PM]: phone company should be jailed for that
SirGanelon [4:32 PM]: BC is beating Syracuse by 3 with 6 seconds left
Silverdew7 [4:33 PM]: Lauri says she does not know and can't think of anything at the moment
SirGanelon [4:33 PM]: yes they should be but don't worry I'll take care of it whatever it cost
Silverdew7 [4:34 PM]: You know I won't let you do that. And from now on you know that I'll accept your collect calls if you just save me some money, damn it. however, if you call an attorney with free consultation they might have an idea or two
Silverdew7 [4:34 PM]: There is a guy who may not be there anymore regarding housing
Silverdew7 [4:35 PM]: His name is Fr. Louis J. Canino, I believe
SirGanelon [4:35 PM]: public housing the rules are different though
Silverdew7 [4:35 PM]: I spent a day with him like fifteen years ago
Silverdew7 [4:35 PM]: He ran St. Francis House in Boston
SirGanelon [4:35 PM]: friend of your dads
Silverdew7 [4:35 PM]: No. I interviewed him for the newspaper. they offer emergency housing and food and stuff
SirGanelon [4:36 PM]: thats cool to know
Silverdew7 [4:36 PM]: He wrote me a letter after the article appeared thanking me and saying that if there was any time he could return the favor
SirGanelon [4:37 PM]: How much do houses out there cost
SirGanelon [4:37 PM]: I'll see If I can reach him in a few
Silverdew7 [4:37 PM]: if you're willing to research and look, you could find a decent place for 10k
SirGanelon [4:38 PM]: If I do come out there I will have around $1100
Silverdew7 [4:38 PM]: we can always work out the details as they arise....
SirGanelon [4:38 PM]: That would be cool
Silverdew7 [4:38 PM]: yes, it would be nice, but hopefully you will be back with your family
SirGanelon [4:39 PM]: I'm thinking that might a good Idea If I come out there and I hope but it doesn't seem likely
Silverdew7 [4:40 PM]: well, if things don't get better, I suppose I could come and get you or something
Silverdew7 [4:40 PM]: how's your car running?
SirGanelon [4:40 PM]: the car is running ok but the brakkes are choppy and stil has an exhaust problem so I wouldn't it on a journey that far
Silverdew7 [4:41 PM]: do you have AAA?
SirGanelon [4:41 PM]: no
Silverdew7 [4:41 PM]: ah, yes, well a breakdown would be expensive then
SirGanelon [4:42 PM]: yes it would r
Silverdew7 [4:42 PM]: plus with bad breaks, I can see why you wouldn't want to do it
Silverdew7 [4:44 PM]: you should have let me buy you that Amtrak ticket when I could get it for $25
SirGanelon [4:44 PM]: I would take the train out there if I do come out ther let me see what if anything I can work out tonight and if not I'll see if I get the money tomorrow and come out tomorrow or saturday If I can't work anything out with her
Silverdew7 [4:44 PM]: well, you should tell her something
SirGanelon [4:44 PM]: lol it will only cost about $55 If I remember correctly
SirGanelon [4:44 PM]: whats that
Silverdew7 [4:45 PM]: for example, a spouse is an equal, and should not treat another spouse that way, with no warning
Silverdew7 [4:45 PM]: bargain for time...say a week
Silverdew7 [4:45 PM]: to get ready better
Silverdew7 [4:45 PM]: maybe in that week you'll find a job
SirGanelon [4:46 PM]: Ive tried that and she says youve been treating me this way for a year now so why shouldn't I
SirGanelon [4:46 PM]: Ive tried that to
Silverdew7 [4:46 PM]: how have you been treating her (according to her)
SirGanelon [4:46 PM]: like a lazy no good sleaze because I'm not working
Silverdew7 [4:47 PM]: do you think it would do any good if I tried to talk with her?
SirGanelon [4:47 PM]: she says I'm not supporting her and she can't take it anymore
SirGanelon [4:48 PM]: Ive had three other people offer the same thing The pastor from church is going to try to talk to her tonight
Silverdew7 [4:48 PM]: well if a pastor can't get her to be a little more reasonable, maybe I can't either, but I'm willing to try
SirGanelon [4:49 PM]: lol Pastor can be pretty persuasive but I don't think it is going to work but Thank you If he can't reason with I will let you know
Silverdew7 [4:50 PM]: I could offer to pay her to let you stay...as long as her rates are cheaper than the Econo Lodge...lol
SirGanelon [4:50 PM]: lol
Silverdew7 [4:51 PM]: will she do a pricematch?
Silverdew7 [4:51 PM]: what discounts is she offering?
SirGanelon [4:51 PM]: lol I doubt it
Silverdew7 [4:52 PM]: it really burns me that she snaps on you like this
Silverdew7 [4:52 PM]: (which says nothing about how it must burn you)
SirGanelon [4:52 PM]: you have no idea
Silverdew7 [4:53 PM]: so what is she missing about your efforts?
SirGanelon [4:53 PM]: I do not know
Silverdew7 [4:53 PM]: wait...I have another contact for you
Silverdew7 [4:54 PM]: he's an attorney who's done some ACLU stuff
Silverdew7 [4:54 PM]: he might have a suggestion
SirGanelon [4:54 PM]: I keep the house pretty clean I have dinner waiting for when she comes home half the time the other half we don't decide until after she gets home
SirGanelon [4:54 PM]: ok
Silverdew7 [4:54 PM]: Henry Liebensbaum 1-508-749-3606
Silverdew7 [4:55 PM]: fax 508-474-4475
SirGanelon [4:55 PM]: ok let me give him a call I'll be back on in a few minutes
Silverdew7 [4:55 PM]: 46 Lovejoy Rd. Andover MA 01810
Silverdew7 [4:55 PM]: I have his card
SirGanelon [4:56 PM]: oh ok
Silverdew7 [4:56 PM]: it's maybe seven or eight years old, but hey
Silverdew7 [4:56 PM]: and there's another guy
Silverdew7 [4:56 PM]: if you want to write these down
SirGanelon [4:56 PM]: I am writing
Silverdew7 [4:57 PM]: this guys does mostly investigative work (former cop I think) but he also may have an idea
SirGanelon [4:57 PM]: Hey I can have spy on Sandy for me lol
Silverdew7 [4:57 PM]: Alfred Duemling, 22 Summit Ave, Salem, MA 01970 508-740-0304 and fax is same
Silverdew7 [4:58 PM]: last name pronounced "Dwemling"
SirGanelon [4:58 PM]: ok let me give these gentleman a call and I will be back online in a minute
Silverdew7 [4:59 PM]: okay...I will try to resolve my bill and I will assume if you talk with them it will take more than a minute, so meet you back in fifteen
SirGanelon [4:59 PM]: ok sounds good
Silverdew7 [4:59 PM]: okay....back in fifteen
Silverdew7 [5:15 PM]: back soon
Silverdew7 [5:16 PM]: let me guess...you have two phone lines...
SirGanelon [5:16 PM]: no but I couldn't through to either one of them
Silverdew7 [5:17 PM]: answering machine? number not in service? what?
SirGanelon [5:17 PM]: just kept ringing at one and wrong number on other
Silverdew7 [5:18 PM]: you should definitely ba able to look up Liebensbaum....I found him by calling ACLU, but any attorney directory will have him
Silverdew7 [5:18 PM]: I have a calling card number you can try for ld
SirGanelon [5:18 PM]: hes the one that kept ringing
Silverdew7 [5:19 PM]: you could send a fax to his fax number
SirGanelon [5:19 PM]: I can do that from here hold on
Silverdew7 [5:19 PM]: this card should have at least 20 or 30 mins left on it
Silverdew7 [5:19 PM]: I haven't used it in months and months because we use OneSuite
SirGanelon [5:20 PM]: Ok give me the number I will call you if I am going to come to you
Silverdew7 [5:21 PM]: not sure if ti expired...can't see on card. so here goes: dial 1-800-993-4471 input PIN 5846-3304-1575 then dial regular 1 + area code + number
SirGanelon [5:22 PM]: ok thanks I will try it later
Silverdew7 [5:22 PM]: btw: talked to my phone company...not sure if they can remove charge...outlandish...they asked what phone company made the charge, I did not know
SirGanelon [5:23 PM]: I need to go for now so I can see if I can find a place for tonight
Silverdew7 [5:23 PM]: damn dude, it's the 21st cent...don't let operator make your ld calls
Silverdew7 [5:23 PM]: oh, okay
Silverdew7 [5:23 PM]: how much does Econo Lodge want?
SirGanelon [5:23 PM]: probably 60 a night I think
Silverdew7 [5:24 PM]: man...I remember when they were 30...lol
SirGanelon [5:24 PM]: I do to lol
Silverdew7 [5:24 PM]: how about I try to find you a place too
SirGanelon [5:24 PM]: that would be cool say about an hour we be back online and figure out whats going on
Silverdew7 [5:25 PM]: I'll be there dude
SirGanelon [5:25 PM]: ok talk to you soon
Silverdew7 [5:25 PM]: okay
IM#2:
SirGanelon [5:42 PM]: I'm back
Silverdew7 [5:43 PM]: hey...I got the phone number for St. Francis House
SirGanelon [5:43 PM]: ok it was different ?
Silverdew7 [5:43 PM]: different than what? I never gave it to you... 39 Boylston Street
Boston, MASS 02112
Phone: (617) 542-4211
Fax: (617) 542-4705
info.stfrancishouse.org
Silverdew7 [5:45 PM]: they may only have a day program, and I can't find Louis Canino listed...can't find any names yet at all
SirGanelon [5:48 PM]: sorry dude I got booted
Silverdew7 [5:49 PM]: you've got mail
SirGanelon [5:50 PM]: ok that helps
SirGanelon [5:50 PM]: ty
Silverdew7 [5:50 PM]: also may want to look into the Pine Street Inn: Pine Street Inn
444 Harrison Avenue
Boston, MA 02118
(617) 482-4944
SirGanelon [5:51 PM]: I might have a place to stay tonight and hopefully I can get the money tomorrow and come out there
Silverdew7 [5:51 PM]: okay...sorry it couldn't be under better circumstances
SirGanelon [5:51 PM]: I know but I will be ok
Silverdew7 [5:52 PM]: i have an idea for a basic place
Silverdew7 [5:52 PM]: remember the ranger station
Silverdew7 [5:52 PM]: Fells Reservation...that stone tower
SirGanelon [5:52 PM]: yes I remember that
Silverdew7 [5:52 PM]: I used to spend nights there
SirGanelon [5:52 PM]: hey thats not a bad idea
Silverdew7 [5:52 PM]: yes...it could work
Silverdew7 [5:53 PM]: bring something warm and some matches
SirGanelon [5:53 PM]: it could if it doesn't get too cold
SirGanelon [5:54 PM]: I can stay at the pastors house for tonight I think
Silverdew7 [5:54 PM]: what a nice pastor
SirGanelon [5:54 PM]: too bad his daughter moved out
SirGanelon [5:54 PM]: lol
Silverdew7 [5:54 PM]: is that a joke...lol
SirGanelon [5:54 PM]: yes and no
Silverdew7 [5:54 PM]: lol
Silverdew7 [5:55 PM]: I know some spots you could sleep in your car
SirGanelon [5:55 PM]: I can do that right out front but I have no radio in the car which sucks
Silverdew7 [5:56 PM]: well, legally they might be able to stop you
Silverdew7 [5:56 PM]: if they see you
SirGanelon [5:56 PM]: true
SirGanelon [5:56 PM]: what can they do arrest me for the night lol
Silverdew7 [5:56 PM]: lol
Silverdew7 [5:58 PM]: I looked into Econo Lodge and Days Inn btw
SirGanelon [5:58 PM]: yeah this econo lodge has no double beds only king and two beds which are 75 a night
Silverdew7 [5:59 PM]: lol...I can save you three bucks off that price...man, what a rip
Silverdew7 [5:59 PM]: you know it's rough when the cumshacks are charging 75 a night
Silverdew7 [5:59 PM]: maybe one of the independent places along Route 1 in Saugus
SirGanelon [6:00 PM]: I don't have cash now and they don't take checks
Silverdew7 [6:01 PM]: options are dwindling I guess
SirGanelon [6:01 PM]: yeah basically
Silverdew7 [6:01 PM]: is Sandy home?
SirGanelon [6:02 PM]: no she isn't she gets out of work now and she is going over to her sisters house to do some laundry because our machine busted the other day so she won't be home until around 9 or 10
Silverdew7 [6:02 PM]: there's one thing to add stress...machine busting....but what made her snap like this?
SirGanelon [6:03 PM]: my not working and the bills piling up
Silverdew7 [6:04 PM]: she could have said, "you have one month left" or something, right?
SirGanelon [6:04 PM]: she could have but she didn't
SirGanelon [6:04 PM]: that would have been good
Silverdew7 [6:05 PM]: where is Patrick during this?
SirGanelon [6:05 PM]: I dropped him off with her at work
SirGanelon [6:05 PM]: I was pissed
SirGanelon [6:05 PM]: Still am
Silverdew7 [6:06 PM]: I have a longshot contact for you
SirGanelon [6:06 PM]: whats that
Silverdew7 [6:06 PM]: this guy's a dentist who fancied himself a screenwriter
Silverdew7 [6:06 PM]: he gave me two of his scripts to review (his only two)
SirGanelon [6:06 PM]: ah ok
Silverdew7 [6:06 PM]: and I was kind
Silverdew7 [6:07 PM]: he also did root canal on me
SirGanelon [6:07 PM]: and i guess they were pretty horrid
Silverdew7 [6:07 PM]: they were not formatted properly, but not horrid
Silverdew7 [6:07 PM]: he had a partner he wrote with, and a very lovely sister
Silverdew7 [6:07 PM]: I have his card
Silverdew7 [6:07 PM]: he said he worked on Pavarotti or somebody
SirGanelon [6:07 PM]: lol
SirGanelon [6:08 PM]: thats ok i'll be ok tonight
Silverdew7 [6:08 PM]: I don't blame you for not wanting his info
Silverdew7 [6:08 PM]: I'm trying
Silverdew7 [6:09 PM]: there is our old landlord...
Silverdew7 [6:09 PM]: figure maybe a landlord has a room?
SirGanelon [6:10 PM]: possibly but I will be ok for tonight and then come out there
Silverdew7 [6:10 PM]: so the pator will come through for sure?
Silverdew7 [6:10 PM]: pastor...sorry
Silverdew7 [6:11 PM]: btw: Greyhound is $48 bucks one-way Boston to Syracuse
Silverdew7 [6:11 PM]: you'd spend that much in gas
SirGanelon [6:11 PM]: yeah i 'm pretty sure
SirGanelon [6:12 PM]: when does it leave from where and do they take checks
Silverdew7 [6:12 PM]: well, I went to Greyhound.com
Silverdew7 [6:12 PM]: Location:
2 S STA TRANS CTR
700 ATLANTIC AVE
Boston MA 02110
SirGanelon [6:12 PM]: oh ok I'll check it out
Silverdew7 [6:13 PM]: atlantic ave
Silverdew7 [6:13 PM]: here are the numbers for that station: Telephone Numbers:
Main: (617) 526-1801
Baggage: (617) 526-1813
Greyhound Package Express: (617) 526-1842
Customer Service: (617) 526-1808
Charter: (800) 454-2487
Silverdew7 [6:14 PM]: I'd imagine you could go to the station and buy a ticket in cash
SirGanelon [6:14 PM]: I'd imagine but I don't have cash until tomorrow
Silverdew7 [6:14 PM]: you won't be able to leave until tomorrow too
Silverdew7 [6:15 PM]: I don't think they will sell out
SirGanelon [6:15 PM]: oh ok i'll look into it now
Silverdew7 [6:15 PM]: the atlantic ave station is open 24 hours
SirGanelon [6:16 PM]: yesw i see that
Silverdew7 [6:16 PM]: ah, you learn fast grasshopper
SirGanelon [6:16 PM]: lol
Silverdew7 [6:17 PM]: they would probably be quicker than Amtrack too
SirGanelon [6:17 PM]: at least pastor has AOL maybe I will be able to at least email you and let you when I am on my way
SirGanelon [6:17 PM]: yes i see that to about 7 hrs avg
Silverdew7 [6:17 PM]: you can also fax me: 503-907-7319
SirGanelon [6:18 PM]: oh ok
Silverdew7 [6:19 PM]: I'm going to be there for you dude, and right now I'm just getting orientated to this situation
Silverdew7 [6:19 PM]: you know, this may even have a silver lining
SirGanelon [6:20 PM]: thank you I appreciate it Hey look at this way I will get a chance to get to know my GodDaughter
SirGanelon [6:20 PM]: whats that
Silverdew7 [6:20 PM]: an idea I've had: if I got a house out here for real cheap, you could help me fix it, and you could live in one half and rent the other, and we could split the rent
SirGanelon [6:21 PM]: that sounds cool you have been thinking of moving
Silverdew7 [6:21 PM]: not exactly moving...I'm talking about making an investment
SirGanelon [6:22 PM]: oh ok i mis read sorry
Silverdew7 [6:22 PM]: I would need someone I could trust
Silverdew7 [6:22 PM]: you would get a home and some income
SirGanelon [6:23 PM]: there id a bus that leaves at 12:15 and then at 5:15 both take about seven and a half hours
SirGanelon [6:23 PM]: I think that could work for both of us
Silverdew7 [6:23 PM]: Yes. I would eventually get my investment back, and then eventually profit
Silverdew7 [6:24 PM]: or, we could fix a place and try to resell
SirGanelon [6:24 PM]: could do that to more money to invest in that way
SirGanelon [6:24 PM]: by reseeling
Silverdew7 [6:24 PM]: yes, those are two good possibilities
SirGanelon [6:24 PM]: reselling
Silverdew7 [6:25 PM]: so don't think of coming out here as a retreat, it could be a new endeavor
Silverdew7 [6:26 PM]: and then, once you own your own home, and can better provide for Patrick, Sandy's position will not be very good
SirGanelon [6:26 PM]: That could work Ive actually been think ing about getting into realestate
SirGanelon [6:26 PM]: that is true
Silverdew7 [6:26 PM]: and then she might want to live in your place
Silverdew7 [6:26 PM]: and of course, you won't put her name on the deed
Silverdew7 [6:27 PM]: lol
IM#3:
PM]: you won't be able to leave until tomorrow too
Silverdew7 [6:15 PM]: I don't think they will sell out
SirGanelon [6:15 PM]: oh ok i'll look into it now
Silverdew7 [6:15 PM]: the atlantic ave station is open 24 hours
SirGanelon [6:16 PM]: yesw i see that
Silverdew7 [6:16 PM]: ah, you learn fast grasshopper
SirGanelon [6:16 PM]: lol
Silverdew7 [6:17 PM]: they would probably be quicker than Amtrack too
SirGanelon [6:17 PM]: at least pastor has AOL maybe I will be able to at least email you and let you when I am on my way
SirGanelon [6:17 PM]: yes i see that to about 7 hrs avg
Silverdew7 [6:17 PM]: you can also fax me: 503-907-7319
SirGanelon [6:18 PM]: oh ok
Silverdew7 [6:19 PM]: I'm going to be there for you dude, and right now I'm just getting orientated to this situation
Silverdew7 [6:19 PM]: you know, this may even have a silver lining
SirGanelon [6:20 PM]: thank you I appreciate it Hey look at this way I will get a chance to get to know my GodDaughter
SirGanelon [6:20 PM]: whats that
Silverdew7 [6:20 PM]: an idea I've had: if I got a house out here for real cheap, you could help me fix it, and you could live in one half and rent the other, and we could split the rent
SirGanelon [6:21 PM]: that sounds cool you have been thinking of moving
Silverdew7 [6:21 PM]: not exactly moving...I'm talking about making an investment
SirGanelon [6:22 PM]: oh ok i mis read sorry
Silverdew7 [6:22 PM]: I would need someone I could trust
Silverdew7 [6:22 PM]: you would get a home and some income
SirGanelon [6:23 PM]: there id a bus that leaves at 12:15 and then at 5:15 both take about seven and a half hours
SirGanelon [6:23 PM]: I think that could work for both of us
Silverdew7 [6:23 PM]: Yes. I would eventually get my investment back, and then eventually profit
Silverdew7 [6:24 PM]: or, we could fix a place and try to resell
SirGanelon [6:24 PM]: could do that to more money to invest in that way
SirGanelon [6:24 PM]: by reseeling
Silverdew7 [6:24 PM]: yes, those are two good possibilities
SirGanelon [6:24 PM]: reselling
Silverdew7 [6:25 PM]: so don't think of coming out here as a retreat, it could be a new endeavor
Silverdew7 [6:26 PM]: and then, once you own your own home, and can better provide for Patrick, Sandy's position will not be very good
SirGanelon [6:26 PM]: That could work Ive actually been think ing about getting into realestate
SirGanelon [6:26 PM]: that is true
Silverdew7 [6:26 PM]: and then she might want to live in your place
Silverdew7 [6:26 PM]: and of course, you won't put her name on the deed
Silverdew7 [6:27 PM]: lol
Silverdew7 [6:30 PM]: you busy?
SirGanelon [6:31 PM]: no I got booted again
Silverdew7 [6:31 PM]: man, you sure it's not that Call Alert
SirGanelon [6:31 PM]: no nobody calling
Silverdew7 [6:31 PM]: I just meant causing connection probs
Silverdew7 [6:32 PM]: I rarely get booted
SirGanelon [6:32 PM]: no it hasn't done it at all only today giving me a hard time
Silverdew7 [6:32 PM]: once a week is alot
Silverdew7 [6:32 PM]: complain to aol and you'll get two months free
SirGanelon [6:32 PM]: I was tring to edit Patricks AOL account so I can talk to him
Silverdew7 [6:33 PM]: ah, master screen name stuff
Silverdew7 [6:33 PM]: you ever call for the $14.95 rate I mentioned, 'cuz promo is over now it seems
SirGanelon [6:33 PM]: yeah basically didn't give him master but did give him general but no access to aol chatrooms
SirGanelon [6:34 PM]: yes but it was to late
Silverdew7 [6:34 PM]: drat
SirGanelon [6:34 PM]: I have to change some password stuff around to but can't do that online
Silverdew7 [6:35 PM]: any new word from Sandy?
SirGanelon [6:36 PM]: No nothing last time I talked to her she said she wanted me out before she got home
SirGanelon [6:36 PM]: So my guess is she will not be home until late
Silverdew7 [6:36 PM]: you have your marriage license/certificate?
SirGanelon [6:37 PM]: yes I know where it is why
Silverdew7 [6:37 PM]: make a copy of it and keep it on you....just in case
SirGanelon [6:37 PM]: in case of what
Silverdew7 [6:38 PM]: she treis to throw you out suddenly by calling cops or something...they will be less likely to obey her wishes
SirGanelon [6:38 PM]: no not around here
Silverdew7 [6:38 PM]: domestic disputes which are nonviolent tend to help cops back off if couple is married
Silverdew7 [6:39 PM]: anyway, she might do something crazy and try to destroy it...who knows?
SirGanelon [6:40 PM]: no I don't think she will do that
Silverdew7 [6:40 PM]: okay....
Silverdew7 [6:41 PM]: personally I would be copying every vital paper I could
Silverdew7 [6:41 PM]: as long as your scanner and printer are okay
SirGanelon [6:41 PM]: I need to pack up a few things so if I disappear for a minute I am probably getting some clothes together
SirGanelon [6:41 PM]: scanner and printer both not working
Silverdew7 [6:41 PM]: bummer
Silverdew7 [6:42 PM]: okay, well, if you want to cover anbother base you could always write down license numbers and stuff
Silverdew7 [6:43 PM]: because if you're leaving for an inderterminate period of time with little or no access to get back, you need to have some vital info with you, I think
SirGanelon [6:45 PM]: thats true
Silverdew7 [6:45 PM]: I'd be copying address books and bank numbers and passwords and stuff like that. Man, I just cannot fully comprehend what Sandy is doing to you. Here I am, soft and pudgy and cushy. Even your damn sister would not have done this to me like this
SirGanelon [6:45 PM]: yeah I know
Silverdew7 [6:45 PM]: speaking of Godzilla...I don't suppose you would be welcome in the reptile's lair?
SirGanelon [6:45 PM]: I have access to the checking account I have all that info
SirGanelon [6:46 PM]: I wouldn't even ask Id rather stay on the street than owe her anything
Silverdew7 [6:46 PM]: I would have guessed that
SirGanelon [6:47 PM]: You have no idea how angry I feel and how disappointed
Silverdew7 [6:48 PM]: I only have a small idea. I haven't had to live under the conditions you've been facing
SirGanelon [6:48 PM]: IWhats that
Silverdew7 [6:48 PM]: I just meant to say that I only have a small idea of how angry and disappointed you must feel. I am not totally without experience when it comes to strained relationships and kamikazee attacks
SirGanelon [6:50 PM]: It sodd because I still love her and hope that someday we can get past that but there is also a big part of me that is saying Fuck HER if she doesn't me here now Than I don't to be with her period.
SirGanelon [6:51 PM]: I have a call I'll be right back
Silverdew7 [6:51 PM]: I know what you're saying, dude. Maybe if this kind of thing had not already happened before, you could approach it from a one-time-only perspective, but really now, is this the kind of precedent you want to set for the years ahead with her...she tells you to leave whenever she wants? I want to see you guys together for Patrick, for sure, but this
Silverdew7 [6:52 PM]: I'll continue the thought later
SirGanelon [6:52 PM]: Ok I'll be right back
Silverdew7 [6:52 PM]: k
SirGanelon [6:56 PM]: I'm back
Silverdew7 [6:58 PM]: k
Silverdew7 [6:58 PM]: any news?
SirGanelon [6:58 PM]: no nothing jst a friend of sandys calling
Silverdew7 [6:58 PM]: man
SirGanelon [6:58 PM]: to see if she was home
Silverdew7 [6:59 PM]: and I bet you were polite
SirGanelon [6:59 PM]: yes i was
Silverdew7 [6:59 PM]: amazing
Silverdew7 [6:59 PM]: I would have been abrupt...lol...to say the least
Silverdew7 [7:00 PM]: Lauri did mention something interesting
SirGanelon [7:00 PM]: why i'm not mad at her friends just at her but i would still be polite to her
SirGanelon [7:00 PM]: what is that
Silverdew7 [7:00 PM]: she said that whoever holds the lease would absolutely want to have the name of whoever is living at the place listed
Silverdew7 [7:01 PM]: and it would be deceptive not to amend it
Silverdew7 [7:01 PM]: I asked how quickly it could be amended
Silverdew7 [7:01 PM]: She wasn't sure
SirGanelon [7:02 PM]: ahh ok
Silverdew7 [7:02 PM]: you know who to contact about that?
SirGanelon [7:02 PM]: I don't think it was done on purpose but she sure was quick to point it out
SirGanelon [7:03 PM]: I can contact housing tomorrow but .......
Silverdew7 [7:03 PM]: the housing authority or somebody might be willing to do something
Silverdew7 [7:04 PM]: You know what? What would happen if you told her no? That is where you live, have been living for years. You were under the impression she had fixed the lease to include your name. She had not. You stand firm. Lease gets amended. She can't kick you out.
SirGanelon [7:07 PM]: She would probably call the cops at this point
Silverdew7 [7:07 PM]: Lauri says you could try that because the lease should have been fixed to include you anyway
Silverdew7 [7:07 PM]: You could claim that she fraudulently represented to you that you were on the lease
SirGanelon [7:07 PM]: she has told me she is not budging on this
Silverdew7 [7:07 PM]: And as evidence you can show the cops all the stuff you have there and proof that is your home
Silverdew7 [7:08 PM]: Indicate it is her error, and go to housing and get lease amended
SirGanelon [7:08 PM]: it wouldn't work she ahs all the power in this situation
Silverdew7 [7:09 PM]: Lauri thinks you have a chance. Why don't you?
Silverdew7 [7:09 PM]: By law, the lease should include anyone who is living there
Silverdew7 [7:09 PM]: It was deceptive of her not to fix that
SirGanelon [7:09 PM]: yes but she has friends on the police force
Silverdew7 [7:09 PM]: You were under the impression she had
Silverdew7 [7:10 PM]: If you have to go anyway, why not stand up for your rights? As soon as cops say tough shit, then you go
Silverdew7 [7:10 PM]: no crime in trying
SirGanelon [7:10 PM]: I will try it and see what happens
Silverdew7 [7:10 PM]: you have to know what to say, and it might work
Silverdew7 [7:11 PM]: if you have to talk to cops, be calm and rational, have proof to show them that you have been married and lving there for years
Silverdew7 [7:13 PM]: explain that the lease situation was her deception, to hold against you, and that you are seeing housing to fix it asap, and just let them give you enough time to get it straight
Silverdew7 [7:13 PM]: probelm is, if you agree to leave, you have less grounds to be on the lease
Silverdew7 [7:13 PM]: maybe that's why she gave no warning?
Silverdew7 [7:14 PM]: maybe she was holding this like a nuke all along
Silverdew7 [7:14 PM]: you dig?
Silverdew7 [7:15 PM]: well, as long as you seem to be busy, I'm gonna take a whiz...let me know when you're back
SirGanelon [7:16 PM]: oh just gathering a few things
Silverdew7 [7:18 PM]: what do you think about sticking to your guns?
SirGanelon [7:20 PM]: I can try it but I don't think she will budge
Silverdew7 [7:20 PM]: once you voluntarily leave and are out of there, you have no chance of getting on the lease
Silverdew7 [7:21 PM]: maybe there is some housing hotline you can call to get the details about exactly what you need to do to stop her
SirGanelon [7:23 PM]: I ve checked it out there really is nothing I can do if she wants me to leave
Silverdew7 [7:23 PM]: the only reason her position is strong is because you were given a false impression about being on the lease (a thing which you should lawfully be, as a resident of that address), so it seems if you stuck to this and pointed out you have a right to be there and will get it fixed...you've checked it out how?
SirGanelon [7:24 PM]: I have a copy of of the lease
Silverdew7 [7:24 PM]: since when?
SirGanelon [7:24 PM]: I went out to the kitchen and took it out of the folder a few minutes ago
Silverdew7 [7:25 PM]: maybe then a delay is what will happen, but I still think you could protest to be on the lease, since you've lived there for years....if you can fax it Lauri could check it for loopholes
Silverdew7 [7:26 PM]: you were originally on the lease, right?
SirGanelon [7:26 PM]: yes originally
Silverdew7 [7:26 PM]: Sandy had you taken off because you voluntarily left, right?
SirGanelon [7:27 PM]: she threw me out but there werew no cops involved
Silverdew7 [7:27 PM]: But then she got your name removed, right? so if she's the one who took you off, and you weren't clear about that, she should have been the one to put you back on.
SirGanelon [7:27 PM]: yes but she never did
Silverdew7 [7:27 PM]: anybody who writes a lease would want to list any resident on the lease
Silverdew7 [7:28 PM]: especially one who was originally on there
SirGanelon [7:28 PM]: yes i know but it was never changed
Silverdew7 [7:28 PM]: question becomes how quickly can it be changed?
SirGanelon [7:28 PM]: not till at least tomorrow
SirGanelon [7:29 PM]: but by then I will be too hurt
Silverdew7 [7:29 PM]: I have another idea, just to bring it up
Silverdew7 [7:30 PM]: If it's her lease, and she's been letting you stay there in exchange for cooking, cleaning, chores, etc., then in a sense it is subletting or renting, and there are renters rights and even squatters rights which say that you cannot be evicted or removed without due process
SirGanelon [7:30 PM]: Are you giving me all this help because you trying to help or don't want me come out there
Silverdew7 [7:30 PM]: I'm honestly trying to help
SirGanelon [7:30 PM]: i understand that but she is very adamant
Silverdew7 [7:31 PM]: because you said you love her and want to stay with her
SirGanelon [7:31 PM]: ok just checking
Silverdew7 [7:31 PM]: I also want to make sure she is not forcing you into an even worse position
Silverdew7 [7:31 PM]: one from which you cannot reclaim your residence
SirGanelon [7:31 PM]: I do still love her but I don't think she loves me anymore at least she doesn't show it
Silverdew7 [7:32 PM]: you telling me if you had a job and money she wouldn't be all nice and happy?
SirGanelon [7:32 PM]: we haven't had sex in over a year
Silverdew7 [7:32 PM]: question is, is that love?
SirGanelon [7:32 PM]: If I had a job it would be a little better but I don't know how much
Silverdew7 [7:33 PM]: a year is just an alarm, dude, unless there's something I don't know
SirGanelon [7:33 PM]: In the past three years I can count the times on one hand
Silverdew7 [7:34 PM]: oh man
Silverdew7 [7:34 PM]: what's up with her?
Silverdew7 [7:34 PM]: does she say why?
SirGanelon [7:34 PM]: she has never been real sexual but having no money really turns her off
Silverdew7 [7:35 PM]: that is disappointing
Silverdew7 [7:35 PM]: so how are you going to get money tomorrow?
SirGanelon [7:35 PM]: I find other ways for release but its not the same
Silverdew7 [7:36 PM]: I didn't think you were keeping it bottled up...lol
SirGanelon [7:36 PM]: My father is going to the credit union at work
Silverdew7 [7:36 PM]: you nutbasket would be the size of a basketball...lol....a loan from your dad?
SirGanelon [7:36 PM]: yes
Silverdew7 [7:37 PM]: let me run something by you: just keep in mind I'm not sure about any of it
SirGanelon [7:37 PM]: ok
Silverdew7 [7:38 PM]: if you were here right now, and we took care of your food and shelter, what other expenses would you have?
SirGanelon [7:38 PM]: none that I know of
Silverdew7 [7:39 PM]: Sandy would not be contacting you for money to pay your part of the bills?
SirGanelon [7:39 PM]: no
Silverdew7 [7:39 PM]: Can you get her to put that in writing?
SirGanelon [7:39 PM]: I don't know I think so
Silverdew7 [7:40 PM]: If you agree to leave without a fight in exchange for her putting it in writing (and preferrably in front of a witness or two) I think I can save your Dad some money.
SirGanelon [7:40 PM]: how is that
Silverdew7 [7:41 PM]: I could Western Union you the Greyhound bus money, and once you're here...
Silverdew7 [7:41 PM]: your food and shelter would be set
SirGanelon [7:42 PM]: I would want to compensate you somehow
Silverdew7 [7:43 PM]: I just don't know what you want or what would be best for you....if your Dad wants to give you a loan, you could do more with it perhaps...I just don't know
SirGanelon [7:43 PM]: I can do more with that and that is why I am getting it
Silverdew7 [7:44 PM]: you might not like our own brand of "budget living", so be warned...lol
SirGanelon [7:44 PM]: lol
SirGanelon [7:44 PM]: I can adjust
Silverdew7 [7:44 PM]: no name brand foods that aren't on sale
SirGanelon [7:45 PM]: hey thats cool we do the same thing
Silverdew7 [7:45 PM]: even with Pepsi?
Silverdew7 [7:45 PM]: and Hamburger Helper for Patrick? ...lol
Silverdew7 [7:45 PM]: we are real CHEAPOS
SirGanelon [7:45 PM]: I can adjust
SirGanelon [7:46 PM]: thats cool
Silverdew7 [7:46 PM]: I asked for your last name on the collect call so you could say something like "athome" and I would know
SirGanelon [7:46 PM]: oh duh
Silverdew7 [7:46 PM]: you have not begun to fathom the depths to my cheapness
SirGanelon [7:47 PM]: not cheap just frugal
Silverdew7 [7:47 PM]: lol...very pc
SirGanelon [7:47 PM]: and thats not a bad thing
Silverdew7 [7:47 PM]: it's gotten me this far
SirGanelon [7:47 PM]: true and apparantly Aurora and Lauri are doing fine to
Silverdew7 [7:48 PM]: thank the powers
SirGanelon [7:48 PM]: The Powers?
Silverdew7 [7:48 PM]: Stephanie Powers and Powers Booth
SirGanelon [7:48 PM]: ahh ok
Silverdew7 [7:48 PM]: lol
Silverdew7 [7:49 PM]: I hesitate to say God...powers is better, covers more
SirGanelon [7:50 PM]: well so much for that she just Imed me from her sisters house and has already talked to the landlord and told him I was moving out
Silverdew7 [7:50 PM]: talk to landlord yourself
SirGanelon [7:50 PM]: can't till tomorrow it may be to late
Silverdew7 [7:51 PM]: how did she talk to him?
SirGanelon [7:51 PM]: she called him this afternoon
Silverdew7 [7:51 PM]: surely he still has a phone this evening...even if for a message
SirGanelon [7:52 PM]: yeah but he won't get the message until tomorrow
Silverdew7 [7:52 PM]: he have a cell?
SirGanelon [7:52 PM]: not that i know of
Silverdew7 [7:52 PM]: still, a message won't hurt...maybe he gets it first thing
SirGanelon [7:52 PM]: true
Silverdew7 [7:53 PM]: maybe he even checks for messages tonight
SirGanelon [7:53 PM]: I doubt it he leaves at four and the answering machine is in his office
Silverdew7 [7:53 PM]: after all, if someones pipe is leaking, landlord would not want to let it go for the whole night
SirGanelon [7:54 PM]: there is maintenance on but they can't do anything
Silverdew7 [7:54 PM]: damn...maybe they know landlord's cell...maintenance would have to have a way to get in touch with him for emergenciies
SirGanelon [7:55 PM]: they let him know in the morning
Silverdew7 [7:55 PM]: you know where he lives?
SirGanelon [7:55 PM]: no
Silverdew7 [7:55 PM]: how about his full name?
SirGanelon [7:56 PM]: don't know it
Silverdew7 [7:56 PM]: would he have it on his machine?
SirGanelon [7:56 PM]: Mr. Bell is all it says
Silverdew7 [7:56 PM]: I bet Sandy knows his full name...this is sounding more and more like a plan
Silverdew7 [7:57 PM]: damn..Bell is rather common
SirGanelon [7:57 PM]: yes it is
Silverdew7 [7:57 PM]: know his city?
SirGanelon [7:58 PM]: no idea
Silverdew7 [7:58 PM]: damn, dude, you need to know these things about your landlord
SirGanelon [7:59 PM]: I know I don't like to have contact with him he is a crotchety old bum
Silverdew7 [7:59 PM]: is his full name on the lease?
SirGanelon [7:59 PM]: no his signature is but it is illegible
Silverdew7 [8:00 PM]: well, I would still let him know the whole story..otherwise it sounds like you are just splitting
SirGanelon [8:01 PM]: I think we are thats what she wants it sounds like
Silverdew7 [8:01 PM]: it sounded like that last time too
Silverdew7 [8:02 PM]: maybe, since he is landlord, he might understand, even though he is crotchety old man
SirGanelon [8:02 PM]: true but this time is different
SirGanelon [8:02 PM]: he might but I don't know I have no idea what she told him
Silverdew7 [8:02 PM]: could he change lease by himself or would he need others?
SirGanelon [8:02 PM]: he can do it
Silverdew7 [8:03 PM]: in theory, he can do it whenever he wants?
SirGanelon [8:03 PM]: yes
Silverdew7 [8:03 PM]: then I would definitely leave message and explain your side and tell him you've been there for years and should have been on the lease
SirGanelon [8:04 PM]: I can do that but I think it is too late she seems to be out for blood
Silverdew7 [8:05 PM]: ask him to call you back too, and let you know if he can help you...she may be out for blood but it won't hurt to ask this guy for help
SirGanelon [8:05 PM]: Ive never used western Union if I were to have you do that then would we both have to be there at the same time or how does that work
SirGanelon [8:05 PM]: I can call it wouldn't hurt
Silverdew7 [8:06 PM]: I've never sent western union either...I think you have to have proper id to claim, but you don't need to be there at the same time
SirGanelon [8:06 PM]: oh ok
SirGanelon [8:07 PM]: there is a bus at 710 a tomorrow if i leave tonight and go to the train station
Silverdew7 [8:08 PM]: so you don't want dad's loan
SirGanelon [8:09 PM]: I do want it but i feel like just running now
Silverdew7 [8:09 PM]: is that the most logical move, despite your feelings?
SirGanelon [8:09 PM]: its not but thats the way i feel
Silverdew7 [8:09 PM]: I know you gotta do what you gotta do, dude.
SirGanelon [8:10 PM]: I feel trapped right now
Silverdew7 [8:10 PM]: She's casuing it. I'm not sure what gives you the best position here
SirGanelon [8:10 PM]: I don't know
Silverdew7 [8:10 PM]: run too soon, and you may regret, stay too long and you might feel worse....it's very tough
SirGanelon [8:11 PM]: the money will help out in the long run
SirGanelon [8:11 PM]: I know thats the way I feel
Silverdew7 [8:11 PM]: depending on how you play it, the money may not last you very long, you know
SirGanelon [8:12 PM]: I know
SirGanelon [8:12 PM]: BRB I will call the landlord and explain my story
Silverdew7 [8:12 PM]: k
SirGanelon [8:17 PM]: Ok I'm back I just called and left a message on the answering machine so we will see what happens in the morning
Silverdew7 [8:17 PM]: a good message?
SirGanelon [8:18 PM]: The pastor is on his way so I should let you go for now I will talk to you again tomorrow I should be on the 12:15 bus which will get me to Syracuse around 7:55p
SirGanelon [8:18 PM]: yes I think so
Silverdew7 [8:18 PM]: okay...you have my phone and fax, and if you need to call collect again, please don't use operator...lol
SirGanelon [8:18 PM]: ok Ill use 1010220
Silverdew7 [8:19 PM]: that's fine
SirGanelon [8:19 PM]: ok I'll talk to you tomorrow thanks again
Silverdew7 [8:19 PM]: Lauri says 1800collect
Silverdew7 [8:19 PM]: gotta obey the wifey sometimes
Silverdew7 [8:19 PM]: her sister used to work for MCI
SirGanelon [8:19 PM]: ok that works to
SirGanelon [8:19 PM]: ahh ok
Silverdew7 [8:20 PM]: lol....take care dude...I'll be here
SirGanelon [8:20 PM]: ok you to take care
SirGanelon [8:20 PM]: thanks again
Silverdew7 [8:20 PM]: anytime
* * *
Later, his dad started writing to me asking if Brian had found a job yet, and in him I confided some of my foreboding feelings about the whole situation. Here are a few emails:
Howdy Bill,
Got your email, but for some reason you embedded the photos I sent to you and sent them back to me. Lauri's dad had done the same thing to me a couple times and I think the trick may be to create a new email for your reply, or not to select the "forward" option.
Brian, to my regret, still does not have a job, and he doesn't seem to be trying any harder to get one. He has yet to apply to a single place where he has a realistic chance of getting hired, and instead applies to jobs in the paper that offer better than average salaries. He has yet to walk a few blocks down the steet and start looking for work, and I intend to hold him to our agreement that if one of the "longshot" jobs doesn't come his way by the end of May, he has to go and apply to the places near our house. What I have not told him is that if he still cannot get hired after that, we will have to conclude that our rather patient and relaxed attitude with him is simply not working.
As recently as a month ago I asked him if his goals had changed, and he said no, he still intended to save money, get his car fixed, and buy a house out here. Point is, by now, even at a low-paying job, he could have saved at least $2,500 or more—enough to fix his car and get back on his feet. He just doesn't try very hard. If it were me, and my child were kept away, I would be scrambling my ass off and doing what it took to prove that I am a good father, etc. With Brian, he hardly talks to Patrick. I don't even think he calls him once a week, although we always suggest it to him and offer him his privacy for the phone.
Ever since we set him up with a portable tv in the basement, he just goes down there and vegetates. I also set him up with a laptop so he could write job applications and cover letters, but I have had to do virtually all of them for him. He comes up here to eat and sometimes he just comes up here to sit in the middle of the living room and do nothing. Since he's been here, he hasn't done the dishes once, he's cooked for us exactly once, and he only does other helpful things when he is specifically asked to do so. One thing he is rather good at is clogging my toilets.
Good God, I'm venting, aren't I? Well, it's better I do it in a private email between you and me than explode in some other way...lol.
I'd like to think I'm helping him but I don't see that he is helping himself.
Give our best to Carol and the kids and write soon. I'd like to say that things will work out for Labor Day, but it's still months away. Is there a deadline?
--Fran
Howdy Bill,
Why don't we go ahead and make those plans for Labor Day weekend. Lauri and I generally don't plan such things months in advance, but we can understand.
In Skaneateles they are voting on whether or not to build a new fire station, which I thought might interest you.
Two weeks ago was the deadline for Brian to start applying to local jobs and put less emphasis on going for the tougher to get ones in the newspaper. I asked him back then how long he thought it would take for him to apply to the local places and he said, "About three hours." I told him I thought it would take at least a week or two, so I gave him two weeks, which will be up on Monday, and he still has not found a job (although he has at least applied to lots of places). I may extend his deadline by one more week but I guess I will eventually have to put my foot down. He has wasted most all of the time he has been here (when it comes to finding jobs) and only in the last few days has he put in a strong effort to search for jobs (when he realized that the deadline was, in fact, rather firm). It might be a different story if Brian indicated he intended to contribute in some small way to actually paying for part of his room and board once he found a job, but so far he has not done so, and I am more inclined to stop hosting him than to ask him to do something which, apparently, does not come naturally. It's a shame he didn't just motivate himself to apply to the local places shortly after he first got here. The high school seniors were still in school and he would have had an easy time finding a job. Oh well.
Give Carol our best and write soon.
--Fran
Hi Bill,
No problem. I understand. We may soon have to make some tough choices regarding Brian, for we have been supporting him now for far longer than I had originally speculated. Some of his own bad choices are to blame for the spot that he is in. For example, before he even came here I had told him to take his important papers with him, and to make copies. He didn't. A long string of bad choices on his part seems to have followed (not doing anything for the first three months he was here, as another example), and now we have to consider sending him back if he cannot get on track in the next week. He seems to do very little unless we are constantly reminding him to do things, and that's not the kind of position I want to be in.
Anyway, thanks for calling today. It was nice to say hello to you. Hope Carol and the kids are well. Give them our best and write soon.
--Fran
Howdy Bill,
Funny story: when the mail arrive for Brian he was downstairs (presumably asleep) and we left it on a bookshelf for him along with a blank thank-you card to send to you. He got the mail and left the card. Be thankful he only cost you one day. If you had to care for him all the time he would cost you alot more, trust me. Sometimes he makes decisions which are just plain stupid. For example, I purchased a bike for him so he could have transportation. It had a flat so I got him two replacement innertubes. He changed one and got a flat in the same tire the first time he rode it--all because he did not check the wheel and spokes. Another half-assed Brian example, of which I am building a collection. And whom does it cost? Helping him costs others, yet when he wastes and squanders the help you offer, it's par for the course for Brian. Don't get me started.
Hope you and Carol are having a great weekend.
--Fran
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