TWO

Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy man has no time to form."--Andre' Maurois

    Perhaps one of the greatest fears that many of us have is the fear of growing old. And the fear of aging is not restricted to those people already in their middle years.  Some people worry about getting old throughout most of their lives. But such worry is fruitless, because the only alternative to growing old is dying young--an alternative that is not acceptable to most of us.
    Growing old is much harder for some people than others.  For some, old age brings with it poor health and increased suffering. No amount of Pollyanna-type thinking can diminish this fact, and we should all recognize the legitimate complaints of such people. But, for many, growing old may be more of an attitude problem than a physiological problem.  
    In the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., "To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old." We all know senior citizens who have a greater zest for life than most of their juniors. What is their secret?  What magic ingredient makes some people remain young in spirit regardless of their physical age? It just might be attitude.  Some people seem to be able to develop a habit of positive thinking early in life that just seems to stick with them throughout old age.  We may not all be able to mimic these people, but surely we must all admire them.  In 1903, Thomas Bailey Aldrich wrote, "To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent--that is to triumph over old age." No matter how many other wrinkles we have, perhaps if we manage to keep an unwrinkled heart we can triumph over old age.  
    And we must remember that growing old is not all bad.  There are positive as well as negative aspects to it.  According to W. Somerset Maugham, "Old age has its pleasures, which though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth."  Maybe we have faulty memories of what our youth was like.  Maybe we are focusing mostly on the good parts of youth while focusing only on the bad parts of old age.  Have we forgotten all the uncertainties and worries of youth?  Have we failed to recognize the value of memories that have increased as our age has increased?  Just maybe, if we seek them out, we will discover that the pleasures of old age, while different from those of youth, are not really less.
    Konrad Adenauer once wrote, "I haven't asked you to make me young again.  All I want is to go on getting older."  Unless we are the victims of unbearable suffering, don't most of us really just want to go on getting older.  For many of us, life is so precious that we want to experience as much of it as possible, and that inevitably means growing older. Think about it.    

Copyright 1995 Allen W. Smith


 
THREE

"There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience, or none at all."--Ogden Nash

    Probably no words ever spoken, or written, were more true than these words by Ogden Nash.  It does not seem plausible that anyone could simultaneously have both true happiness and a guilty conscience. The two are simply not compatible. According to an old English proverb, "A guilty conscience needs no accuser."  If we feel guilty about something, we don't need others to point out our faults in order to suffer. We will suffer at our own hands.  
    One of the best definitions of the human conscience that I have ever heard involved a father explaining the concept to a small child.  According to this account, a conscience is like a little wheel inside our bodies that has sharp points on it.  When we believe we have done something wrong, the wheel turns and the sharp points hurt us.  If we modify our behavior and clear our conscience, the wheel stops turning, and the pain goes away until we once again violate our own set of values. But, if we ignore our conscience and continue to engage in conduct that seems wrong, the little points on the wheel will gradually wear down smooth so that our conscience will no longer hurt us.
    Do we really want this to happen?  Perhaps some people do.  After all, our conscience gets in the way sometimes and prevents us from doing things we think we want to do.  If we could render our conscience ineffective, we could do whatever we wanted without feeling guilty.  But, without a conscience, we might hurt other people in ways that our conscience would never have allowed.  
    H.L. Mencken said, "Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking."  Even if a conscience were no more than that, it would be invaluable as a tool for keeping us out of trouble.  But many of us believe that a conscience involves much more than the fear of being caught. We like to think it is a part of the basic goodness of mankind.  Surely many of us would still feel bad about certain actions, and thus avoid them, even if we were absolutely sure that nobody would ever find out.
    In the words of W. Somerset Maugham, "Conscience is the guardian in the individual of the rules which the community has evolved for its own preservation."  In order to survive as individuals, we must be able to survive as a society.  In order to do that, isn't it essential that we suffer feelings of guilt when we violate the rules of society? And, since we cannot experience true happiness without a clear conscience, shouldn't we all strive to avoid violating the rules of society?  It may be true that some people have no conscience at all.  But could we survive as a society if most people had no conscience at all?  Think about it.  

Copyright 1995 Allen W. Smith

FOUR

    "There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly behooves any of us to talk about the rest of us."--Edward Wallis Hoch

    Criticism, especially vicious, unjust criticism, can be devastating to many people.  Yet, some people seem almost always ready to launch a  verbal attack whenever the opportunity arises. What motivates people to verbally assault others?  Is it the desire to build oneself up by tearing others down?  Is it an attempt to get attention?  Is it a genuine attempt to help the criticized person improve? The answer could be any, or none, of the above, depending on the person involved.  But, no matter what the motivation, the pain is the same.  
    How can we avoid criticism?  We can't. In the words of Elbert Hubbard, "To escape criticism--do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."  To do so would be to not live. If we engage in an active life, we are bound to be criticized.  So we must attempt to develop thick skins and try to ignore that criticism which we know is incorrect. And we must never allow the fear of criticism to prevent us from doing what we know is right.  As Benjamin Disraeli put it, "It is much easier to be critical than to be correct."  
    On the other hand, we must learn to recognize, and benefit from, constructive criticism.  Abraham Lincoln said, "He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help."  Sometimes we are hurt by the criticism of friends who are really trying to help us.  Often we seek the advice of others but, unless that advice is what we want to hear, we usually do not welcome it.  W. Somerset Maugham drove this point home when he said, "People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise."
    We are all human, and human beings make mistakes.  No matter how hard we strive to be perfect, none of us will ever succeed. There is no shame in making innocent and honest mistakes.  And we must be willing to acknowledge such mistakes.  But we should try to learn from them.  
    Perhaps the most painful form of criticism is that which results from insufficient knowledge.  We are often too critical of people whom we know very little about.  Perhaps there are explanations for a person's behavior of which we are not aware. All of us carry burdens, but some people may be carrying unbearably heavy burdens that those around them cannot see. Perhaps, if we had more information, we would not be so critical of some people.  According to an old American Indian saying, "Don't judge any man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. Think about it.  .
Copyright 1995 Allen W. Smith

 
FIVE

"Life is like playing a violin solo in public, and learning the instrument as one goes on."
--Samuel Butler

    Most of us would like to avoid mistakes, especially those mistakes that are so visible to others, but life just doesn't work that way.  We learn by living, and living brings both success and failure.  In the words of Henry Ford, "Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this."
    Of course we can borrow from the experiences of others, and exercise our best judgement, as we proceede through life.  But it is often difficult, if not impossible, to realize the full meaning of some basic truths until personal experience has brought it home.  We are all individuals, and we respond to specific experiences in different ways.  In a sense, each of us must be our own guinea pig. We can learn general information from others but, to a large extent, we learn about ourselves only through our own individual experiences.  
    We can and should avert certain future mistakes by learning from the past.  However, too often we do not make maximum use of our experience.  Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote, "To most men, experience is like the stern lights of a ship, which illumine only the track it has passed." We must allow our experiences to do more than illuminate the past.  We must use them to shed light on our future pathway through life.  This basic truth was clear to Patrick Henry more than 200 years ago.  In a speech to the Virginia Convention in 1775, Henry said, "I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.  I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past."
    We can avoid some future blunders by learning from our own past, and by borrowing from the experiences of others.  But let's not forget that new experiences can be sources of joy as well as regrets.  Perhaps we too often think of experience in a negative way--associating it with mistakes and failures.  But all of life is an experience.  To limit our experience in life is to limit our joy as well as our sorrow. We can become so afraid of failure and sorrow that we do not allow ourselves to live full lives.  We escape ordeals at the cost of foregoing joyful experiences.  Playing a violin solo in public, while learning the instrument as we go along, can be a frightening prospect.  But, unless we are willing to risk it, we will never know whether our performance would have brought jeers or cheers.  Think about it.   

Copyright 1995 Allen W. Smith

Additional essays will be added periodically.  Look for them.