Man, I'm not even safe in church!

In 1970, my next-door neighbor Kathy used to babysit me when my mother was at work. Kathy was a very devout Catholic who went to church a few times a week. She happened to be babysitting me on February 3, St. Blase's Day. She had gotten permission to bring me to church with her. I was excited to be going to her church because I'd never been there before. I guess Kathy assumed I'd been to a St. Blase's Day mass before... she was wrong!

Everything went fine until the actual blessing of the throats. I looked down the aisle to the altar and saw everyone walking up to the priest and putting their heads between two candles that were on a wrought-iron holder. To my five-year-old eyes, that holder looked like a big pair of hedge clippers! Why was everyone calmly offering their necks?! Well, I wasn't gonna do that! Just then, Kathy prodded me into the aisle... it was a conspiracy! Even my babysitter was trying to get me killed! I stopped in my tracks, but Kathy kept pushing me forward until I was in front of the priest. I don't remember what he said, because my eyes were shut tight. The next thing I knew, I was pushed to the side... still alive! Kathy and I returned to our seats for the final blessing, and when mass was over we walked back to my apartment.

On the way home, Kathy said, "Darlene, you usually behave so well for me... why did I have to push you down the aisle in church?"

I sobbed, "I thought the priest was gonna cut my head off!"

Kathy thought this was hilarious. "But did you see anyone else have their heads cut off?"

"Noooo," I said, still crying with a mixture of relief and embarrassment.

Thankfully, Kathy realized that she should have explained to me what a St. Blase's Day mass was all about. She knew that I had a lot of strep throat infections and was trying to do a good deed, but instead she had scared the hell out of me! I think she did apologize. I didn't hold it against her, because I really liked her.

Years later, Kathy popped up as a substitute teacher for my American History class in 7th grade. When she called attendance, she said, "Darlene... do you remember me? I used to babysit you." The other kids in the class listened as Kathy told them about how she used to build forts out of blankets with my sister and I in our bedroom when we were 'supposed' to be taking naps.

But Kathy did NOT mention the St. Blase's Day mass... and for that, I am forever thankful!